May 31, 2011

tiny sock people


I just found this video Gray made on my phone with the Sock Puppets app.
Oh you can not deny that his voice is the sweetest.

It felt like I spent most of my weekend cooking or driving my gaggle of family everywhere. So I am glad to absolutely chill out today. I've already painted my nails (fingers and toes) (nude and  violet), bought a new album (Foster The People- it will cheer you up) and after I do the dishes and get a ton of laundry going, I plan to knit for the rest of whatever is left of my day. Maybe even walk the beach later, if it doesn't rain or tornado. I wouldn't even mind a healthy thunderstorm. Nothing mean-like, we'll just see what this day brings.

May 30, 2011

one less leg

memorial day


I love that Ivy loved up on Mommal this weekend. She needed it.

This was our first patriotic holiday without my Poppal. He loved anything and everything U.S.A., veteran, and hero. The day he "left us" was his birthday and I had given him a flag for his garden. He worked on that thing the whole day, setting it up. It was one of the last things he touched. My mom put it out today.

I'm really missing him.

I am noticing things I wish I could have seen in my heart while he was still here. Like, he was pretty much the only man in my life that never thought or said a bad thing about me. He was that person that is a forever fan, you know? And his absence, I feel it. I mean, what a constant. Having one less person around that loves you, it's like missing a leg, if I were a centipede, or something with a lot of legs. I can still get around but, it's one less leg to stand on. He was a main character in the story of my whole life.

Father's Day is approaching, then July 4. My mom is doing so great but she could really use the prayers. Because this grieving stuff isn't easy. It's sneaky and it's hurtful and sad.

My goodness I know he'd only want us to be always laughing. We're getting there. Our recovery period has been so peaceful, but it's still recovery.

May 29, 2011

Girlfriend


Yesterday Jeff took the boys golfing, so it was just Ivy and me. Having a daughter is still like a present to open every day. I never knew how much fun it would be to have a built-in girl friend but it's kind of like that.

The weather was pretty gross so we nixed the farmer's market and art fair I'd wanted to drive to and just went grocery shopping for all the cooking and baking I needed to do for our Memorial Day parties. (You can see all the delicious things I've been cooking up all weekend here.)

We pal-led around and then she helped me in the kitchen. One of her favorite "jobs" is to shake a jar of sprinkles into a bowl, if for no other purpose than keeping her busy, thinking she's helping, and happy. She did crush the graham crackers for the cheesecake stuffed strawberries and looooved that.


We were having family over for dinner and I was cleaning house, finding myself thankful for my paint- and crayon-stained dining table that I wasn't even going to bother covering up with a table cloth or place mats. I prefer the artistic character. I'm kind of proud of it. We are a family of messes. Good messes.

May 27, 2011

I want to kick something. I want to punch it real hard.

I have gone to the store every day this week and still forgot to buy dryer sheets each time.

This is what wakes me up at three in the morning.

I lie in bed, in the middle of the night, depressed.

Dryer sheets.

I can't do laundry without dryer sheets and it's starting to pile up. I dread the thought of going to Target again, in the morning, as all week has been a constant repeat of this time. Why do we even need dryer sheets? Is there a way to make my own? Should I be doing something more eco-friendly? I need to look this up.

At three in the morning.

Yesterday I felt pretty, in a blue dress and leggings. But in my car's side view mirror I caught a glimpse of myself and literally didn't even recognize her. And normally the car mirror is like, the most flattering of all. I note, in my head, thirty-four is the age I officially look and feel old. I look like that woman on Oprah, who drank Big Gulps of Diet Coke every day and Dr. Oz fixed her up and she looked young again. But I only drink water and unsweetened tea.


I get over it and am convinced that I still feel pretty. But then I start to be all sorry for myself, and wish I was beautiful for my kids, for on the arm of my husband in front of his coworkers and friends, and for my own parents. And for the guy that brings in the carts at Target. And for the girl at the checkout who could have been me fifteen years ago.


