May 1, 2011

When Did I Get Like This?

With every step we mothers take these days, we are aware that there is only one right and true path that we should follow, a "better" way to feed our baby, a "best" birth. But a birth isn't best unless it's vaginal and drug-free. Breastfeeding isn't really successful unless we do it exclusively and for a full year. (Not for one day more than a year, though; then you're a hippie freak.) - Amy Wilson, When Did I Get Like This?

I read this excerpt on my way to New Orleans a couple weeks ago and SO BADLY wanted to tweet about it, email a friend, and maybe even write a blog post but I was all on an airplane and stuff.

When I met up with Amy in New Orleans a few hours later, we sat on a couch and I gushed about her book. Then I said, So, I'm the hippie freak.

(Eff Why Eye: Ivy [2 yrs 8 months] hasn't nursed since Friday. It's all been quite casual, although my body is confused and now I look and feel six months pregnant. Which is so not fun when you aren't six months pregnant- or any pregnant.)

But I get it. You get it. We all get it. And that is how I feel about every part of Amy's book. (It's not all about breastfeeding by the way.)

It is so much of what Listen To Your Mother is about for me- the real-ness. The honest to goodness TRUTH. What we're really thinking. Not all the horror stories about new parenthood and not all the pretty roses either. It's the parts that actually glue this life together, that is the filling to the bad and good times. The things that we might not remember every detail about but that are woven in the cloth that becomes the skin we wear. No need to remember because it's just familiar. It's just something we know.

Think about when you read something and you're like, oh my gosh, I feel the exact same way and didn't even realize it, or know how to even express it, but there she did. Yes. That.


Win! I've given away all my copies of this book- including the very one I was reading on the plane (I gave it to the girl sitting next to me!), that is how much I want to share it.

And of course I am giving another copy (signed by Amy!) away to one commenter here. I do hope you love it as much as I do. All you have to do is leave one comment. For fun, mention something about motherhood that you feel like we've been taught to see as a fail, but is actually real, and works for you. Or any ol' comment will do.


Like When Did I Get Like This on facebook
Follow Amy Wilson on Twitter (you won't regret it)
Buy copies of her book for all the moms and dads you know


ed: I guess it would help if I put an end date to this giveaway! I'll choose one comment at random after 11:59pm Friday May 6.

97 comments:

  1. I'm intrigued. For me, using formula was full of fail until I literally, medically needed to to sustain my son. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it remains difficult since I constantly have other women judging my decision without having walked in my shoes. Here's hoping I'll never have to again! Motherhood is hard enough without constant criticism from others.

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  2. I transferred to a hospital after a 32 hour attempt at a homebirth. It was something I didn't want to do, and thought about it during my entire pregnancy. My midwife would NOT let me consider it as a fail, (because she's awesome) and that is the way my baby came into the world! Hoping to deliver at home next time.

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  3. Supplementing with a teeny tiny bit (there i go again trying to "verify" it) of formula to help maintain my sanity. I know think it was the best thing for me. And actually HELPED my milk supply! (reduced the stress of not knowing why my babe was crying and if I did not have "adaquate" milk)

    This book sounds great!

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  4. Geez its almost like everything a mom does in parenting,someone thinks is wrong and well I am pretty happy with everything I do even if someone else doesn't agree with me.

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  5. :) I thought I will wait for "after university", then marry and have kids with my prince charming. never ever did I dream about becoming mother like 19 years old. but I did - and I'm "mom" to 24 awesome kids who I really consider to be my own and who I miss dearly every day.
    they changed me from carefree teen to careful mom in one summer.

    /went to africa to meet them and left my heart there/

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  6. Tonight my 8 year old told me, quite matter-of-fact-ishly that she knows about terrorists (insert eye roll).

    And I feel so.totally.horribly.awful about that. I don't want there to be terrorists. I don't want my kids to know that some people are bad, not yet, anyway. And I don't want bad people to be so commonplace that they warrant an eye roll.

    I am not going to own this fail, but I will still mourn it.

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  7. My first pregnancy ended with very premature twins (3 mo. early) who spent months in the NICU. There wasn't anything that could have changed that fact, but it is definitely a fail to have your babies months before they should be born. And even though it was the hardest thing we have ever been through, they are now FIVE and perfect. And my husband and I would not be where we are now without the entire heart-wrenching, beautiful experience.

