May 7, 2014

Gold Star

The kids got their report cards last week and I nonchalantly asked, "What if they gave report cards to moms? What kind of grades do you think I'd get?" Noah answered dryly, "Probably A's and B's."

Probably? And did you say B's?

Of course I know I'm not a perfect mother but I did not think my kids were on to that yet. I thought they'd give me all A+'s, right?

"Oh, is it because I don't always have candy in the house?" I joked because surely that was it.

"No, it's not that," he said. And then I changed the subject.

I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I barely ever got less than A's when I was in school - so this revelation is eating me up. But I wasn't ready to hear and I don't think he was ready to say.

My number one focus in life right now is pants. No other laundry matters more than the baseball uniforms and practice pants. If they've got a game tonight then they'll need their practice pants tomorrow, and vice versa. I will not let them down, they will have their pants. And socks. And jersey and where is your hat? Do you have your cup-gloves-helmet-water-fleece? Tie your shoes.

I might have some B's but I get perfect attendance, no doubt. I show up. They know it. Well, I don't know if they even know they should know it. It's not on their minds. I'm mom. I'm the background to their world. But they'd totally notice if I wasn't present and they would yell MOM! and search for me until I'm in their background again.

There are hard days with tests and we all struggle just to pass. But there are no grades and no report cards when it's the middle of the night and they come to find me, their home-base, healer, the place where they are safe. They always root to get as close as they can get to my heart. Maybe they can feel that a very important part of themselves is still inside there. And the only curve is my body to theirs. I am the grade. I am their gold star.


  1. sigh. i could read your writing every day. its beautiful and perfect. you are a writer!

  2. Oh gosh, I don't think I want my kids to grade me. I bet I wouldn't even be on the A/B Honor Roll. Well, maybe not today, but maybe I was yesterday and that is the thing about grades - it is an average, right? That's the part to remember - we are not just good and we are not just bad, we are the sum of everything.
    love you.

  3. You are my gold star too. Is that weird? Okay ONE of my gold stars.

  4. I'm right there with you on the baseball uniforms and practice gear...three games last week and this week has just about done me (and my washer) in!

  5. I'm sure my report card would say, "Room for improvement" and "Talks too much". I think I need to breath more and relax more. And many other things. Some things I would get A's on and others not so much. "Needs improvement" would be checked next to patience. ;)
    We are not perfect and that is okay. Sometimes I think it would be completely intimidating for a child to have a perfect parent. That is a lot to live up to. Instead my kids get to see my fail, apologize, and then try to do better. They know I'm trying. And as we always tell them "as long as you are trying your best we are proud of you."

  6. Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you spent a significant portion of your motherhood focused on pants? Didn't one of the boys have strong aversion to all but one type? As for the grade, I admire the way you mom. A+

  7. I have a friend with 3 baseballin' boys, and her stories of these pants...they wear me out, lol! I actually said out-loud to my girls last saturday, "thank you for not being in a sport that would make me have to be somewhere at 8am, outside, in the rain, and then washing the clothes." Guess I'm not getting any A+'s either, lol!

  8. I have one brother whose baseball life consumed our family. He is four years older and I would be dragged to the field for games and then suffer the most dreadful allergy attacks a girl could get! And oh, goodness, if he lost a game......

  9. Man I miss your writing. Brilliant.

  10. I'm with Darcie. A+ for your mothering...and your writing.

  11. I love this!! We are on the verge of teen years so I imagine I would probably be spending quite a bit of time in detention.

  12. Oh yes, perfect attendance for sure! I would probably get a "B" in the subject of laundry. And I'm okay with that. ;)

    I have missed reading your posts...

  13. "I'm the background to their world. But they'd totally notice if I wasn't present and they would yell MOM! and search for me until I'm in their background again."

    Wow, gorgeous post.


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