August 8, 2011

In-tense

 fierce

I know I already posted pics of Ivy in this swimsuit in the lake earlier today (my first animated gif! I learned how here!) but hello, fierce.

Shopping in historic downtown Big Rapids this past weekend I bought Ivy a Barbie doll for fifty cents at a cute resale shop. She of course didn't have any clothes, so I promised we'd get her an outfit. Later that day I took her to Kmart to the toy section, and on the way we passed the accessories department and she dawdled by the bracelets, fingering the necklaces and picking at every shiny thing. I must have said her name a hundred times but she was fascinated and I had a whole inner conversation with myself, about how I definitely do not push girly stuff on her but she is so girly. (Probably the roughest toughest girly girl I know) but still despite being brought up with older brothers and having a Mom that shies away from pink, she loves pink.

And she's my girlfriend. And today as we took a drive to run errands, just us, I recalled wondering why, when I was a little girl, my mom wasn't still best friends with the same girls she was friends with when she was a kid. Even now, the people she hung out with when she was my age she doesn't hang out with today. And I look at me and my friends and can't imagine not being as close as we are, but, time and life. And I realize, family.

My kids are becoming my entourage more and more.

It's enough of a production for all of us to take over the park or the cupcake place let alone invite others along or organize a playdate. Even just composing an email about it is exhausting. And sometimes I like it just us. Sometimes I like my kids better when it's just us. And sometimes we need the backup, or a break, or a change of people-scenery and that's for friends. But I don't know if it's just me but I am feeling that invisible pull in the universe that things are righting themselves and shifting weight and sifting through the tiny holes of time and what's left will be beautiful, and important, matured, and bittersweet.

16 comments:

  1. Just don't sift away from me. Not allowed, k?
    I do know what you mean about sometimes it being easier to just take your own kids to the park, instead of arranging a date to meet others at the park.

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  2. Oooh.... I get this and feel this. So much. More to say in response and conversation than a comment box can hold.

    And? I just wrote over at Erin's that we should do NYC girls weekend, hold the conference. :) [or chicago. tis closer.]

    xo

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  3. nope....not just you. i get this.

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  4. ditto times a million. <3

    (i think it's the giant family thing...)

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  5. I think the hardest part of growing up and moving through life is coming to terms with the ebb and flow of friends, honestly.

    I love these photos of Ivy. She's always sure to put a smile on my face!

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  6. I'm sure you saw the Ferris State signs? Eric went to school there.

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  7. I totally get it.

    Whatever will be, will be.

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  8. I get this as well. Sometimes just us is enough. It's overwhelming and comforting and nice all at the same time. I have been thinking similar thoughts recently. But I really hope I hang onto friends at least in some form.

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  9. Ivy looks like she's modeling in that shot! It's so beautiful and innocent (loving the tutu part!).

    I think that family does become so important. But I think friendships can be maintained. It seems some of your close friends (at least the bloggers I know) have similar priorities when it comes to their families, so it makes it easier to allow the ebb and flow of busy times not hurt the friendship.

    I've noticed as I get older that friends who hold vastly different views on life than I aren't always around for the long haul. It takes understanding that this phase of life it's important to focus on your family first, because the days when the kids are grown will be here before you know it.

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  10. I think something happened inside me when I became a Mom of 4. I would rather just spend time with my kids alone. It isn't the hastle of getting ready or planning. It is just that I love my kids and enjoy spending time with them and when I add cousins or friends to the mix I miss out on something.

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  11. I so get it. Completely and totally. Family...these years won't last forever, but I sure wish that they would.

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  12. Oh, you have such a way with words. I agree with you on so many levels- sometimes liking it just us, loving my rough and tumble girly girl, all that stuff. Yeah.

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  13. Please frame that photograph.

    xx-Z

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  14. Having a mini-version of you, a little girl who likes everything you like and to hang with you, to do your hair and wear sparkly things with purses and shoes and OMG, is it not the most amazing experience?

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  15. Awesome. Saw my sis VDog's comment on twitter & came over, & yup, we love hanging with our mom & she LOVES hanging with us. :P

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