May 21, 2012

Memory

Tonight I did not read Gray his library book. It was too late and he dragged out bedtime long enough. I would not read him his story and I didn't feel bad about it. 

I sat down here, on the couch and breathed. They were all in bed. Then I heard Carter's voice carry down from the stairs as he cheerily read the book to his brother with only the hall light on.

Oh, I didn't feel guilty. I felt proud.

Until Ivy skittered down to pick out her book and I growled GO TO BED. Yes I might have said it just like that.

I made them their favorite dinner, from scratch. And brownies. With mini Hershey's Kisses dropped in. I let them have ice cream with their brownies. I played "checkers" with Ivy aka flipping over Rook cards and matching the colored numbers. I even let them all stay up a little late to finish their swords of cardboard and glued crayons- brand new crayons at that. 

I hope they'll only remember the good parts of me. I hope my heart remembers my good parts, too. 



19 comments:

  1. oh, how we have had similar nights. i often think that about my own childhood. did i see the way my mother pushed back the curtains in my room to allow the sun to shake me softly from my dreams, or did i only see the way the light intruded upon me, mad at her for doing so... oh, that our littles see us in our full messy selves. imperfect, but made true with love.

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  2. Wow, i could have written this.

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  3. Yes, yes, and yes. I LOVE this. Especially the last line.

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  4. Amen momma. We've had many nights like this lately... and, wow the last line.

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  5. Oh this line hits home for me. "I hope my heart remembers my good parts, too." So often I feel bad for getting irritated so easily. It makes me sigh at myself.

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  6. I can totally relate to this. I am sick more than I'm not...and while I don't blame my illness...I often worry what he'll remember of me.
    Sounds like you're doing a fabulous job. You sound like you are a wonderful mom who cares for those babes so much.

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  7. Oh. This let me take a deep breath.....I hope my boys remember more of the good stuff and less of my growling. I think I say this prayer a hundred times a day. XO

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  8. Hi, I'm visiting via Just Write. I can so relate to this post. I'm sure all of us mommas can. Perhaps these moments allow us to offer grace to our own parents and allow us the opportunity to redeem the memories.

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  9. You gave a beaautiful snapshot of real life with little people. And you will treasure that you can read this and remember some day. I know, mine are teens now. Nice to meet you through Just Write.

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  10. You're every mom. I hope so, too.

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  11. Yep. You got this right. :)

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  12. While sitting in the Detroit airport last weekend, I chatted with a woman whose 4 week old son was sleeping on her chest, she was wearing him in a gorgeous wrap with an owl on the front, and because I read your blog, I correctly guessed it was a Mei Tai :) Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you, so I stopped by, and then read your lovely words.

    It's so hard to know if our kids are seeing all that we do for them, the little things like saying yes to a glass of chocolate milk instead of white, or picking up a new box of crayons for them at Target 'just because', or any of the other things we do because it makes us happy to see them happy. When mine complain about something they aren't getting, I remind them to be grateful for everything we have. And I try to remember to be grateful too.

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  13. Your kids will ALWAYS remember the good parts of you.And your heart will too. You are such an amazing wife, mother, daughter,and pretty much everything else. You are such a great woman in general. You write such great and gravitating posts. This is one of your best posts, I'm telling you. :)

    Danielle

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  14. Wether good parts or bad ones, I believe they will still love you, in spite of it all.

    Thanks for an inspiring post. It made me remember when I once told my kids that I was not perfect and yet chose to love me still .

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  15. Sigh...why do I always feel so much more at peace after I read your posts? I think it's because it feels like reading an echo of myself. Thanks for being so open.

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  16. Amen, let's all frame that last line..."I hope they'll only remember the good parts of me. I hope my heart remembers my good parts, too."

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  17. They'll remember. As moms, we worry too much about being perfect for our children all of the time. They are much more resilient than we are. Think of your own memories...do you remember each time your mom wanted time for herself? No..not really. And even if you do remember...I'm sure you understand. :)

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  18. This post just brings tears to my eyes.

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  19. I growl sometimes at night too!

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