July 25, 2012

The Hard Parts

I looked up from my book to see Gray fidgeting from side to side "Um, excuse me, Mom? I just wanted to say that I changed my mind and I don't want to be a paleontologist anymore I'm gonna be a ninja, okay?" and I gave him an approving nod and you could see he was relieved and happy and off to play.

Today Mommal looked at Ivy with such sad eyes, "She's growing up and we can't stop it, Steph. She's growing and I won't be able to see it." It was the first time I allowed the hard parts of our move to pierce me. I held back tears in the kidney doctor's office. It was just us girls and Ivy was busy about the small patient room. I wanted to cry but I didn't.

I get anxious when I think about time, and especially when I think about my grandmother thinking about time. And I'm not sure there's any way to make it out like the good guy on this move. It will forever look like I left them. How can I want to go so much but at the same time be wrecked at what I leave behind?


17 comments:

  1. I know this feeling well. Kinda wishing you could take Mommal with you... Moving is such a bittersweet thing.

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  2. It gets easier and better and then it doesn't and that is all there is to it. It's been 6 years for me, and I go back & forth and now all I want to do is move home.

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  3. Bittersweet, indeed. Bravery costs.

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  4. We are military and move frequently but also visit "home" often. I sob when I leave my grandma's drive-way. Every.single.time. It never gets easier for me, and yet, we keep on.

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  5. Oh Steph, I just love your heart.

    I am hugging you from afar and keeping you and your entire family in my prayers through this journey.

    Jen

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  6. I remember when we moved to Texas. I was so excited, but it was very difficult to hear my family's disappointment. At one point, I had to say, "We're moving. There's nothing I can do to stop it (nor would I), and I have to look forward." I actually had to ask my family (mother, sister) to stop crying on the phone every time I talked to them.

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  7. We're dealing with this already...we moved to England when I was pregnant and I knew that I was taking my baby away from a life lived near my parents: bbq's, birthday parties and Christmas spent with Grandma and Grandpa. I was giving that life to my in-laws.
    And yet, now we're planning on moving back to America and I know that they feel like I'm doing it to them now--taking him away: no more birthday parties, or Christmas, or afternoon's spent babysitting.

    But for us, it just comes down to the best thing for our family. As much as it breaks my heart, I know we're doing the right thing. I can't live my life for someone else's family--I've got to do it for my own, for my two guys. We're a ten hour plane ride (and $2,000) away from one side of the family at all times, and there just isn't anything I can do to change that.

    Hang in there. This move is going to be the best for you guys, and that is the most important thing.

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  8. You're going from the West side of Indiana to the East side of Ohio, right? True, it's not a snappy-quick drive, but it's still within driving distance for a long weekend visit. You'll probably end up seeing family close to the same amount as now (though not on a daily basis) because you'll plan those longish weekends and spend quality time together.

    Be excited, Steph. They're entitled to be sad, because they're being left behind, but you are allowed to be excited without feeling guilty, hon.

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  9. Oh...I wish it didn't have to hurt for you. Changes move things around in our hearts and this moving hurts. All of the pulls and lifts, the shifting and growing. You are in my heart during this time of taking it all down and putting it all back together. XO

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  10. Mommal is the first one I though of when you said you were moving. You will go see her all the time, I just know it.

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  11. I wish I knew. We are moving further away from my parents (this isn't the first time as we've lived 7 hours away and now live nearly 3 hours away) by about 4 additional hours. They are not taking the news well and my Mom keeps crying that she'll never see her grandchildren...and I'm not even pregnant yet. I wish us both luck! I know you are very, very close to your family and that it will be hard, but I know you'll do all you can to reunite as often as possible. Wishing you an easy move and a great new life in Ohio!

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  12. Before I thought of how much I'd miss you, I thought of your Mommal. I know how you much you love her. But you'll be able to visit. And can your mom teach her to Skype so she can see Ivy?

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  13. It's been 10 yrs since I left the area where I grew up. There's no place like home. But, I know that there are many great reasons for us to stay here. When I start to get homesick, I think of all of those reasons. It takes time for everyone to adjust to the move.

    Hang in there!

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  14. we just experienced the same thing with family when we moved across the country. It was so hard to go and so many tears shed but once we where here it was home and our family felt it too. Since moving (its only been a month)everyone has gone from so sad to super supportive and have already made plans to come and visit. We talk more regularly on the phone and Skype then we ever did when we lived close. I feel like it has actually help strengthen our relationship in so many ways. What I thought was tear us apart actually made us stronger, funny how that works.

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  15. Just catching up on your news after being mostly away from blogs for the past two weeks. Wow! I wish you and Jeff and the kids all the best.

    I've always lived far away from extended family, with my mom's family in Taiwan and my dad's in Germany. Now my little family is also far away from our parents, but it's amazing the relationship my girls have with their grandparents. Partly it's relatively frequent visits, but also, it's the amazing power of Skype. Your kids already have a relationship established, so they have a leg-up.

    Good luck with all the packing, cleaning, sorting, etc.!!!

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  16. When I read about your move, Mommal was my very first thought; it's so apparent how dear she is to you. Leaving doesn't make you a bad guy. Take it from a fellow mover. Your God-given priority is those four babes and I have a sneaky suspicion that Mommal understands that, even if her heart hurts to watch you go.

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  17. SO SAD> Can you take her with? IS she able to host a few day kid visit? We worry about moving away too. It hasn't happened yet. *hugs*

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