It is not that easy for me to just write today. Finalizing my Listen To Your Mother cast is blocking my flow. I have a gift that needs to be knitted by Friday. And I didn't finish watching the second half of Sunday's Desperate Housewives. What? Yeah I watch.
If I am ever going to get this house ready to sell then I have to start somewhere. Like with the pile of dishes in the sink or a nap and my mind wanders and I think about bills and sending rejection letters and my stomach drops are we raising our kids to be spiritually strong and oh my gosh I want to go get them from school and talk to them about it RIGHT NOW and oh the dryer just buzzed.
It can't be awesome character to always be waving the white flag. I wrote about it and days later Pamela mailed a package to my house. She made me that banner.
I put out the flag and I say I surrender but do I really? How will I know if it's true surrender or just lazy giving up? If I let go and let God and He was wanting me to do more of the work He'll let me know, right?
I just feel like I should know by now, like I should know it all, and by heart. But I don't. And I'm so tired. And sometimes - most of the times - I feel like I know less than when I started. And these are just the words I let spill out for now.