December 21, 2011

I am in the season

I am in the season when the Christmas cookies look hideous because they were iced by my three-year-old. 

And as much as I want to say that is what makes them beautiful, the truth is, they really are hideous. 

And they were not made by scratch. I am in the season that I don't think anything will be made non-convenience style this holiday. It's a bit of a downer but also, I'm relieved that I'm not in the season of doing it all when I really can't or shouldn't be.

I am in the season of bumming rides and relying on friends to help when I'm usually more comfortable in the I'm the helper season. It's just not that time for me right now. I'm dealing with it. 

I am in the season of the elastic waistband whenever possible.

I am smack dab in middle age, I think? And I hear the constant buzzing of that prayer by Ruth Bell Graham, and painfully wonder where my writing on the Internet fits in it all... 

Dear Lord,
Thou knowest better than I myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody, helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I must have a few friends at the end.

I am in the season of wanting mercy more than I'm able to dish it out. I am in the season when I wish I had more to give, of everything. And I hope to remember that so often others have been right here, too, and I didn't understand. But now I do. And I'm sorry I didn't give you the break you so needed. I sure do hope you're in the season of forgiveness.

I am in the season of searching stranger's faces for secrets, for familiarity, for something we might know about each other, and for anything that feels like home.

31 comments:

  1. I am in the season for accepting changes, both good and bad. Arms thrown up in the air open wide, waiting for anything and everything.Free.

    I love this post (and you)

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  2. Wait, how old are you? I'm 35 and I do not consider that middle age. SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

    xx-Z

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  3. LOLing at Zak.

    Also, I loved giving you a ride Friday. So there. Nothing to deal with at all!

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  4. You are not middle-aged until your youngest child has left home to be on her own. So you have quite a few years to wait for middle-age. Did you let Ivy ice the cookies with frosting? I used to make sugar cookies and let Terry put the colored sugar sprinkles on or paint (with a brush)evaporated milk with food coloring on the cookies. I've never iced a cookie in my life because I don't like frosting.

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  5. I don't normally comment, but I had to say- beautifully written.

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  6. Okay, about the middle aged thing. I FEEL really middle aged right now. Okay? LOL

    Steph

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  7. Sometimes I don't really know what to leave in a comment. But I want to comment. You write so beautifully and I feel what you write. Every time. I'm sorry I just keep repeating that comment!

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  8. The gingerbread house the kids did with my MIL while Tim and I were in NYC was/is completely hideous. I only took pictures because I promised I would and it's tradition. But without me here to supervise? WOW.

    Please don't stop writing on the internet. I love that you do, for posts JUST like this.

    xo

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  9. You are lovely:) And not-so-middle-aged........Accept you are enough. You are always enough:)

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  10. I thought this was beautiful. you are where you are, and I am sure your people love you regardless. AND? who cares what the cookies look like? At least you made them.

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  11. Even ugly cookies taste good. Especially with spiced chai tea. While the baby is finally napping. While wearing my fuzzy slippers that sometimes tickle my toes.
    PS- 35 is awesomeness on a stick. After April, 36 will be awesomeness on a stick. *wink*

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  12. I think I am in the season of angry frustration. Life is hard right now. I am incapable of helping anyone. I am learning to accept the help of others. For me I write because it makes it easier. I hope someone gets something out of it.

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  13. we are in very similar seasons. thank you for putting this all into words.

    <3

    Kelli

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  14. This post made me want you to come visit me. Please? :)

    Love ya,
    Mary

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  15. I have had to accept more help this season than I ever have and it is so hard for me to do. I will join you with our elastic banded waists and eat those ugly cookies any day. We will look back on this time some day and smile. Happy Holidays to you Steph!

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  16. This is so beautifully written and reminds me that we are all in a "season" they might be different but everyone is going through something on the inside that isn't so easy to see from the outside. Beautifully written.

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  17. OH, Dude....I need this tattooed on me: Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

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  18. Thanks for sharing this :) I am in the season of a constant messy house and with a two year old and three year old I am learning to deal with it and realize that no matter how much I clean it's not going to not be messy!

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  19. This was beautiful. It's good to be reminded that we all are in a season. They may be different seasons, but we all need mercy for the one we're in.

    I also adore the quote by Ruth Graham! I do believe I need to keep it somewhere that I can read it often as I grow older.

    Have a wonderful Christmas!

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  20. The last line? My favorite. Behind all those stranger's faces - a story of many seasons - and if we stop to watch; listen - we can learn. Sometimes? It's just so hard to stop.

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  21. Great post! I, too, am in the season of letting the kids do the gingerbread house ANY.WAY.THEY.WANT without letting my OCD get in the way! LOL

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  22. Absolutely fantastic prayer. I am copying it right now.
    Merry Christmas, Steph. :)

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  23. I've never heard that prayer, but I LOVE it! :-)
    Happy season, friend.

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  24. Gorgeous. I'm in the season when I can't even come close to writing like this. I don't know how you do it, but I love it.

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  25. You and me both. I read this quote by Chekov today: “Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.” Preach it, Chekov. Preach. It.

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  26. Beautifully authentic and raw and real. You are a treasure to the blogosphere. You are a gifted writer. You are a wonderful mother. Don't forget those three things this Christmas (or ever).

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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  27. I looove that prayer. Is that the whole thing, or where can I find it?

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  28. linda, I think it's from the book "Blessing for a Mother's Day" and I'm pretty sure that's the whole prayer!

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  29. i'm smack in the middle of needing to let go of some preconceived notions. of where i should be and what my life is supposed to look like. i feel ya, sister.
    merry merry.

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