Yesterday I was a chaperone for Carter's Robotics competition in Portland. On the way home, as four teenage boys slept and I drove in dark silence, I experienced for the first time what it's like to drive a kid to Portland, or anywhere out of town really, and not involve a hospital visit. It felt really wonderful. And kind of like a promise, like more of this feeling is still to come.
So there will always be a weight but the weight is lifting and shifting.
I have a few goals for the new year in mind, like taking photos of the kids, reading more, and knitting every day, and learning to play the piano again. I'm no longer a fan of words of the year but kind of like the idea of the phrase Search Party. I'm going to keep searching, opening my eyes, and I need to make it more of a bright party with lights and less of a dark appointment.
I always start with hope and end with hope, may that never end.