This is not really about my appearance. This is not about how badly I need to do something with my hair already. Or how I've let myself go- where? I don't know but Lord knows I'm not here. It's something I can not put my finger on, so I lie awake worrying about dryer sheets and the bitterness that is sneaking in about unfair things I can't talk about, stuff I thought I had forgiven and buried but it keeps un-earthing itself in my present.

I want to go to sleep. I want to wake up the old me with my new wisdom. I want to only be thankful, as I rightly should be. I want to run to something. I want to remember the fricking dryer sheets.

May 25, 2011

Small Style: strike a pose

small style pose



This goof directs most of our photo shoots, if you can't tell. Take a picture of me taking a nap!* Oft times I don't even have the camera near, so I make a rectangle-shape with my fingers and sound a "chhck". It usually works.


small style shirin

This week's small style....

tank: shirin via the mini social
jeans: tea collection (use code MSALE20 for an extra 20% off sale prices, ends 5/30)


Linking up with the weekly Small Style at Mama Loves Papa.

*Take a picture of yourself "taking a nap" on a Serta iComfort mattress now through 5/30 and you could win one! A couple weeks back I went to the Serta headquarters and picked out my new bed (I chose the "Genius" style [king size, adjustable, with massager ohhhhh yes] -with four to choose from, which one would you want?) Contest details here.

Can I just say how scared I was to take down our current bed? Because I was terrified of what I might find underneath it. I honestly was certain there had to be a family of racoons or a huge spider nest or worse- bed bugs- but thankfully all I found was shoes I forgot I owned, Lego guy arms and lightsabers, and -how awesome is this?- an unopened King mattress protector.

And also, in case you are curious about my thought process for this post, I actually blogged just as usual for small style, including Ivy asking me to take a picture of her napping. And then after I saved that to drafts I found out my Serta mattress was getting delivered and they were having the whole contest this weekend and I was like, hey, I can work that into this post. So there you go.

Oh, be sure to subscribe to my blog & follow me on twitter - you don't want to miss another chance to win when I'll be giving away an iComfort bed of your choice (yes that includes the adjustable with massager if you want), soon! But- then you'll have to clean underneath your bed, so...

Also, the important legal disclosure stuff: Serta is delivering an iComfort Genius bed to my house today! and they paid for my travel, hotel, and hot stone massage ahhhhhhh when I visited their headquarters in Chicago two weeks ago, and they are also giving me a stipend for tax purposes (awesome.) The words I've said here are my own- thankfully!- and have not been changed or altered or even requested to be posted.

May 24, 2011

"My Princess Hello Kitty Firetruck" Big Girl Bed

firetruck bed
I thought they'd been a bit too quiet...

So, the big girl bed thing is sticking for the most part. She goes to bed with her brothers now; Jeff reads them Hardy Boys every night and usually mid-chapter she is zonked. The first night she slept in her bed the whole time. That was a fluke. Most nights she needs some redirection back in there around 11pm. If it's the middle of the night, she ends up snuggled with me or on Jeff. Last night I went to check on the kids before I went to sleep and she was spooning with Carter in his bed. I didn't dare move her. She stayed there all night.

cat nap

May 23, 2011

up, up, up

make your own bubbles
I totally got this idea from Pinterest; you can see what I did here.

I was thinking today about three things that can turn my day around when I find myself slipping into a slump.
  1. glass of iced coffee + headphones + Pandora + blog reading (technically these go together so they count as one.) (If the kids are napping then this is a banner day.)
  2. Reading a book while the kids play outside (I finally just started The Help)
  3. Leaving the house (I find if I can get us out of the house- even just for a quick trip to Target or for a walk or to the park, I will usually at least make myself (and the kids) look presentable and out of our pajamas and then feel better over-all.)
What's your three things?


    May 22, 2011

    unplanned

    all eight
    More of the cousins. Every one of these children was very planned.

    It's like everyone in our house had PMS today. I hate when this happens- so often on Sunday mornings as we mosey around like bums until we have to rush and get ready for church. Then we're all grumpy in the car, but somehow all smiles as we enter the church building...

    Nothing about today has gone as planned.

