Last night there was a misunderstanding when I picked Carter up from his practice game. I was in the parking lot where I usually am, only this time with the rest of the kids in the car and taking a phone interview for an upcoming article about my show. He thought I would be coming to the field, and for a short few minutes assumed I'd forgotten to pick him up. I could see the heartbreak on his face as he trudged up to the door. And after he spoke his frustration, the tears he was trying to hold back.
Oh, I felt sick about it. That he had to know that feeling at all, ever. But I also experienced a strange peace. This is one of those tough life lessons that I dread for each of my kids but I guess I see how preparing them for independence works. And I survived. We hashed out the mis-communication and I explained to him that I would never not show up to get him, and that if something like that happens again, just try to imagine there must be something about this situation you could be missing. Maybe you need to look beyond what you thought was going to happen. Just think, "Now I know my mom is here, I just can't see her. Where else could she be?" He seemed to get it, and in so many other ways, so did I.
Today Ivy spent the day with Grandma, so I:
- filmed 15 Mommalogues for May
- ran Gray's coat to school (it got colder and he hadn't worn it in the morning)
- mailed two packages and a letter
- put up Listen To Your Mother posters downtown
- had a Cobb salad and a lemon poppy seed muffin for lunch
- picked up a copy of my birth certificate from the government center
- got my passport photo taken
- set up the babysitter for LTYM
Not surprisingly, I've had this eye twitch going on for two days now. I'm sure it's from all the busy-ness and life that's happening all up in here. I keep thinking about how excited I am for the show, and then the day after - it's always a huge sigh of relief and reward. And soon Jeff and I will be going to San Diego and maybe a sneak-over to Mexico, and then we'll be right there into summer. I really haven't thought much beyond and that feels pretty good. My brain doesn't need to think that far.
My age doesn't usually bother me so much but I have been having dreams about it, thinking I'm younger than I really am. A friend is turning 30 and is it possible that I turned 30 so very long ago? With age you appreciate the little moments even more maybe because you want them to LAST OMG. Don't let me turn another year older forgoodnesssake. And let me savor my kids in each stage they are in right now. It's scary and thrilling and you're all Woo! Look at me I'm doing it! Kind of like tightrope walking, even though I've never done it I have seen Cirque du Soleil a few times and I figure it's super awesome and freeing up there but at the same time, you're still walking a @?!&+$* tightrope.