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  8. This book sounds amazing.
    The thing that keeps my sanity is my daughter's 30min to an hour of tv a day. I know, she's 2 and she's not supposed to watch tv. But now that I'm 31wks pregnant with #2 I rely on that small amount of time. I know this sounds really crappy but it's a little more sleep for me, time to get some housework done that will actually stay done for a second, time to take a shower, time to eat, time to catch up on some blogging or blog reading, just some time to myself. I feel selfish for it sometimes. But I'm not sitting her in front of spongebob. She watches VeggieTales, Dora, Strawberry Shortcake, and occasionally Beauty and the Beast or Tangled.
    Even now as I'm admitting to it I feel the need to justify it. The need for your approval of it. The hint of shame because I feel that you might look down upon me for it. But it works. And after the 30min to an hour we have a tea party or play doll house or dance together.

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  9. I can't wait to read the book (whether I win or not I'm definitely going to read it!).

    I feel like everyone I know has said not to nurse your baby to sleep. But, I've done it (do it)- with all four of my babies. :)

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  10. I prayed that I would make it to 1 year nursing my daughter and now that her bday is in less than 1 month I can breath a sigh of relief and start praying that we make it to 2 years. :o)

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  11. Homemade baby food. My mom said, "Lori, there is nothing wrong with Gerber." I thought, "Did I say there was something wrong with Gerber?" No. After explaining my reasoning, cost savings, variety of food choices, ease of making the food, she realized it made sense. And yes, I still kept some Gerber in the cupboard for those times, I didn't have anything homemade on hand.

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  12. Co-sleeping. Everyone said to never bring that child in your bed because they won't leave but we have done it with 3 and 2 are happy in their own rooms (but will occasionally come to ours which warms my heart). One day our 2+ year old will not want to nurse a time or 2 at night and want to sleep with her big sisters but until that time comes we will do what works for us. I would love to check out this book! Sounds neat.

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  13. I so wanted to reach the 2 year goal with my son (now 22 months old) and fell pregnant while bfing and then i was confused..he isnt the sharing the type by any means and I was scared of jealousy etc. Im full term on his 2nd birthday so i couldnt just cut him off days before the new arrival and when i accepted that I will tandem feed I was shocked and so depressed when he self-weaned at 19 months oid (and me 19 weeks pregnant) Im still a 'hippy freak' and not only did a bf over a year but also while pregnant (as you did too)
    Im so scared of bfing again as I struggled so much to get him started, he had a poor latch and never had a bottle i would every 3 hours give him forumla with whatever milk i could pump (low supply) with a syringe and let him suck my little finger before I would give him any, after 2 weeks of so little sleep he latched on and I was so proud.
    I'm hoping this time will be easier and maybe I will make the 2 year milestone this time round with my daughter :)

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  14. I would love to win this book for my daughter - who is a new mom to a rambuncious eight month old boy and she is all worn out. I don't think she has taken a moment to breathe since he was born! Thank you for the chance to win!

    It's funny, back in the years 78-82 when I was a young mom, EVERYONE made fun of me nursing and using cloth diapers. I stayed home most of the time because I didn't want anyone to shame me into nursing in a dirty bathroom or behind thier bedroom door "in case" thier husband got a glance at strap of my sexy nursing bra and became inappropriately turned on.{{{sigh}}} I used cloth diapers because I thought that all that plastic on my clean babies rear was icky, they were cheaper, and softer, and better for our landfills. (my grown children and grandchildren can thank me later!)

    But most of my college graduate friends thought I was wierd. I didn't nurse any of them until they were a full year, (nine months) but I was proud how healthy they were and how we were so closely bonded. They are mostly all in their 30's now, and I am still amazed that 1. They thrived despite my parenting. 2. They don't want to snuggle EVER with me...ha.

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  15. This looks good. So many things come to mind... perfection is one thing I think we as mother's are told to have. I call bluff and would rather be an imperfect mother than a fake one. It works for us. We make mistakes and we don't hide them.. we learn from them and help others feel normal.

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  16. i carry my 18mo pretty much constantly. it's a (major) pain in the butt and my husband sees it as a TOTAL fail, but he won't want it forever and i like that he wants me.

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  17. So many things my I do as a parent could be seen as a fail. My babies are carried A LOT, rarely wear socks, breastfeed on demand, etc. Somehow though they are thriving ;) I would so love to read this book!