    Even our appliances are grouchy; the TV broke and the garbage disposal clogged. To say I am irritated is quite the understatement. So I made other plans and now even those are ix-nayed by the weather.

    A big storm is coming. And I don't mean that figuratively - a real storm is actually rolling in with dark clouds and thunder and sea-sick skies. This might be my favorite part of this day.

    I took Ivy upstairs for a nap and fell asleep with her. Then I woke myself up with my own snoring.

    This morning she hugged me close and said she didn't really want nah nap anymore. Like it was mostly her idea all along or something. It's been a few weeks now since we stopped breastfeeding and slowly she's quit mentioning it. Already I'm starting to feel more like myself with more energy and a few lbs lost. (I'm the exception to the rule that breastfeeding makes you lose weight. It always makes me pack it on like I'm getting ready to hibernate, but that's ok. It's totally worth it to me.)

    And now I can enjoy this time of not-nursing and not-being-pregnant and see the real me showing up again. Sometimes it's not all pleasant discoveries, you know. I have a lot to work on. At least I have a lot to work with.

    I didn't plan most of this, what has become of my life. Not to suggest that any of it is mostly bad- it's quite good, oh it is. But if I didn't know better, (?) I'd think perfect plans are for sissies. It's the people that can take what you get and make it beautiful for that moment, even if it's less than especially if it's less than and be truly thankful and care for it as if it's what they've always wanted. They are strong, they are the artists, they are my heroes. I can only imagine what their Sunday mornings are like.

    The storm is here. It's frightening and amazing.

    May 21, 2011

    run

    11

    12

    13

    15

    16

    17


    Eight cousins running.

    We had a great night hanging out with family- did I ever mention how my sister-in-law and I took turns with each of our pregnancies? She had a boy then I had a boy then she had a girl then I had a boy then she had a girl and I had a boy and then she had a girl then I had a girl.

    May 19, 2011

    The juggler

    I don't know what sends me over the edge more:

    The tantrumming child that kicks me in the face in the Target checkout line or the one who- while his sister is freaking out- says, "Mommy? Mommy? I'm being a very good boy, riiiight?"

    She wanted to open up a yogurt drink in the store and I said no. We have a strict policy (hey maybe it's even a law?) that we don't open or consume anything until we've paid for it.  I played the Mom-under-control-in-public role pretty well, I think, and maybe people watched and thought, she knows what she's doing. I used my firmest soothing voice, I made those eyes, and even smiled calmly at the cashier. None of it worked anyway, but it was more about the effort. I was just trying to get my stuff and get out of there without bloodshed and mind loss. And truthfully inside I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't even know this child and which wire is it? Blue or red?! Disarm!

    And it wasn't just the yogurt, it was everything else from a pink ball to pink cookies to pink gum at the register. It was how LOUD she said everything, even when she wasn't begging. It was Gray's constant questions. And how even when I let him pick out a special food he still was ungrateful because he didn't get the next thing and the next thing and the next thing that he wanted.

    For about the thousandth time I pushed that cart to the car and BREATHED DEEP and pledged to never ever bring them to the store again.

    Hrrmm.


    Last night was a picture of utter chaos; I'm sure anyone walking into my home around six-thirty PM would have gone "What the...?" but! although it looked like I had no idea what I was doing, it was all skillfully under control. I washed the dinner dishes while simultaneously monitoring Ivy at the dining table with paints, assisted my oldest son with spelling while he typed a story online downstairs, and directed the other two to tun off the TV already and read to each other.

    Part of me swelled with happiness as this machine hummed on and part of me burned with longing...I wish I was painting right now, I want to be writing a story online, I want to read my book. And I'll get to, eventually. But by then I'll be too tired anyway.


    We got home from Target and after I was all deep-breathed-out on a very quiet car ride home, she said sorry, mama and she truly meant it.

    Maybe it's these moments that teach them what a real apology is? Not just saying sorry because we tell them to but because from their soul, oh, do they mean it. Is this how it works?

    Maybe it's these moments that teach me about humility, and grace, and what mercy really is? How natural for my heart to extend it to a stranger, but the ones I love......... is this how it works?

