June 11, 2011

If I could

doll house

I can get high on surprises. When something nice and unexpected happens you never had time to even anticipate it, or control its outcome or prepare for your reaction, it just automatically comes all neat and done and good. It makes you feel special.

My favorite part is that it leaves you vulnerable without the heartbreak.

hand to open

When you are expecting something, there is always so much room for disappointment. There's just so much risk that it's not going to turn out as awesome as you hoped. Or turn out at all. And for some reason, for me, the let down takes me way down lower than what is probably normal.

This anxiousness also takes away from the current moment, always looking ahead at what's to come, good or bad. I have to remind myself of that constantly lately. Right now is a surprise waiting to happen, right now is life laying itself down in front of you but your eyes and thoughts are far beyond to a moment in time that might never be.

hand to close

Our neighbors gave Ivy this big dollhouse and a million pieces to go with it, out of the blue, and she has been mesmerized. I hate how my kids will beg for something and whine for it and ohmygawd  they'll finally get it and it means nothing, it's discarded, it's bagged up for donation, it turns me bitter. I love how Ivy never knew she wanted this, I love observing her appreciation of this gift.

If I could have many wishes, I'd shrink myself real small and I'd live here.

edited to add: PS I just found myself reading this post and wanted to share it here. Wow.

13 comments:

  1. What sweet, thoughtful neighbors you have!

    This post rang so true to me. I hate anticipation of something, it so often is not at all like you imagined. And even in moments where you feel guilty for feeling so, it's easy to feel disappointed.

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  2. I have never thought of surprises that way. I can't stand how we look forward to something and plan for it and then feel at least a little disappointed after it's over with. Thanks for making me realize the true beauty of a surprise.

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  3. The link that you shared, is wow, lost for words Wow!!!!

    as I been snapping pictures of our little girls picking dandelions in the past several days.. they force me to slow down, to bend down to look closely... to see again... yes to see again with new eyes...the eyes on the child within me!

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  4. So glad Ivy was blessed with such a special gift. Can't wait to see it. You have special neighbors.

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  5. This is such a good example of staying in the now. It is suspending all judgment and appreciating the present moment. It is also far less stressful to stay in the present moment. It is so special to see how much she is enjoying the unexpected.

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  6. great post. and so true.

    and the link...wow!

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  7. This is awesome, way to love the MOMENT! <3

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  8. The link is amazing.

    How awesome for Ivy to receive such a cool present! I love the pictures of her little hands.

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  9. When you are expecting something, there is always so much room for disappointment. There's just so much risk that it's not going to turn out as awesome as you hoped. Or turn out at all. And for some reason, for me, the let down takes me way down lower than what is probably normal.

    ^^^^^^ Are you in my brain with these thoughts??

    love all your posts. you have a serious gift with words. :)

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  10. That link?! Goodness! And I know what you mean about the kids wanting something and then forgetting about it once it's attained...I have no idea where they get that!

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  11. I've been meaning to post this for a few days now.
    On Saturday I woke up and snuggled in bed with my little ones while reading blogposts. I read this one and shared it with my husband. About an hour later we heard an unexpected knock on the door. It was a neighbor girl offering us a ton of her old trains and tracks. My son was so thrilled! He's been obsessed with his gift since.

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  12. I understand this. Really, I do.

    Hope is such a beautiful thing, but...heartbreaking too. I've been experiencing this - too many times - too close together.

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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