July 31, 2015

curled up

We went to a puppet show at the library and it was super cheesy but cute with a good message and Gray and Ivy enjoyed it. We played at the park for a long time after it was over and it was nice to chat with friends. It's these moments that I forget that we're moving. I am glad it's not always on my mind and that it doesn't prevent me from being involved while we're still here. And I'm also not hit with sadness after times like these, because for many people here it's not their last stop either. Our paths could cross again someday. If the past three years have taught us anything, you just never know. 

I curled up with a book until Jeff made it home. We snuggled with the kids in our big bed before bedtime and imagined if we just had one room with a big family bed in our next house. It's all we really need. The kids promised they would snuggle with us even when they are in college and come home for the holidays. I'm going to hold them to this.

(day fifty-two)

July 30, 2015

the right thing

I posted this pic on my mom's FB today for her birthday. It was taken eight years ago during her bday celebration in Chicago.

Today was library story time for Ivy and I went to the grocery store- twice- which is not all that unusual for me. I hosted book club here for the first time and only two people showed up- including me.

We read The Turner House (I loved it) and then spent the whole time talking about our news feeds and #BlackLivesMatter and how with each year, each week, it's just more unbelievably heartbreaking. We are ready to do the work and need to figure out just what that work is where we are right now. I feel like everyone has something to say but I've yet to really see anyone say the right thing. And I'm beginning to think there is no right thing to say. We have just got to get to doing and being the right things. How I desperately hope I am raising my kids to keep the blinders off and their hearts open wide for social justice.

(day fifty-one)

July 29, 2015

what I'll do

Somedays the waiting creeps up and hangs out for a while. I feel a bit down, bored, distant, the there's so much to do but you can't start yet feeling. My sleep is a bit off and that means I'm tired and when I'm tired I can't shake it.

I have been thinking about what I'll do when school starts and the kids will be gone all day. I thought I would be so ready for that time in life but I think I'm dreading it, because I'm very not ready. It's hard to imagine because I don't know where I'll be. Literally. I think it will be a good time to learn new skills. I also think, with regret, maybe I should have been learning new skills leading up to this point but I should probably be easy on myself, I've been busy and I have been doing fulfilling, meaningful work. And I guess I have acquired a whole lot of random skills that has gotten me this far.

Anyway. Tonight the kids had bagel bites and veggies for dinner. I felt like I was phoning it in but they were thrilled. And I baked brownies for dessert and mini zucchini muffins for book club tomorrow.

(day fifty)  

July 28, 2015

last minute

Yesterday I had nothing planned and that is exactly what I was looking forward to... then we got a last minute showing request and I was immediately in house cleaning mode. It's been a while since we've had a showing, but we got it done. I took my car back to the shop and walked home. It was a good walk, we've been having gorgeous weather. I read a little before bed until I couldn't keep my eyes open.

This morning I walked back to the shop to get my car when it was ready. Friends came over to hang out most of the day. I am glad it's still only Tuesday but sheesh these past two days have felt like a week. Ivy lost another tooth tonight- you'd think by now I'd be smart enough to have tooth fairy money on hand but I had to use the lawn guy money I did have on hand and got change at the gas station.

(days forty eight & forty nine)

July 26, 2015

the week-end

Friday aka dad day came and everyone was happy to be one big family again. I finished up some more hats. I took my car in to be fixed (needs new brakes) but they will have to do it next week. They said I should be okay with light driving until then. Thankfully I have no desire to go anywhere next week.

Shorty's - Bandon Dunes

Saturday I took my time running errands alone- coffee, picking up our CSA goodies, farmer's market, library. Jeff played catch with the kids, we grilled out for dinner, and then watched Cast Away since Gray has been playing a video game about being stranded on a deserted island and kept asking to watch it. We prepped them a lot for what to expect and I had Ivy chat with me during some things I thought she might not want to see. Before the tooth extraction scene I told her what was going to happen (he's going to remove his tooth and then he falls and goes to sleep for a bit) and she said "so the tooth fairy can come?" I promise she's totally mature enough for this movie but gosh that was precious. They all got teary when Wilson drifts off. Because they are human.

Shorty's - Bandon Dunes

Today we had our big breakfast and then headed out to play Shorty's at Bandon Dunes. It's just 9 holes and I was Gray's caddie. The weather was perfect. We came home and I actually took a little nap, which never happens. And it's time for dad to leave again.

(days 45-46-47)

July 23, 2015

forty-three, forty-four

The past couple days have been quiet and calm at the expense of (or thanks to?) everyone with their own screens and headphones. I don't even mind because it's been a peacefulness we needed. Our movie last night was Muppets Most Wanted (better than I thought it would be) and tonight it looks like it will be a showing of Secret of NIMH. After the movie last night Ivy and Gray were nuzzled up on either side of me and we just went to bed that way. I love their sleeping faces on my chest.