    I still gave her the yogurt. And before I could even unload one grocery bag she spilled it all over the counter and onto the floor.

    I'm sorry, mama. And she meant it.

    I'm sorry, too.

    I cleaned it up and announced we were playing the "let's start this day over, brand new!" game.

    And we did.

    May 18, 2011

    Small Style: Click

     belted


    Oh, this girl. The other day all she wanted to play with was a baggie of plastic forks. And I found them abandoned in her doll house so I put them in a kitchen drawer and she was like, WAHHHHHERE ARE MY FORKS?! and I gave them back to her and she was happy.


    chatty

    dress: misha lulu
    belt- target
    leggings- target

    no way




    click


    Also, I never do this, but it does somewhat have to do with style... my new friend Erin blogs at Design For Mankind and she's giving away an iPad 2 and so, I couldn't resist linking and entering. She drove a long way to attend my Listen To Your Mother show. I think that's pretty rad.

    As always, linking up with Small Style at the awesome Mama Loves Papa.

    soul beats bones

    frenchman 
    [Yesterday was French day.]

    My feet up, stretched legs out on the ottoman, and there was Gray.

    He should have been in bed but he held up a book, and he really wanted me to read to him. I promised in the morning. My soul wanted to, right now. But my bones, and my mind, did not.

    And truth-fully? I knew even then that in the morning I'd probably feel the same.

    So I sent him back to bed, saying that if he's still awake when I come up I'll read it to him. Knowing he would [hopefully] be asleep when I came up.

    I'm just another tired mother.

    I tell it to myself, to make it all better.

    The book he wanted to read, Are You My Mother?

    Do I want my baby birds to know just another tired mother as their mother?


    We read the book.



    originally posted May 2010 but I'm feeling this very same meh today.

    May 16, 2011

    one small favor

     sstyle3

    A beautiful and giving young friend of mine has- in a whirlwind of events spanning less than one month- found out she has breast cancer. She goes in for surgery this week and I would love for you to send good thoughts, encouragement, hope, and prayers her way. If you can leave her a comment on her blog, that would be fabulous and of course there's not much a simple blog comment is going to do to change a person's life today but even if it makes her smile just a little bit bigger, makes her feel a little bit warm and fuzzier, even if it makes her feel that much more special and loved... how sweet is that?

    And maybe in her honor think of one more person you can bless with your words via email, facebook, face-to-face, a hand written letter, or blog commenting today.

    May we make this journey a little lighter for you, Brandie. I am lifting you up today. 




    [comments closed]

    This Gal

    This Gal

    Who slept in her own bed for the very first time and for the whole night long?


    She woke up just before 8 and found me still lying in my bed -with Gray- our bed isn't completely kid-free just yet (he had a "bad dream").

    She asked for nah nap right away. And I said You slept in your bed all night! And she said nah nap. And I said do you want some breakfast? And she said nah nap. And I said how about some milk in a cup? And she said nah nap. And I said I love you so much! And she said nah nap.

    Confession: I did nurse her once after we got back from Vegas. It had been over a week since she'd "weaned" and yet she still asked for it sometimes. I gave in but I knew that was [probably] the last time. I haven't given in since. I just keep telling her my nah nap is all gone. I almost feel guilty about it but I don't. I just feel like it's time.

    Nah nap.

    Anyway, so I just snuggled with her and said no nah nap. Let's go get breakfast. And she said make me a bagel with cream cheese and a chai.*


    I am over the moon about the new sleeping arrangements. I was absolutely giddy last night checking on her after she fell asleep. She was actually the one that initiated bedtime. She crawled in her My Princess Hello Kitty Firetruck bed and was like, time for bed, boys! And now I'm totally prepared for sending them off to college or art school or downtown apartment or backpacking in Europe someday because that's what it felt like, choking on the tears as I saw Noah off to his own room downstairs. I still tucked him in.


    *I am not saying that to be funny. She really did say this. And I really did make it for her, of course.

