If I want Ivy to hold my hand, I let mine fall limp. Her grasp will tighten, and she hangs on.
If I strengthen my grip, she will pull away. Every time.
I don't really know what this means. I imagine it can be metaphorical for so much. Keeping her safe while nurturing independence. Control. Freedom. Other people, and me. God, and me.
When the situation calls for it - most often in the Target parking lot- I say "hand!" and reach for hers. If I didn't, she would dance right into moving traffic, with the best of intentions. So, I reach and I lead while letting her think she is leading.