(days forty-three, forty-four)

July 21, 2015

stash & scraps

I have been waking earlier lately and do enjoy a quiet morning before everyone else wakes up. Today I made waffles for the week and then decided to work through knitting up my yarn stash & scraps. I know many people having babies and little hats are perfect. I made a few today while watching The Truman Show and random shows on the dvr. Later I made dinner and chocolate chip cookies. We watched E.T. and the kids loved it. It was better than I remembered. Two nights in a row that they've clapped at the end (last night we watched Song of the Sea- loved!) Then I had a phone date with a friend, feeling bittersweet that I have to actually set appts to chat with friends but I'm glad we did. We are all busy with life, and that's good! But I miss my people, too. 

(day forty two)

July 20, 2015

time is mush

Dinner prep

I can't believe it's been three more days because it feels like time is mush. I'm still resting up from a whole lot of driving last week and am actually stuck at home now until I can get my car fixed. I do not mind at all. We have been doing a whole lot of nothing. Saturday was lazy. Sunday was lazy. Today we started getting the house back in order, a little, and the kids helped with dinner (they insisted!) I thought about making it a movie night but I might not be able to keep my eyes open much longer.

(days thirty-nine, forty, and forty-one!)

July 17, 2015

I must note the "sacred Cheeto"

We made it to Friday!

Tuesday we headed up to Salem as part of our bi-monthly trek to Seattle. So many big thanks to our framily Molly and her parents for taking us in. Wednesday we headed up to the hospital for appointment & infusion- first time I ever had to take all four kids with me. It's a really long day. They were angels. I almost cried in appreciation for the sibling play room. Ivy didn't want to leave because ARTS AND CRAFTS. Bless those volunteers. Makes me want to cry again. They can only stay for two hours so $39 in the gift shop later everyone had something to do in the waiting room until we were done.

Coach Carter entertains in the infusion room.
We left the hospital around dinner time and headed south to see how far we could get before stopping for a night of swimming and sleeeeeep. Apparently all the hotels were sold out clear down to Olympia, so we finally found one of the last rooms available at a Best Western in Chehalis. It had beds, a pool and a hot tub, pretty much all we required. We checked in and enjoyed the pool room to ourselves until it closed and then again in the morning until we had to check out.

I must note the "sacred Cheeto" in the elevator. A lone crunchy cheeto greeted us when we got there and every time we rode the elevator the kids would check to see if it was still there. And then dare each other to eat it. Gray begged for me to let him eat it. (Nope.) And to my kids great pleasure it was still there when we checked out.


Thursday we drove back to Salem and crashed with our friends, again. How generous our hosts were!! We ordered pizza, took a lovely stroll around the neighborhood, then headed back for dessert and The Book of Life in their home theater. Loved it. The kids slept in a big tent in the living room. I think they really enjoyed their "vacation" this week.


We left after we woke up this morning and made it back to the (windy) coast around 1. I started on ALL THE LAUNDRY and the kids requested homemade soup for dinner. I had it grocery shopped, cooked and ready, and even changed into my pjs by 4pm. Now I think it's okay for me to breathe. We made it to the weekend.

(days thirty six, thirty seven, & thirty eight)

July 14, 2015

In the fountains


We took a day trip up to "city shop" in Salem (and hang with friends at the fountains at the state capitol.) There are definitely some nice homes and hello mountain top views. Jeff met us for an awesome dinner by our gracious hosts. The kids performed a variety show outside and later we had homemade ice cream. So so wonderful. (day thirty five)

quality "time"

Salon cat

As we all sat around our big dining table Sunday morning for blueberry pancakes we realized that since Jeff has been away, our quality family time has greatly increased when he is home on the weekends. It's like a vacation every time, all our meals are family meals around the table. No rushing. We play and hang together. We make the moments count more when we know they are few. So, while it's hard to be apart, we are seeing some good things in it. And we vow to keep this up when we're all under the same roof for good again.

Yesterday I had a hair appointment and enjoyed having my stylist's cat in my lap the whole time. I had brought my knitting, but cats beat knitting. We did another major house clean up because birthday celebrations had boxes and stuff everywhere and I want to be ready in case of a showing anytime soon. The house has never been so easy to clean since we are cleaning all the time. In my head I'm kind of making a vow to keep that up, too.

(days thirty-three & thirty four)

July 11, 2015

that we should just pretend

This morning I was excited to head down to get my first CSA pick up of the summer from a little program the grocery store does with local farmers. Blueberries, corn, and cucumbers were my top picks. I came home and made a big breakfast for the kids and then we had a water balloon and squirt gun fight in the yard. When it was over Jeff announced that we should just pretend that no one got mad and that we all had fun. Everyone was friends again five minutes later.

Jeff and I had an outdoor lunch date in old town. We came home and chilled until it was time to get ready to see our friends in a play. Carter & Ivy opted out of this one earlier this year because we weren't sure of our schedule with moving and all. It was fun for them to be in the audience and to see their friends again.

(day thirty two)

July 10, 2015

birthday boy

Carter, 7/10/02 + 7/10/15

Carter turned 13 today. I showed him the pic from when he was born to see if we could reenact it and he was like, "aww that's me? I'm so little." You were hours old, kid! I can remember it like it was hours ago, too. 