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  18. Thanks from a fellow hippie freak! Still nursing Luke but would LOVE to be done. like, before he is 3.
    Love ya, Stephanie!

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  19. I'd say the fact that my 2 yrs 5 months baby doesn't "sleep through the night". He goes to bed in his bed and comes in with me around midnight. Nurses of course before falling back to sleep until early morning for another nurse and back to dozing for the final hour(s) before having to get up. You hear people think you've failed if your 5 month old isn't sleeping solid through the night, but the brief wakings to nurse have worked just fine for us. Sounds like a great book....

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  20. I would love to win this book! Alot that I do I feel is looked as a failure, but I LOVE it. I co sleep, breastfeed on demand, did not want my baby to cry if I was able to help her, etc. I have come to realize, I will please no one and to parent the way I feel is the best way for my family. I also have learned to not judge any mother, because she is just doing the best for her family!

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  21. i'm People have acted like I've failed because my 13 mo is so attached to me. I think it means I'm attachment parenting...
    skmohr7 at yahoo dot com

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  22. Oh I think I might buy this book if I don't win it. :)
    I think going with your gut has sometimes been seen as a "FAIL" and I do what feels right for me and for my kids and for my family.
    I thought I had to "subscribe" to a particular stream of parenting (be it Attachment or Babywise or Baby Whisperer or whatever) but now I "go with my gut" and listen to my Mommy instincts and so that means I'm a whole mish mash of "parenting philosophies" and I love it. (I breastfed, did home births, sometimes wear my kids, but also do CIO and cloth diapered for a couple months and then gave up, made baby food for one kid, did jarred food for another).
    There is truly no "right way" to do this whole parenting gig. And it's awesome.

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  23. I had to have an emergency C-section and felt like a failure for a little while, but then I realized it was the only way to get my little man out of my body safely. I very quickly accepted this fact and moved on. My life is now about enjoying my baby not agonizing over how he got here. :)

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  24. oh, count me in. sounds lovely.

    we're mid-weaning too. sort of. i thought he was ready and then he spent all week asking me until i hid the boppy. it's not that i mind continuing, i don't, but *he* doesn't take it all that seriously when i do offer. anyway, it's driving me crazy. i feel defeated. i'm ready to stop and so is he but how can i deny what he asks for, am i so cruel?

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  25. But if it works for you and your family it's not a 'fail.' We mothers should be supporting each other, not tearing each other down. I'm hoping that's what the book gets to - through all the laughter, tears and, yes, screaming - as long as we're doing the best we can, we're good mothers.

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  26. sounds like a good book.

    nursing your baby to sleep...so many people and what i was reading when i first became a mom said not to (especially nursing your baby in your own bed as you go back to sleep)...but it worked for me. and so.many.other.things!

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  27. I'm new to this being-a-mom thing, with just a 4-month-old... I keep getting the question "Is he sleeping well for you? Is he sleeping through the night?" There are 4 other parents (dads) at work with babies within a month of mine, and they all talk about how NICE it is that their little one is sleeping through the night. And then there's our still-nursing, cosleeping babe who we haven't even *tried* to get to sleep through the night. While I know our choice is right, and right for us, I can't help but feel I'm Doing Something Wrong by not making our little guy sleep on his own.

    But then, when I get to cuddle with a warm bundle all night, and even my husband sys he's glad E's in bed with us, I know we're OK, even if our choice is hard to explain.

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  28. co- sleeping. i love it. most of my friends do not know that we did/do it and ask me questions like "how do you get your kids to sleep in the same room?" and i think, "yeah. well. when they sleep with mom and dad til the next one is born...they just LOVE to snuggle in with their brothers and it works perfectly fine!"

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  29. Not putting my son down, other than to change his diaper or bathe him for the first 3 weeks he was home. He spent 4 months in the hospital...I was making up for lost time.

    Oh, and not letting my kids cry it out. :)

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  30. We use a reward system called "Checkmarks" with our kids. When they earn 15 checkmarks (for doing things the very first time I ask, being extra kind to their sibling, etc...) they get to go to the dollar store and pick out a treat/toy OR I will give them a dollar to save towards something big. (it's their choice).

    The experts say you aren't suppose to take something away that they've already earned but it works for us to take away a checkmark for poor behavior or sometimes all we have to do is ask if they want to lose a checkmark and they shape up. Works for us and way better than nagging them or listening to them fight with each other.

