July 5, 2017

Time makes you bolder

Even children get older...

Summer is here. I have a stack of books to read, guests to entertain, children to feed. A forest view to enjoy, a mind free of thoughts of moving and packing and unpacking -- and instead of new beginnings this year it's just beginnings, middles, ends, in whatever order I choose.

I know where I am and who I am. Those two things haven't been in sync in a very long time.

Driving home from camp drop-off today I was thinking about how I still don't really know anyone here still, not in a deep sense, and yet I feel like I know myself better than I ever have. As a people-person, or as someone who has always been so shaped by the people around me, it's been beautiful and wonderful, adventurous to discover an identity that is not based on who I know. Spoiler alert, the surprise twist ending is that it makes your heart and mind open even wider.

my babies, 5 years ago
I had the kids recreate this photo from five years ago, three of the four were willing participants. I not so secretly hope they plan to continue this tradition every five years until the end of time.

February 1, 2017

Fluffy Unicorn

Perle cottage socks

I've been doing pretty great on my promise to knit something every day. I finished some socks that I love, basically combining a bunch of mini skeins I had and to me they totally match. Instead of eating my feelings I'm switching gears to binging on beautiful yarn. I started a cardigan for Ivy with the sparkly rainbow yarn named Fluffy Unicorn. It helps.

Today Noah and I are at his first infusion in Portland. They don't have the rapid infusion process in place like Seattle (but they said they're working on it) however they also don't only allow diet sodas in the entire hospital so I am drinking a regular Coca-Cola right now. It's the little things.

January 8, 2017

Today I turn 40.

Turning 40 years old feels like... nothing I was expecting, mainly because it doesn't feel like anything. My bones don't creak, I feel no different than any other day, or year from the past twenty or so years, really. Isn't it one of those milestones where it's supposed to feel like a big deal? I think I'm just the kind of person who doesn't feel the big deals. The little deals... now that's another story.

Because I've been blogging forever, I can look back to the post from when I turned 30:

Apparently I didn't have a lot to say. Those pictures, though. 

I do remember turning 30, I remember that night because we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings in Valpo with the kids and had a fun family meal, and Jeff gave me a ring.

Probably the most stuff and adventures of my life so far happened in the last ten years, for sure. The biggest lesson being to expect only the unexpected. That's what my thirties and motherhood has taught me. And that journey brought me here, to realize living in this moment right now, these breaths are the only guarantee, and unexpectedly that is how to really feel alive.

Marking my 40th, we were snowbound in Oregon at home and thankfully Jeff thought to get a cake and take me out for a really nice dinner the night before the storm hit, and I ordered a Sage Sapphire Collins and then a lemon drop, and after dinner we went shopping at Target to stock up for the storm. We bought puzzles and a retro Sorry game, and a bunch of other random things. He gave me an Apple Watch aka Inspector Gadget Spy watch that I weirdly like a whole lot, and we came home and watched Wheel of Fortune with Ivy and Gray snuggled in our bed.

We spent all day yesterday in our snow globe as the biggest flakes and flurries fell around us. We put together a puzzle, watched movies while I knit, went sledding, and I made a big pot of minestrone for dinner.

This morning I opened more gifts and then we put away the Christmas decorations. Tonight I'm excited the Golden Globes decided to show up for my bday. We are about to dig into the cake.

It's a new year, new decade for moi, and all I can envision is a lot of beautiful open space with plenty of room to roam.