March 15, 2015

And here, the Ides of March



Here's some things to write down: I didn't think it would be like this. This time I'm in, where I am, how I am handling it all. Not saying I am disappointed or not, it's just that I didn't think it would be like this.

Before we moved to Ohio I knew we were ready for a change, long overdue actually. So when we ended up finding out that we had to move again so soon from there I took it hard. Most people would say it was a good thing that I didn't lay down any roots but I saw it as missing out on even having the chance to plant something. I soon found that I would love it here- the ocean, the quiet, the far-awayness, the people. And it's time to leave again. I do think it is time, or eventually it will be. I'm glad to stay as long as we're allowed.

This mom thing... to four kids, to a kid struggling with illness, to teenagers, to making so many decisions for so many things and the constant river rushing in my head wondering if any of these are right. I didn't think it would be like this. The discovery that I'm more of a presence than a person. It's my duty to go unnoticed because they shouldn't have to even think about mom. I just am. And mostly that's a bittersweet relief.

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In happier news, Asher and Ivy were together again for the first time since Ohio. Their visit came at the perfect time and I'm so glad we were able to show them this magical place while we're still here. It was very hard to say goodbye and a hard push back into reality after they were gone. We've had nothing but showings and play practice and doctor's visits and LTYM and Jeff gone more than he is here. I think I'm actually doing really well with all of that, and we have a good two weeks coming up where we'll all be together the whole time.


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Things to look forward to: Carter & Ivy's play, another Seattle trip, spring break, finding our new house...

2 comments:

  1. "I'm more of a presence than a person"

    nailed it. <3

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  2. Love you. I hadn't been by in awhile, but am glad to see you are still blogging. I'm starting to pick mine up again, but I think there won't be much about the kids now that they are getting old enough to read and want things private. How did our kids get old enough to read? :) Hugs

    ReplyDelete

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