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  31. When i was preganant with my son who is my first born and I was afraid to breastfeed because i wasnt positive that my body would make enough milk so i decided not to try so he just got formula instead too this day i regreted not breastfeeding. Then when I had my daughter aand i attempted to breastfeed and it was successfully and it was aweosm being able to provide my precious girl.

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  32. Hmmm parenting fail. What to choose. OH, I know! I was breastfeeding my son and planned on continuing through a next pregnancy and then just didn't ever get pregnant. I realized that breastfeeding was actually keeping me from getting pregnant, so I stopped. And that felt awful, because of all of the things I'd read about tandem breastfeeding and how getting pregnant is supposed to be totally easy. It wasn't.

    We made it to 18 months and now I'm finally pregnant. So it works for me!

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  33. Megan - the elderMay 02, 2011 7:14 AM

    I read a book with #1(written by a Brit) and was told to keep her bundled in an undershirt, onesie, etc., and swaddle her when ever we went out. It was June and we lived in South Texas! I had to undergo an emergency c-section with #2 and felt like a complete failure. I didn't realize I was in labor with #3, and started to deliver her in the toilet - so embarassed. I'm sure this book would have validated my feelings with each child. Glad someone is making sense of the nonsense we're supposed to feel guilty about!

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  34. Not yet a mother, just hoping to win a copy of what looks to be an awesome book for my expectant sister. :)

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  35. Hmmm... I can think of several examples - my daughter sucks her thumb (our dentist disapproves), I nursed past a year, I let my kiddies play outside and get really dirty rather than hover, they wouldn't drink cow's milk so I gave them OJ with calcium, and lots of other things that might be looked at as parenting "failures". But my 3 little girls are healthy, happy and very creative.

    laurie(dot)bullard(at)gmail(dot)com

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  36. I was a total Mom fail when it comes to the way some people saw things. I was a co-sleeper. A baby wearer. I didn't let my munchkin cry-it-out. I made her baby food. Those people said that we had made so many strides in technology and the understandings of baby that I was setting women back ages and ages. But I just did what I thought was right for her. And she is doing well today, five and a half years later. :)

    I found you on ScaryMommy's website and thought I would stop by and check out your blog!!

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  37. I was breastfeeding my newborn and was in so much pain. When the breast feeding lactation spec told me to offer a formula bottle until I healed a bit, I was devastated. I felt if I offered formula I was failing. But after I healed and started again it was so much better :)

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  38. Looks interesting. We all mother to the best of our ability and shouldn't judge how others raise their kids.

    My daughter loves McDonald's. I do feel guilty sometimes, BUT, she's my kid, and since she is picky and barely eats, I give in sometimes. She is 4 years old, healthy as a horse, very very active, but only weighs 30 pounds. McD's is not going to kill her! :) (and after re-reading this, it still sounds like I am justifying my right to take her to McD's!)

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  39. I'm the hippie freak, too. The worst part about it is feeling like friends (and some family) make me feel ashamed about nursing my BABY because she is 20 months. :( Not ashamed enough to stop, though. It just feels like the right thing to do..

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  40. I saw this book over the weekend and it was SO difficult for me not to buy it even though I have four unread books stacked up on my shelf. Now that I know it's great, not much will be able to hold me back from getting it :)

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  41. I would love to read this book and if I don't win I hope I can get it from the library soon! I also had it in my head I would do all kinds of crafts, activities, and school learning type things with my kids-like helping them learn to write and read-but honestly, even though I have all the stuff, I am SO TIRED constantly, that I usually just push the kids outside to play while I nurse the baby and try to clean one of the many messes in my house.....and I spend very little time doing all the fun art and school lesson stuff I though we would. Sigh. Live goes on :)

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  42. Oh crap-I am sitestats-that is my google account for work. Shows that instead of working like I should be I was reading your blog :) -Miche

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  43. intrigued by the book ... but honestly ... this post is really leaving me wondering about my boy. who at this time is fully looking like he will nurse forever. (he's 15 months) ... and he does not like to eat or drink anything else. never has. he snacks. but i am the food source for sure. and i worry that i will have to nurse him forever ... but you made me realize that he will decide on his own terms.
    thank you for that, this morning.

