August 30, 2015

getting a win

I don't purposely let my kids win when we're playing a game but I've for sure wanted them to win sometimes, and maybe played a kinder card on them in Uno than another one I could have played, but usually only when they've had a losing streak and I just know it will lift everyone's spirits- and maybe keep good family time game playing last a little longer-  if they can just get a win.

And sometimes I need a win, too. Man it felt good to finally get a Yahtzee after everyone else kept on getting them game after game. Just now I won several games of Uno in a row with Ivy and Gray because neither of them wanted to play a Draw 4 on me.

I was hoping I would have an answer about our house by tonight but we still don't know what we're going to do, or be able to do. It all feels suddenly very rushed after things had been moving so slow for so long.

It would be great if time could stop or maybe just right itself and let me catch my breath. While we're at it, I want my kid to be healthy and normal for once. Talk about needing a break (for him and the enormous section of my heart and mind that sources the energy to keep him... well... to literally keep him.) I want the cloud of that plus house selling and house buying and then moving life and starting over to just part, even if for a week or two. Let us get started on the new school year without the other stuff creeping in to nip and poke at me.

But this is life and this is reality. People get sick, things happen, we react and deal. And sometimes we fall apart in the middle of it all and then we put ourselves together again, or someone plays a kinder card, or a little of both. We all need a win.

(day eighty-two)

August 29, 2015

Still to come

Well, we got an offer on our house but no place to go. It's a frustrating space to be in. We need to move- that is the logical next step to getting on with our lives. But we want the next place to make it worth leaving here. I think the stress of it all made me physically sick and I hardly slept last night. Today was a good rest day and I think we were hoping for clarity... Still to come. 

In the meantime the crease next to my left eyebrow has moved right in and unpacked all its things. I did bake an apple crisp and peach crisp and it made things a little better. I find comfort in pulling out my Betty Crocker How To Cook Everything cookbook that my mom gave us as a wedding gift almost 16 years ago. It still beats internet recipes any day. 

Some more back to school clothes for the kids arrived today and miraculously we don't need to return anything. I'll finish up with the school supplies and a few odds and ends when we go to Seattle next weekend. Noah got his high school schedule and it's one I wish I could take! He ends his day with two art classes. It's going to be great. I think we are pretty ready. Just a little over a week left. 

(Days eighty & eighty one)

August 27, 2015

We need to rest up

We had two showings today and passed the time at the park with friends. It was a much-needed outside break. I just couldn't wake up all day and did get in a tiny nap when we got home, which seemed to help. We are all going to bed early tonight.

I took some time to go over the calendar for the next few months and can't believe how full the days are getting. We have something every day next week from eye doctor checkups, the dentist, back to school hair cuts, the next trip for Noah and me to Seattle. Thankfully this weekend is empty of commitments. We need to rest up.

(day seventy nine)

August 26, 2015


Today I was in the car for two hours with a pretty severe headache, anxiety, and my two chattiest children. They were asking me really sweet things, so I powered through.

I was glad to get home and burrow up in our house because everyone in the outside world was just too much. From the guy riding my tail wayyy too close on 101 for the longest time even though he knew there was someone right in front of me and it was a no passing lane AND we passed a mangled guard rail from an accident yesterday as well as a police car attending to another accident, to the lady in the grocery store who rudely maneuvered in front of me and the kids who were waiting patiently for the MAN WITH A SEEING EYE DOG to pick out his eggs with the help of the grocery clerk. She tried to wheel her cart between him and his dog before the employee kindly moved the man aside. So the kids and I go when there was enough room to be polite and head down the aisle we needed. Then here comes that same lady in a hurry and she almost runs down the kids. I wanted to confront her about her horribly rude behavior so much but wanted to just get far away from her more. And I had just been going over manners with the kids minutes before. They were the best behaved humans in the place.

ANYWAY. Home now and enjoying the quiet. We have a showing tomorrow but I am sort of wishing we could just put this house on hold until we get more prospects up there because if we sell this house where in the world would we even go? I'll probably straighten up a few things and then retreat to bed with a book. Everything else is just too much right now.