    May 15, 2011

    Home Improvement

    doll


    Yesterday was an unusually awesome and productive day. I am sure I could go back in my archives to pinpoint the exact date that we "started" the project of our playroom renovation but I am going to be kind to myself and not do that. (Rough guess is that it was well over one year ago.) We have had Ikea storage furniture thingies and even paint- yes, paint and primer and all the extras stored in the downstairs bathtub for a long time now but have yet to really get a move on.

    But you know, I'm tired. There is just so much other stuff to do, like sleep and shuffling along making it to the next day. Whatever the case, many many months later, we finally made the biggest step by setting up Noah's bed (because in all that time we decided to switch up the rooms in our house and it's now going to be Noah's room. So, it's probably good we didn't paint and stuff. Procrastination for the win.) I've got piles of toys to donate- whittling down even their favorites so that we still have their favorite things to play with, only less of them. Does Gray really need two hundred plastic dinosaurs in every size? Maybe twenty will do. We also came to the awesome conclusion that in no way not ever no how will another fast food crap toy or prize enter this home.

    I did all of this cleaning/purging with all four kids very eager to help meaning they played with everything I bagged up to give away and then would put it back in the room I was trying to clear it from. Yes, like herding cats but really like herding cats while you're trying to clean and purge a room filled with catnip inside all their awesome toys about to be given away.

    Ivy was quite helpful and I'm actually super glad she got out her toy Dyson to help clean up (it doesn't really work but somehow had half a cup of golden raisins inside of it.) OMG.

    Today I am taking Noah to pick out his new bedding and then we will be even closer to the big bed-move-makeover. He will be in his new room, Carter & Gray will take over the bunk beds and Ivy will join them in Gray's old firetruck bed (which will from now on be called my Princess Hello Kitty Firetruck bed) and Jeff and I will be back to having a room to ourselves. Maybe he'll actually come to bed now instead of couching it. (Ah, the little known inside facts (for many) about co-sleeping.)

    It's a good thing. It's just one room but I am hoping it really is a spark to me finally getting my house-life-family like I want it, or just how it should be in my head.

    May 13, 2011

    Totally worth a shout-out


    A shout out to Ketchum in Chicago along with Serta (and the Serta Sheep) for a fantastic getaway in Chicago the past two days including a hot stone massage on arrival, breakfast in bed, as well as - how smart is this?- Serta mattresses in every room at the Dana Hotel. Of course there are more good things coming soon from this event for me and one of you. You are not going to believe this one.

    An Arsenio hand roll whoop (please say some of you are old enough to know what this is) to my husband for taking half the day off yesterday so I could go be pampered and stuff. (And for his Mom & Dad for taking the two littles to lunch.)

    Huge shout-out to my Mom for taking the whole day off today to watch the kids. My hope is to buy her a new Coach purse soon but in the meantime she is going to get my old (but actually kind of new) king size bed thanks/because of that whole Serta thing I mentioned above.

    Tasty shout out to summer weather that crept in this week, upon which the very first day we went to the park, filled up the baby pool, and then out for ice cream. (I had one scoop of horchata in a cone. Amazing.)

    Long over-due shout out to books. I am finally reading again, and feel like a better writer and better person when I read. So I have been walking aimlessly and alone in the bookstore or library (one of my favorite things to do ever)- tonight I bought NurtureShock. Have you read it? I am making a big list so please send me your recommendations. Pre-emptive shout out to those of you that do.

    And last but not least, a shout out to some things I've said on the Internets this week:

    The Sunday Night Blues
    Fresh Faced Mom
    Helicopter Parents at the Park
    Will life ever slow down?

    May 12, 2011

    Small Style: coming and going

     watching

    The slow-down that I expected to come this week has not arrived. Everyone and everything else has. There is always someone to watch for out the window, always someone coming and someone going.

    I'm going again, but hoping that while I'm away maybe I can work on making the slow-ness follow. And lay its head down, stay for awhile.


    There is busy in the harvest, and I can't complain about the awesome things going on for us lately. With all the happenings I want for only more time to stop and say thanks.


    sister + brother


    This week's small style....