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  44. So. Many. Let's see: not "sleep training" my kids or letting them cry it out and letting them sleep with us and nursing to sleep (and back to sleep at night). I know in some circles this wouldn't be a "fail", but it seems I can't meet anyone and mention my baby without them saying "Is he sleeping through the night yet?" and the answer is always "no, not yet, but that's okay" and then they invariably tell me about some magical system that worked wonders for them and had their baby sleeping 14 hours a night by the time they were 1 week old. But the thing is, we tried sleep training with our eldest...for exactly 1 night and it was the worst parenting experience my husband and I ever had....complete with 8 straight hours of crying for my baby (and me). It was a true "fail" for us and one we vowed never to repeat ever again. Our system now works for us even if those we meet don't think it necessarily should.

    ambular1818@hotmail.com

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  45. I think many people see removing your child from a public situation (i.e. restaurant, grocery store, the family room at the grandparents house) when they are misbehaving as a fail. That the parent can't 'control' the child or the child isn't a well-behaved child. In reality I think it's hard for kids to behave and listen all the time and they are going to express their frustration loudly as often as they feel is necessary - odds are that will be a public place at some point. I think it's effective to remove them and is a good thing for my kid. No one needs to listen to my kiddo throw a tantrum, and my kiddo doesn't need the negative reinforcement of the attention received when it's a public tantrum. I think it's easier for the child to calm down and the parent to be rational when both exit the public area. For us, it works better that way than to let them throw the tantrum in public.

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  46. Where to begin? Let our oldest sleep with us until he was one. Allow my kids to watch TV. Sometimes feed them McDonalds. Oh, probably the one that hurt the worst - not "breast-feeding" Nate. AJ self-weaned at about 3 months after a surgery and infection had him supplementing while I medicated. With Nate, however, he never learned to latch-on (he was tongue-tied, but even after getting him clipped, he wouldn't latch), and I knew so little about pumping that the cheaper (but what I could afford) pump I bought was not designed for full-time pumping, especially if you are "blessed" in the breast area. I could only get about 1 oz a pumping, and by 7 weeks, his need outgrew my supply.

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  47. I've heard and maybe digested a lot about motherhood, but really, I'm not sure I've completely LEARNED anything yet, as I am currently pregnant with number 1. I would love to win a copy of that book, though!

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  48. I nurse my babies to sleep - both of them, at the same time now since I have a toddler who I want to cuddle with and a 2 1/2 week old that needs to be nursed and cuddled always, always at the same time I'm with her brother, and a chef husband who is never home at night to hold one of them. But its ok, we have a big rocker and I wouldn't trade those 10 minutes for anything! And, though it may be a "fail" to some - I find that nursing 2 at the same time is a win!

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  49. I nurse my babies to sleep - both of them, at the same time now since I have a toddler who I want to cuddle with and a 2 1/2 week old that needs to be nursed and cuddled always, always at the same time I'm with her brother, and a chef husband who is never home at night to hold one of them. But its ok, we have a big rocker and I wouldn't trade those 10 minutes for anything! And, though it may be a "fail" to some - I find that nursing 2 at the same time is a win!

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  50. This sounds great!!!!! And isn't pretty much everything we do a 'fail' in someone's eyes. Like we co-slept with our son and many others consider that a fail. Then my friend didn't want her baby in her bed (or room) and I had a hard time not thinking that was a fail if it was what the baby wanted. So depending on who you are talking to breast feeding or formula is a fail, natural or c-section is a fail, discipline or easy going is a fail. We all are doing the best we can with what we know and the circumstances we are in at any given time...right?

    I try and remind myself of that when I see a mom who I think is 'failing' and realize I may be 'failing' in her eyes!

    Heather

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  51. My husband and I recently made the decision to use the Ferber method to get our daughter back to sleeping through the night. My closest friend has made me feel like letting my daughter cry at all was a fail... but guess who is now sleeping through the night? Hint, it's not her OR her daughter.

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  52. Oh Lord, what hasn't jumped back and forth from the "You Must Do This!" tot he "Never Ever Do This!" List in the eight short years of my motherhood?

    I need this book! If I don't win, I'm buying it for myself.

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  53. This book sounds like something I need to read. My motherhood "fail" was having a C-Section. I have absolutely no regrets about having my son that way, even though all the "natural" parents look at me in horror when I say I didn't mind having a C-Section.

