February 26, 2013

Do you see it?

If I squint

If I squint I can see the waves from here. With the binoculars I can see the ocean spray.

When I get back from taking the kids to school, I come in and shut their bedroom doors. The way the light falls on their unmade beds is like art, I want to take a picture, I want to paint it. It gives an excuse to leave it. I find myself restless here, being this close to the ocean it feels like we should be down there every waking moment. Why are we in this house right now with the ocean right there? We'll drive by or right up to it and I'll say "Jeff! Look at that wave! Look! Do you see that?" and he's all "I see, I see it." Every time.

Devil's Kitchen, Sunset

We tried a new church. I'm glad I've held my tongue until now because, I need to give it time. I'm confused at why none of the kids go to my kids' schools, and why we've yet to ever see any of these people around. I don't want to be in a bubble and I don't think that's how it's supposed to be. I just feel like of all the things church should be easy and safe. It's been a long time since I've felt either.

But if I was the church-starting type, we'd meet down by the sea, front row seat to God.

Devil's Kitchen, Sunset

And I know I know where I'm sitting right now is a front row seat to God, but still.


  1. reading your post makes me long for the ocean, for us it's about 1/2 drive... I should take time to go, so see God's creation in the front seat too. I need it.

  2. Finding a new church is hard. Just hard.

    Thinking of you.

  3. I love that you've got these 'new' eyes on that still delights in your new surroundings.. and shares that joy with us! Totally would LOVE to be soo close to the sea!!
    Your church/sea theme here totally has me thinking of good ol' C.S.Lewis' quote:
    “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
    Keep being 'pleased' in those front row seats lovely.
    needle and nest design

  4. Amen. It seems to me that church should be a safe place too, one that it feels easy to be truly me. I used to have a church like that. Then we moved. And for seven years this June I've been trying to feel safe and be myself in a town where church hopping is a sport. I'm beginning to question why an institutional church ever seemed like a good idea, and if I'm supposed to keep on being a part of it when we can't find one that is safe or easy. I told my husband recently that my atheist friends are more accepting of me and more loving than the ones at our church. I'm not sure how that happened. Or how to fix it. A couple Sundays a month, it's not odd to find us at the beach or in the forest. My grandma worries about that, and I think she wonders if we still love Jesus, because she knows we were taught to be at church whenever the doors are open. We do love Him still. We just find ourselves needing a break from some of His people sometimes. Figuring this part of life out shouldn't be hard, but it is.

  5. I would totally go to your beach church.

  6. I would want to spend all my time at the beach too.

    I agree that church should be a safe place. It is hard finding your tribe, finding your place in a new town. You have had to do that way too much lately.

    I pray you find your place, you find your people, you find your perfect church where you are welcomed with open arms and hearts.


  7. why do I have such a big lump in my throat right now?

    I just get it, I guess that must be it...

  8. Beautiful, beautiful! I can relate. I feel the same way being right next to Lake Michigan. I know it is not the same thing as an ocean, but it looks like an ocean. I feel like I should be there all the time. Love it. :)
    I would SO join your beach church!

  9. You, my dear, are so lovely....and this, magic. Sometimes I think we search for the very thing that sits right there in front of us. And there it is...this big beautiful space of beauty, your gift. And these little feet touching the sand....the ribbon on the floor:) Love you. XO

  10. These photos are stunning, Steph. There's just no other word for them.

    And if you hear a knock on your door, it's probably me. I feel the pull of the ocean always and I don't live nearly as close as you...

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  12. Oh, those silhouette pictures give me chills! Positively frame-worthy.


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