(day seventy eight)

August 25, 2015


The physical and mental exhaustion I feel after today is indescribable. All four kids are registered for school. The headache/sore fingers from trying to open a locker (later we would be given the correct combination) are just starting to let up. It was so tempting to declare cereal for dinner but I zombie shopped through the grocery store and made a huge and healthy meal and then collapsed for the night. Jeff was supposed to see two super potentially good houses tomorrow but they're now under contract. I'm not discouraged but kind of am, just would be nice to know where we're going to live. I'm spent. And going to bed.

(day seventy seven)

August 24, 2015

the last sips of summer


I finished knitting a ballet shrug for Ivy today- she chose the most colorful yarn at the shop. It was really fun to knit. Dance starts up next month and she'll get to start tap, too. 

We spent a couple hours at the park and it does kind of feel like we're drinking the last sips of summer here. Tomorrow we will register for school... can't believe it starts in two weeks!!!

(day seventy six)

August 23, 2015

a four-hour game of Yahtzee

We hamster-sat Buddy's girlfriend Clover

Well the ball is off and rolling and I can't believe the productivity of getting ready for school-ness we have going on now. I think all kids officially have (multiple pairs of!) pants to wear and proper lunch bags and water bottles, thanks to online ordering on Friday. This also prompted me to designate a whole cabinet to lunch containers and gear this year. We are getting organized!

Jeff came home and we got right to the Yahtzee and Uno playing. We continued through the weekend, taking a short break to get the house ready for a showing that didn't happen (rescheduled) and then we came home, made some pizzas, and got to a four-hour game of Yahtzee- we played the whole score sheet, all 6 games at one time. It was fun and we learned a lot but four hours feels longer than four hours.

If someone had looked in our windows this weekend they would see a happy family enjoying each other. That's a great feeling.

This morning I made a big pancake breakfast and then we spent a lot of time looking at houses online. We're still super unsure where we want to live on top of having limited options in the areas we need to be. Do I want a view? Lots of land? Somewhere rural? Or maybe downtown where we can walk everywhere and have a house with character? It will probably come down to just the right house finding us, as it always does, and I do have a feeling it's going to find us soon.

(seventy three, seventy four, seventy five!)

August 20, 2015

some fortune

What does it mean?

Buddy the hamster's noisy wheel woke me up at a quarter 'til five. I couldn't get back to sleep.

I finally began our back to school shopping- two backpacks and one pair of shoes (out of four) purchased. That's about it so far but it feels like a lot. Relieved to at least get a start.

We had a showing at six and I worked on the house all day here and there, it was already pretty okay but I had the lawn service come and I even went out and did the windows. Carter said he had a feeling this could be it. I was so tired by the time we left to go to the Chinese place for dinner. It was so nice to have someone else do the cooking. I was tempted to sit by myself, with the kids at another table because I just needed the quiet and the kids, they like to talk. But I stayed awake and now we have a ton of leftovers for tomorrow and we shall see what comes of all of this. Also what does my fortune even mean?

I am just so tired. But I had a couple peaches that were going to go bad so now I'm waiting for this to be done in the oven. I double checked my calendar for tomorrow and there are zero things on it. Yes.

(day seventy two)

August 19, 2015

thunder for the ocean

I awoke to thunder but it was just the ocean. I wonder when I'll wake up in our new house someday wherever it is and mistake thunder for the ocean.

Today I was very thankful for gluten free pasta, and happy kids. I helped Jeff's parents book their flight to come visit in October. We have a showing tomorrow evening. I'm glad we have the day to get ready for it.

(day seventy one)

August 18, 2015

the tea and cocoa drawer

We have made it to day seventy... which seems like a lot! I hope my kids have good memories of a super relaxing and easy summer. I woke this morning to the noisy garbage truck outside. I swear it gets screechier by the week, and it comes before six! Unacceptable. I couldn't get back to sleep because I had an early dentist appt anyway and might as well stay up.

Every day I organize or clean a new drawer or shelf or cabinet. Today it was the tea and cocoa drawer. It feels very big girl of me to finally have my teas all situated in their own little slots in a container. Can't wait for company to come and see it. I made sugar cookies before bed and let the kids decorate them. The kids had their bath and I combed and de-tangled Ivy's hair while we watched a Draw Me A Story episode. This is one of my favorites of our nightly routine.

