April 12, 2016

There's Still Time

We sold our house. Money has changed hands so I feel like I'm allowed to say those words, finally. I'm an optimist and I truly wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. That's how dire it had become. We are going to see the new house next week and maybe that will bring back the feeling in my, well, all the areas where you feel feelings. It's the only house I liked when we went house hunting over a year and a half ago. A giant house in the trees. There it sat, waiting for me. I do not know why it took this long, I do not think it was perfect timing, I do not find a lesson or blessing in it all, but none of that matters anyway. It's done. Jeff's getting the Internet hooked up next week so then it will be Officially Official.

During this time I've rallied around giving myself permission to feel sad and mad, sitting with it, actually feeling it and getting a good look at it -- and that helped, for sure. It's made me stronger and more compassionate and a better parent. So maybe that could technically count as something good coming out of all of this but I still cry no fair. But now, I'm finding myself feeling moments that don't resemble sadness and funny enough -- it's kind of scary. So a new thing I tell myself is that it's okay to be not okay and it's also okay to be happy.

Next week we are going to "camp out" at the giant tree house one night with the kids and no furniture and today that sounds like it will be a lot of fun but eventually I'll have to think about the logistics. Presently I find myself waking up at night worrying about what I'm going to do with everything in the fridge and freezer in this current house. We're here for two more months. I have reminded myself of this way too much already. There's still plenty of time to get to that.