February 16, 2016

Happy Places

The kids were describing their happy places. Ivy's happy place is SCHOOL (said in all caps) and Carter's is a world made of Legos. Gray's was "a field full of animals" and Noah's happy place is an arcade.

I asked them what they thought my happy place would be -- Gray quickly responded, "anywhere around us."

They are my oxygen. I don't know if could breathe without them.

And now, some things that I am sending off into the universe where I hope they land on the doorsteps of the people for whom they are meant.

I can't talk right now, because I might cry and you won't be able to understand what I'm saying. Also, I just don't have the energy to bring myself to pick up the phone/to write the email/to send the message. It's not you, it's totally me, although maybe you're going through it yourself, too, and so we both are in deep and should let each other off the hook. I hope you understand. I'm in a weird place right now, it's not a good time. I'm hoping it will pass, and when it does, I hope you're still around and won't hold it against me. I wish I could function as a person in your life. To even try to hold a conversation is too heavy for me right now. There are too many questions with hard answers asking more questions. I wish I could be and do more, but I am literally doing the minimum to get through the next hour to the next day to put another foot in front of the other to hopefully, eventually, find that I made it to the other side.