I hope I can sleep in a bit tomorrow.

(day seventy)

August 17, 2015

the sunset on the way

Sometimes I can't wait to finish a book because it's so good and I want to return it as soon as possible for the next person in line to read it. Sometimes I can't wait to finish so that I can start reading the next book in my to-read stack. Sometimes it's due the next day and I just need to finish it already and I can also check out the sunset on the way to the library book drop.

We had a nice Monday. We spent some time at the park, watched The Little Mermaid (Kiss The Girl still holds up, one of my faves) and Cupcake Wars.

(day 69)

August 16, 2015

to alone time

Bandon Saturday night
Our view at dinner

I spent all of Friday in the kitchen pretty much preparing food for the weekend. Two different kinds of tacos, two different kinds of chili. Corn bread. I don't have to cook again until tomorrow. So nice.

Saturday morning I went and got my iced coffee and veggies from the CSA as usual. I made a big breakfast and then we had a big Uno tournament. Later on we had a double date with friends to celebrate a birthday and then came back here for cake and ice cream, and to play Yahtzee and more Uno.

This morning I took advantage of having Jeff here for the day and slipped out by myself for some wonderful alone time. I headed up to the thrift store and then on to the grocery store where I shopped slowly and leisurely. The bay was sparkling as I drove by. Egrets were flying under the bridge. The trees were extra green. It was perfect.

Jeff's already back to his place and I've got a new knitting project and a book to read.

(days 66/67/68)

August 13, 2015

my favorite things

Today was very nice. Coffee, library, knitting shop... my favorite things. Then it was my turn for my dental cleaning and that was... good to get over with. It's finally raining (we've had a terrible drought) and there is thunder and lightning, only about the 5th time I've heard it since we've moved. Yes, I keep count because I miss the thunderstorms of the midwest! And my anxiety has been pretty okay today but I still had to google about lightning causing wildfires as we're in high danger. Looks like it's not as common as I thought, so I won't I'll try not to worry tonight.

(day sixty-five of ninety-two days of summer vacation)

August 12, 2015

summer sprite

summer girl

I can see how some parents might worship their children. Their beauty, their light, such perfect creatures, such mesmerizing copies of (the best parts of) ourselves. It keeps coming to me in waves that I'm losing my little partner in a month. I forget that gone are the lunch dates and little naps we'd sometimes sneak in before going to pick up the boys. We crossed the street to the toy store and the back of her hand... it is the softest thing I've ever touched. She took forever to decide on what she wanted that she could also actually afford with her seven dollars. (a coin purse and a tiny bejeweled journal with matching pen) (she is always buying little journals and notebooks) (she is just like me.)

Yesterday we had another showing. These showings are starting to get costly as I get to cleaning and then don't want anyone eating in the kitchen so we leave and end up at Subway because everyone is starving and we have to do something for an hour or so.

There's a huge blanket fort in my living room. My kids are happy/fed/bathed/clean. Today was the first day in a long time that I could literally do nothing but read and really relax and breathe.

(days sixty-three and sixty-four)

August 10, 2015

pretty good shape

I organized the spice cabinet and snack drawer (they were pretty scary) and I can't even tell you how many times I've opened them today to just stand and look at how neat they are right now. We have another showing tomorrow afternoon and thanks to the showing on Sunday we're in pretty good shape. We still have absolutely no leads on where we will actually move to if/when we do sell this house, however.

(day sixty-two)

August 9, 2015

the closer we get


Long ago I'd scheduled all four kids for dental cleanings for this past Thursday. So that was exciting. We got through it. We had some extra time before our appointment so we hung out at the park for a bit. This seagull reminded me of my Poppal looking for four-leaf clovers.

After the big trip to the dentist we got dinner and then headed back to Bandon. Jeff came home a day early so that we could go to a blues concert in town. It did not disappoint.

