It was the session I was most looking forward to at the conference and it was the one where I had "a moment." That usually happens to me at least once at these things, and this was a biggie. It was such a moment that I almost got up and left the room.
I felt so many things all at once- fear, happiness, understanding, revelation, and belonging. All of those things make me cry hot tears. My heart raced and I wanted to fill the notepad and I wanted to lie down right there on the floor and sleep for days.
Sometimes I feel like I'm always showing up just a bit too early for life, or often a smidge too late. It throws me off, and I take it personally, and I wonder what is wrong with me. Our speaker, Ananda Leeke, in this late afternoon writing session mentioned something just as an aside to our participation -- maybe some of the questions would be too personal or wouldn't be for us. What she said was so small and just a little tidbit in a long beautiful group of sentences purred in her calming voice -- I'm not sure anyone else wrote it down. But I did. "Maybe you'll have an in-between moment. That's okay." Whatever it was meant for, I took it for me.
Deep breaths. Write a six word memoir that expresses what you are feeling in the present moment. Go.
"It's time to take the freedom."
A woman reads her six words into the microphone and sobs. She wants to know how she could find her way back home to herself. My body begins to shake.
Write down what your creative heart needs and wants.
"My creative heart needs and wants a view, freedom, and a purpose." (And a barn cat.) Yes I wrote it down just like that.
She talked of the many inner women or voices or personalities or whatever it is to you that you imagine in your creative heart. What do they want you to know?
We closed our eyes and took 10 nose breaths, in a n d out.
"You are loved.
You are special.
You are smart.
You are unique.
You are a good friend.
You have good intentions.
You have good intentions.
You need to work on some things.
But they aren't as much work as you think.
You aren't damaged.
You can change.
There could be truth in criticism.
You know better.
You'll be okay.
You are on the right path.
You can do this."
(The above notes were taken directly from my notepad in Ananda's session Fierce Living From Your Creative Heart.)
In the next morning's writing session, Jeff Goins presented How to Fall Back in Love with Writing and Create Your Best Work Yet. He offered a link up at his site asking us to write something dangerous, something you're meant to write or afraid to write, what you wish you could write. He's written out that session, with the link up here. I'm feeling quite panicky publishing most anything so far this year. Look at me, living on the edge.
PS Just Write