I was up super early to get the LTYM videos ready for our big 2015 release today (they are live now!!!) and also to go get birthday donuts. Even the girl at the coffee drive up was wondering why I was out and about so early. 

We celebrated all day and facetimed with family and then Jeff came home to fire up the grill. We had steaks and mushrooms that tasted like steak. And then an ice cream cake. Two teens in the house now. Life is good! 


(day thirty-one)

July 9, 2015

just about right


We are a third of the way through the summer and I don't know how to feel. In a way I think it's going too fast. But then I remember all four kids will be in school all day this fall and that sounds like something new that I can look forward to and so I guess the pace of summer is going just about right.

For sure I am so so glad it's nowhere close to being over.

Yesterday everyone was on each other's nerves and it seemed the perfect time to take Carter & Gray to the youth center to get away (from Ivy) for a bit. They played basketball and hung out with other kids while we had some quiet time at home. Gray did help me bake some incredibly delicious banana muffins, and we made another batch with mini chocolate chips today. Last night we stayed up late- again- watching Cake Wars and Poor Little Rich Girl. Gray loves cooking shows and Ivy loves black and white movies. We caught a fawn eating my roses just outside my bedroom window! It was an exciting night.

This morning we got up barely in time to get Ivy to library class. But we made it and I picked up a bunch of great books from the book sale.

Today is also Carter's last day of being 12, or in his words, "my last day of being a kid." I have some presents to wrap and an ice cream cake to pick up in the morning. I will be a mom to two teens. The pace of parenthood needs to slow itself down. (days of summer: 29 and 30)

July 7, 2015

woo, today

Wasting time at Bullards.
Killing time at Bullards Beach

We had a showing early this morning - at the time I'm normally just thinking of getting out of bed these days- but I was up before 5 am because I heard a noise and I couldn't get back to sleep. I never did figure out what it was.

The showing went great- sounds potentially promising. This, on the heels of us expanding our search to other towns as long as the schools are great and Jeff's commute is still short(ish). So now there's more options.

Ivy had her first drawing class at the art gallery in Old Town. She loved it, of course. The weather has been unusually warm, so after dinner my friend Jeana came over to power walk the beach. It was perfect.

Tonight the kids are going to bed late... again... because we had to watch Chopped and Gray still begs for some vegetarian or vegan challenges. I hope we see one soon!

(day twenty-eight)

July 6, 2015

(days 25-26-27)

4th of July, Bandon parade

We had an awesome 4th of July with friends. It was a beautiful weekend and we all even got a little sunburned- in Bandon! Our town was packed. We went to the parade, which was more like a few cars and lots of horses and that's about it, but it was still fun, and then had our friends (and a hamster and a tadpole) over right after to spend the whole day just hanging out and eating. We also roasted s'mores and then of course, we went to watch the fireworks over the river.

Sunday we had friends over again - for waffles this time before they headed out for a couple more weeks away. The kids were all done-in from all the socializing and it was a quiet end to the weekend. Ivy slept in her teepee in the living room and Gray snuggled in with me for the night.

Today was back to reality. We have a showing tomorrow morning, so the living room forts had to come down. Stuff had to be cleaned and straightened. Thankfully the kids were cool with a big fruit salad for dinner.

(days 25-26-27)

July 3, 2015

It's a great place to be

Hair cuts

Yesterday dad came home! So, the kids have magnetized themselves to him since and I don't mind at all. We did have a nice talk about where we are right now, and where we aren't, and I feel like I have a better focus now. This in-between time is just not going to do. So, right now I am here. And until that changes, I will have my focus here. We will plan for our summer to be spent here. When we think about school starting in the fall, we will plan to go here. And yes, we're still moving when the house sells, but that is someday. Right now we are here and for this I am very thankful and happy. I like this right now.

Today we went to see Inside Out. We all loved it. I took the boys for hair cuts. We came home and I prepared a ton of food for tomorrow- we're having friends over and will have a feast. I can't wait.

(days twenty-three and twenty-four)

July 1, 2015

July and Day 22

Well, we made it to July. And oh man I am having the hardest time getting my kids to bed. The sun doesn't go down until so late here. I know it's summer but we need sleep. Today we trekked up to Coos Bay to do some shopping to stock the pantry. I realized that I haven't crossed the bridge to leave Bandon in almost three weeks. It's nice to stay here on our little pretend island sometimes. Soon enough we'll be heading back up to Seattle so I'm cherishing all this time out of the car.

Jeff comes home tomorrow night and I can always sense I need to get to the end of my shift with the kids- soccer balls flying through my living room and fighting and "you bit me!" and "no I didn't!" and "then why were your teeth on my arm?" - I made everybody sit together and watch a movie. I put on Nacho Libre and have no idea why they thought it was so funny but glad they did. Then they all bonded over Siri and asking her dumb questions. And finally, they went to bed. (day twenty-two)