When I think about this year, I see myself mostly in a fog, then the euphoric moments I was out of the fog, then when it rolled back in. During one of those out of the fog moments I could see clearly that I've been resisting my own way, possibly and most likely as long as I can remember. Maybe it's out of survival or out of fear or maybe it's just who I am, but today - yes today on the last day of the year - I've accepted that all of it is part of the journey. Even the getting lost along the way (or thinking I was lost)
At the beginning of this year, I thought we would have sold our house and moved by now. So we didn't, and I can't imagine we won't move next year but what do I know? Someday we'll read this very chapter with perspective and it will all make sense. Right now it doesn't make a lick of sense but we're going with it. I have a few very specific things I could throw myself on the floor about and it would be totally valid and understandable. Sometimes I do, and I have a little cry about the unfairness of it all. And then I move on.
I'm ready to move on from this year and hope to bring my optimistic perspective into the next, the last year of another decade of my life. I feel like 2015 was a lot of pain and digging and working... toward the growth I'll see in 2016. Necessary and productive. Not a bad year after all.