    [on ivy]
    dress: matilda jane
    tank: misha lulu
    pants: chatti patti via zulily

    [on carter]
    tee: mini boden
    pants: old navy

    Linking up with the lovely as always Mama Loves Papa Small Style carnivale.

    (Due to a Blogger error the other day comments were lost. Boo.)

    May 11, 2011

    Walk tall

     penguins in artist's hats

    Gray was in charge of picking out Daddy's birthday card.

    Oh mommy this is the coolest card! 

    Oh honey, this isn't a birthday card. It's for a graduation. He was about to go into the ugly cry when I opened it up and saw that 'Grad' could easily be changed to 'Dad' and suddenly this card was indeed the coolest card. This is perfect! Great job, Gray!

    (battles, I pick them wisely.)

    I heard him telling his brothers later on that it's such an awesome card. It has penguins wearing artist's hats! 

    birthday card


    Am I too free with them, I wonder, allowing them to take their imagination and run far far away with it?

    Or do I think I'm a radical breaking the rules of norm when it's really just lazy parenting?

    Maybe it's a little of both, but no matter, because there is so much life left for them where they don't get to be kids, and really? What's the harm? You've seen one happy birthday card, you've seen 'em all.

    But penguins wearing artist's hats... ? Now that's special.

    Happy Birthday, Jeff. Hope you love that the kids are just as weird as me. We love you.

    May 9, 2011

    Forty tickets shy of selling out.


    I thought that maybe if I gave it a couple days I'd have this super awesome re-cap of how it all went but honestly, I am still feeling very, wobbly? Kind of nervous still, and I guess the best word I can come up with is unsure. 

    I am unsure how I feel about it all just yet. Mostly because I don't think it's hit me that it's over.

    LTYM-heading-up
    getting lined up to go on stage...

    I can tell you what I do know. We were forty tickets shy of selling out. That was beyond my expectations. To have a full house is an amazing feeling of accomplishment. Most of all, I wanted to show off my cast. I am very proud of myself for the most important part of Listen To Your Mother: the cast. I could not wait to show them and their stories off. To hear the audience ROAR with laughter (and I mean, roar, and for longer lengths of time than we ever could have practiced our pauses or imagined in rehearsal) and hold their breath, wipe their tears - that was like a dream. But it wasn't. It was real. It was absolute validation. It was awesome.

    Beyond all that, it's kind of a blur. I wish it was for more than one night. I wish we could do it again this weekend. I wish we could go on tour. I think maybe after the video is online and everyone everywhere can watch, that will be pretty cool. I want to show it off, I really do. I can not believe it myself that I actually did this. I am so glad I did.

    LTYM-Cast-2011
    Listen To Your Mother, NW Indiana cast 2011

    Stephanie Precourt, director/producer


    edited to add: yes, there will be a Listen To Your Mother 2012 in Northwest Indiana. 


    photos by Beth Fletcher Photography

    I am happy

    swinging

    Park days are here again.



    May 8, 2011

    I didn't think I was a very good listener

    I was interviewed on the radio the other day for Listen To Your Mother. (Side note: the show last night was beyond me being able to form words. Maybe I'll be able to properly express it soon-ish. Still don't know what to think or feel other than wow. I did it. We knocked it out of the park and I don't talk in sports-speak so you know that means something.)

    Anyway, I was on the radio and they asked me about my own Mom, how did I listen to my mother? And I honestly look back and feel like I wasn't very good at listening to my mother. I feel like I gave her the hardest time and that makes me sad. That is maybe why it was uncomfortable for me to think about having my own daughter. I might have to go there. I might have to face that stuff.

    And yet, without knowing it, I was listening. Things got past my stubborn will to be an individual and someone not molded by anyone, especially my parents. Little did I realize... they made the clay, they created the very thing I was made of. They instilled in me the spark that always lit the way leading toward my dreams, and away from what is practical and "normal". They designed me to be that radical person I was becoming despite my adolescent thinking that it was the opposite. They led me to believe it was all my own doing. Hahahaha. I see that so much now in my own children.

    You think they are not listening. But they are. They just don't know it.

