February 16, 2016

Happy Places

The kids were describing their happy places. Ivy's happy place is SCHOOL (said in all caps) and Carter's is a world made of Legos. Gray's was "a field full of animals" and Noah's happy place is an arcade.

I asked them what they thought my happy place would be -- Gray quickly responded, "anywhere around us."

They are my oxygen. I don't know if could breathe without them.

And now, some things that I am sending off into the universe where I hope they land on the doorsteps of the people for whom they are meant.

I can't talk right now, because I might cry and you won't be able to understand what I'm saying. Also, I just don't have the energy to bring myself to pick up the phone/to write the email/to send the message. It's not you, it's totally me, although maybe you're going through it yourself, too, and so we both are in deep and should let each other off the hook. I hope you understand. I'm in a weird place right now, it's not a good time. I'm hoping it will pass, and when it does, I hope you're still around and won't hold it against me. I wish I could function as a person in your life. To even try to hold a conversation is too heavy for me right now. There are too many questions with hard answers asking more questions. I wish I could be and do more, but I am literally doing the minimum to get through the next hour to the next day to put another foot in front of the other to hopefully, eventually, find that I made it to the other side.




9 comments:

  1. Those four little ones will get you through this. Hug them tight and with their loves, smiles and hugs you will come out the other side. Praying for soon this will be. <3

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  2. That last paragraph? Me all of 2015 and probably half of 2014. Love you, love you, love you.

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  3. Sending my prayers..

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  4. I love you! I am here for you any time 24 hours. Did I tell you that I loved you? I will say it again! And I could not be more proud of the beautiful person you are! Happy times are ahead! My happy place is with my family! Where ever it may be...

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  5. You just spoke about the first part of 2016 to me. It's been dark, sad, ugly and so, so, SO hard - couldn't catch my breath, didn't want to get out of bed, poured what energy I could muster into my children and let life slide.
    A few close friends loved on me hard, when I couldn't even think to love on myself. The clouds are moving away now and there's light and breath and some peace coming back.

    I'm loving on you from afar and sending every prayer I can think of up for you, dear.

    Just know - I get it. Really get it.

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  6. I am an anonymous reader seeing this late- but hopefully not too late to say I am so sorry you are hurting right now. I am saying prayers hoping that the pain has already lifted - and praying for comfort if it hasn't. Please, hang in there.

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  7. All of this. Yes. But especially this.

    "I wish I could be and do more, but I am literally doing the minimum to get through the next hour to the next day to put another foot in front of the other to hopefully, eventually, find that I made it to the other side."

    Hugs and love from afar.

    Nell

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  8. When you consider outdoors, you think outside, you think nature, you think excursion, however once in a while do you believe that anything awful will happen. That is nature. Outdoors is a great approach to mitigate stress and to wind up inwardly, physically and profoundly more grounded. Other than making tracks in an opposite direction from the city, you are bringing activity, nature and unwinding into your own particular world when you start outdoors at any level.

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