Friday morning we went out for coffee and to walk around Old Town. It was like a bonus Saturday. It was nice. I took Noah for a hair cut. Things were pretty chill. I cooked some pizzas and then left for a much-needed girls night out with friends. We went out to eat at 7 Devils and it was perfect.

Yesterday we taught the kids how to play Yahtzee. Gray and Ivy rolled two Yahtzees each almost every game (and even when we played again today!) I am hoping this counts as summer math review. We make them do all the scoring themselves. We also got out the Uno cards and have been playing non-stop.

We had a showing this morning so we got the house looking all beautiful and neat and took a drive to Port Orford. It was foggy in Bandon, the sun came out as we took the 101 south and then as soon as we drove into Port Orford we were back into the fog. We stopped at our favorite stop (Langlois Market) and ate lunch outside.We headed home to play some more Yahtzee & Uno until it was time for Jeff to take off again for the week. We watched Matilda tonight- Ivy is at exactly the right age to eat every second of that movie up.

We have zero things on the calendar for this whole week and that feels wonderful. We have one month until the kids go back to school and I can already see how these days are flying by the closer we get.

((the) days (are slipping away) 58/59/60/61)

August 5, 2015

little bird

On Monday morning we found out that the showing had been cancelled for the next day, so that was kind of a relief in the way that now we didn't have to clean all day. I still did some general cleaning up and vacuuming, and Ivy reminded me of my promise to get them Dairy Queen a while back. I told her we could go after dinner. So when I checked the mail it was a nice surprise to see that Mimi had sent the kids a DQ gift card. Gray remarked "Now that's convenient!"

Little bird

Yesterday I awoke early from a horrible nightmare about Ivy and within moments she was coming into my room saying that she had a bad dream. I was so happy to have her in my arms. She had a drawing class at the art gallery in the afternoon and that's about all we did. My allergies have been making me feel so off and useless the past week or so, and I've basically just been lying around and reading.

Today was another blah morning and then we met friends after lunch at the school park. Then, just a bit ago a bird flew into our window. I heard it- it happens from time to time with our many windows and usually the bird flies away (especially if it's a black crow), unharmed. But Carter came running to tell me that it was a little bird and his wing looked broken. He couldn't get off his side. I grabbed a kitchen towel and righted him, but just held him loosely as he breathed and calmed down. His wings looked fine but he looked pretty shaken up. We moved him toward the bushes and he didn't seem to want to leave the towel. We prayed for him and spoke words of affirmation about how he was special and going to be okay. I think he could really understand us. I needed to go back inside to finish dinner, so I knelt close and said Little bird, you are such a good bird. If you need anything, just come to our window and let us know. You are going to be okay and you will be able to fly away. And he immediately just took off and flew away. It was the best thing that's happened all week, so far.

(days 55/56/57)

August 2, 2015

seeing the possibilities again

It's August time and even though we have several more weeks of summer vacation, a hint of fall arrived this weekend with cooler temps and another has month passed. Ivy and I headed up to Coos Bay for grocery shopping and new shoes on Saturday morning (there is literally no place in Bandon to buy shoes for her, except maybe the drug store might have flip-flops, but that's all she's been wearing anyway until I could get her proper shoes that don't have flapping soles.) We invited friends over for the day and had quite a spread- a full on veggie feast with grilled portabella & veggie sandwiches, potatoes, and dips. We played Yahtzee and Boggle well into the evening (it was so kind of them to indulge me with Boggle, probably the only game in the world I can totally smoke people at) while watching the Brooks Falls bear cam - we've all become kind of addicted!

Today was an absolutely lazy day. I'm trying to rest up after a few nights of not so great sleep. I read two books this weekend- Everything I Never Told You (loved) and The Girl On The Train (pretty good, I've thought of many different endings for it...)

I thought by now we had gotten into an easy routine with Jeff leaving for the week later in the day but today seemed more sad for me. We knew when we bought this house in a tiny town that it might take some time to sell when the time came, and I think we've been great sports about it. But I'm starting to feel that push, and I know we have to be getting closer to the right people coming along. By the end of the night, after hearing he'd arrived to his apartment safely and was settling in, I started seeing the possibilities again. We do have another showing on Tuesday.

(day fifty-three and fifty-four!)