    My Mom wanted me to believe I could do anything. She told me to follow my dreams and didn't just say it, she showed it. She still does. I do believe I can do anything. I can't not follow my dreams. It's the air I breathe.

    Mom & Me

    Mom, thank you. Happy Mother's Day. I only hope that I continue to become a better listener to you as I need it now more than ever, and I hope I make you proud. Love you.

    xoxo

    Mother's Day/Listen To Your Mother link up here if you have something you'd like to share.

    May 7, 2011

    Breaking a leg

    good luck
    handmade card given to me by hubs, with a bracelet to wear for my show

    It's here, I wish I had more to say, but I'm losing my voice (literally) so I'm going to say fewer words today if I can. I have a whole lot to say tonight! There are only 65 tickets left for Listen To Your Mother tonight. How awesome if we sell out, but I will be crushed if I have to turn anyone away.

    I feel an amazing calm.

    I am proud of June, Heather, Meagan, Adam, Love, Suzy, Sharon, Liz, Kate, Megan, Patrick, and myself.

    LTYM
    made by Ellie at Shining Stones

    I am so thankful for the path that brought Ann into my life and me into hers. Listen To Your Mother is not just our stories, it's your stories, it's the stories yet to be told. If you have written a piece that you would have loved to read in one of the Listen To Your Mother shows, there's a link up here. I'll be writing and linking up tomorrow, too. I'd love to read yours.



    May 6, 2011

    Leaving Las Vegas, for good.

    hand bag
      
    In the past week I stopped breastfeeding, for good. I left the kids the longest they've ever been away from both me and Jeff- for three whole nights! and four long days!- and I lived to tell about it. And so did they. I am directing/producing a one-night show that debuts tomorrow.

    No wonder I am up at two in the morning with a body like jelly.

    The only thing I know for sure is what I'm wearing for Listen To Your Mother. Nothing else is sticking right now and that's ok. This must be survival mode. Maybe we can all talk when it's over and this will all make so much more sense.

    Paris, LV

    A quick run-down of my thoughts on Vegas? I never gambled once, not even a slot machine! I just never got the itch. I kinda wish I'd played roulette one time, you know, with my good luck lately. The food was amazing. See also: we never ate at a single buffet. Cigarette smoke. Weird coughing guy in the room next to us. (Probably from all the cigarettes.) Hotels are like university campuses there. Go visit them all. Especially the Cosmopolitan. Especially if you like Mad Men. Especially if you like smoke-free. Real Paris is a gazillion times better than Las Vegas Paris but any Paris is better than no Paris. Short skirts. I did not conform, but  I did show my legs knee-down one day with no leggings. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!

    style

    With the close of nursing Ivy- a whole two years and eight months- I realize she has moved on much faster than I can catch up. She is Big Girl Now, and as I type I am having my first real cry about it. Just like that, anything baby about her is gone gone gone and all those photos? Memories? Don't feel like enough. This door closes on more than breastfeeding. It's babies. And I've heard a big slam. For good. And I can't stop crying.

    May 4, 2011

    Small Style: Wild Horses

    sstyle

    dress: twirls & twigs via zulily

    sstyle2



    OH PS LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER IS, LIKE, IN TWO DAYS. Buy your tickets now and here- cheaper than at the door. And easier on me. But totally still okay if you must wait until the night of the show IN TWO DAYS.

    GAH.

    And yeah, linking up with Small Style at the awesome Mama Loves Papa.

    May 3, 2011

    May FOUR

    mayFOUR 


    they're an eclectic
    electric my sidekick clique.
    they are my bunch. love.

    mayFOUR fun

    I used to take photos of my kids on the first of every month, now it's on the fourth. Four for four... get it? You can see past month photos here.

    May 2, 2011

    All My Sons*

    noah

    How am I the mother to a boy-man?


    carter

    He sees with his heart.


    gray

    My wish for Gray is that he can learn to laugh at himself and his mistakes. Soon-like. Also, how sweet are his hands.


    Some words I have written lately...

    *Arthur Miller's All My Sons was the first theatre production I auditioned for & was cast in college.
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