February 7, 2015

Things to write down :: first of Feb

We got to our hotel on Tuesday night and I looked out the window at the glowing Space Needle and thought we've got to stop meeting this way. 

It was an actually okay drive. We beat traffic there and back and I'll just say that I'm glad to not be in a car right now. The infusion went fast- I'll definitely be asking for more 8am start times. He's growing in weight and height. This is very very good. I even slipped in a little visit with Joy- one of our new directors for LTYM: Seattle. She came to see me at the hospital. Noah and I hightailed it out of there when we were done before noon and were home before bedtime.

My leg is okay. Not great but not as bad as last time. My back is much better, but at least now I know that what I'm dealing with is definitely related to the drives. It won't always be like this...

I had a lot of time to think and decided to start letting the sadness about all this set in. If I don't start feeling it now it will only get worse. And I found this week of rain and windy storms pretty comforting as well as the decision that it's better get through the depression than be pulled out of it. I gotta finish this off. I think the massages and awareness of what and how I'm feeling is helping a lot. Can't bury this stuff under a fake smile any more.

We had two showings this week- I think to the same people. Don't really want to ask to clarify. We have no place to go if someone does want to buy. Also, I need a moment or few. The house is really really clean.

This morning I woke to Jeff making breakfast and everyone in happy moods. We all ate together (gluten free pancakes and sausage and fruit) and we've done absolutely nothing the entire day. It's been the long-est day ever and I love it. I have been resting up, watching Datelines with Jeff, listening to podcasts while I play Candy Crush, reading Charlotte's Web to Ivy. The rain would beat down and then there'd be a huge rainbow. Tonight it's supposed to storm and we might even see lightning and hear thunder- I never get to see it here on the coast and do miss that about Indiana.

Ivy and Carter start rehearsals for a new play tomorrow and other than that it's looking like we'll order up a repeat of today's events. Next week, so far, is looking calm, too.

"Every day was a happy day, and every night was peaceful." -Charlotte's Web

February 3, 2015

Oh to sit still

It is days like these when I long to be trapped under a nursing, sleeping baby. I remember it, sometimes frustrated by it, not being able to get up because it would wake her but also having nowhere else to be. I could stay there.

Someday I might want to recall a play by play of life right now. That would look something like sleeping a little late today 7:26 am... and my first thought was Monday. And not in a good way. Carter's already up. He helps me wake everyone else and I get breakfast going/lunch packing/empty the dishwasher/dig in laundry basket for clothes yet to be folded and put away so that Gray has something to wear.

I make Carter a breakfast sandwich with egg whites, Noah scrambled eggs, Gray Udi's cinnamon raisin toast with cream cheese, Ivy a breakfast sandwich no egg of which I will eat the half she doesn't finish so that I can take my vitamins while I make Gray's lunch: almond butter sandwich, Fritos (which he calls "furritos"), fruit snacks, a "veggie pizza" square, rice milk, and a Dove dark chocolate heart.

I stay in my pjs because I can get away with it today and add a little powder and blush in case anyone looks at me in the car during drop off. Backpacks are checked and we are out the door at 8:00 am. Middle school first, then Gray is let off at the elementary playground and Ivy is dropped off at the door. I skip getting a coffee because I need to shower before my massage at 9am.

Back home and get ready while checking emails. Out the door again by 8:50am. 9am massage and I am able to turn my mind off during most of this one. Hoping it helps me have a more comfortable drive to Seattle tomorrow. Finished up around 10:30 am. Head home to slip in some work before picking Ivy up at 11:15.

11:15 pick up Ivy, hurry home to eat lunch (soup) because we have to leave by noon to go to my hair appt that I was able to squeeze in at the last minute the other day when I finally looked at myself in the mirror I mean really looked at myself. My roots were grown out and the top of my head was shiny and silver. I load and run the dishwasher while the soup heats up. We eat and clean up, I remember Ivy will have to go straight to dance after the appt so she gets on her dance clothes and we are out the door by twelve on the dot. No time to stop for coffee like I was hoping. We get there exactly at appt time: 12:30.

Finally some time to sit in one place for a little bit. I check my phone while my color is processing. Done at 2:10. Head to Ivy's dance class. She falls asleep in the car and we have about ten minutes to spare so I finally go through the coffee drive through. Iced soy latte and by now Ivy is awake and wants a cherry Italian soda. We drive to dance.

2:50 I leave her at dance and go pick up Gray from school. We head back to the dance studio to get Ivy at 3:30. Pick her up and go straight to the middle school where Noah & Carter are waiting to be picked up. 3:45 we go home, finally, for good for the day.

Noah wants a smoothie so I make that, empty the dishwasher, and then make Gray a salad. Before I can sit down with my laptop I put in a load of laundry and eye alllll the clean towels (three loads) that need to be folded and put away. I sit down to watch last week's Dateline while I do some work. Am interrupted no less than ten times.

I need to pack for Seattle and we have a showing while I'm gone so I get my bathroom/dressing table stuff packed and cleaned up. I straighten my closet and start to fold and put away laundry. It's garbage night so I get all that taken care of. Jeff gets home from work and he folds all the towels while I fold and put away the kids' stuff and we discuss house stuff and moving stuff and where are we going to live and what are we doing with our lives it feels like I'm spinning out of control stuff. I heat up left overs for whoever's hungry. I straighten up the dining room for the showing. Wash the kids' bathroom rugs.

Gray wants a smoothie so I make him one and then decide to blend up some ice and Coke for me. I chill for a while because my back and leg were bothering me and I have to drive to Seattle tomorrow..... more laundry and then I find myself finally eating dinner (soup) at 9:27pm. I make sure everyone's tucked in and finally sleeping while it heats up.

I decide I can finish packing in the morning and stay up too late anyway. Time to hit the hay.

The next two days will be a lot of sitting, because of driving, so I hope my body holds up and I hope I can enjoy it because man I am exhausted.