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  54. I love reading your blog and wish I could be a better mom like you! I feel so scared all the time that I am going to mess my ONE kid up but then I read your blog and realize that no home is "perfect" like they portray on TV! Thanks for reminding me that I am doing ok!~

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  55. Oh jeez. I have so many that my sister criticized me for. She was upset when I was still nursing when my daughter was almost a year. Telling me to wean her already. Sadly I didn't make it past 13 months, but that was all by my daughter's choice. I also exclusively co-slept until 9 months and still let her sleep in our bed whenever she wants. I am more strict than I hoped I would be and do less. I have an autistic son and felt that I have broken a lot of my rules to accommodate his needs or to make life simpler.

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  56. I remember I once told my friend about how great we were all sleeping now that Evie's sleeping with us (this was back when she was a few months old), and my (childless and single) friend literally gasped at me and said "you can't do that! That's terrible. Don't you know you could accidentally smother her" blah blah blah.

    I know she meant well, and she was just looking out for us (she's a social worker), but those 6 months of sleeping together were the best 6 months of sleep I ever got. Evie was happier, I was happier (and rested), and that meant my whole house was happier.

    Whatever works.

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  57. Would love to read this book!

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  58. That books sounds wonderful. I can't believe how many time I say, ME TOO when reading blogs, twitter, etc.
    My parenting (guilt) moment is having a second c-section. I believe I probably could have delivered vaginally, but I opted for the c-section mainly due to lack of information and support at the time. The self-imposed guilt is almost the worst.
    Thanks for the giveaway.

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  59. I am terrible with nap times...always have been. Baby #3 is now 1 and I let her sleep whenever she wishes. I "fail" with that kind of organized day!

    Thank you for this giveaway. I borrowed this book from the library and then life got in the way and I was never able to read it! I'll re-reserving it now!

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  60. The most intense feelings I've had of failing in mothering have all been since #4 was born. I'm more confident in so many ways, but still have insecurities that I face everyday. I think acknowledging them and doing what I can to change them makes me more successful than I realize.

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  61. I didn't know I would be a breastfeeding, bed sharing, select vaccinating, natural birthing mama until it happened. :) Motherhood is something you definitely learn as you go.

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  62. sounds like a great book! for me, just letting each child be who they are. there is no set manual. with our 3rd baby, the world would tell me i'm doing everything wrong (no vax, no solids for 1st year, not letting him cry it out, etc). but to me and our family, it's so right.

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  63. I don't do time out. My son has autism and he doesn't understand it. But at play dates or whatever, I sometimes feel like other moms are being very judge-y when I "redirect" my son instead of punishing him.

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  64. I'm still just learning as well, but as a mom of an almost one-year-old, I'm learning to go with my gut, do what feels right and not to WORRY about what other people might think or what they're doing differently. What works for us is what matters, nothing else. Sounds like a great book!!!

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  65. The issue I have heard the most about lately is, to me, the simplest & sweetest thing: rocking my baby. I've heard it mentioned in a negative tone more times than I can count recently, and I just don't get it. I rock my baby to sleep, and I love it! He loves it, and it's good for him. It's wonderful for our relationship, and I don't plan on trying to "wean" him of it at all. When he's ready to go to sleep on his own, he will. Until that time I am soaking up all the love and snuggles that I can. They are only babies once!

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  66. Cosleeping and baby-led weaning have both worked well for our family despite the criticism I've faced for both.
    I'm also one of those hippie freaks. :)

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  67. It is 7:17 pm, my 2 1/2 year old daughter, who typically sleeps between 9-10 pm is asleep in her bed. I am 4 months pregnant, sitting on the couch listening to the sounds of silence eating the most fabulous drumstick ice cream Ive ever had in my life... BLISS.

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  68. If I've learned anything as a mom it's that there are no RIGHT answers. What works for one mom may not work for another, because every child is different. But we don't always see it that way. We compare ourselves and set up expectations that are bound to lead us to failure. I'm still learning to be the mom God created ME to be, not any other mom.

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  69. Hi Steph! Owen slept like a scheduled trooper in his crib for a year. Then he climbed out. We converted it to a toddler bed and he never got into it again. For the next four years he slept with me. My king-size bed came in handy!! I was going through a divorce, so there was plenty of room. I know people judged me; but I also knew that he wouldn't stay in bed with me forever. I was right. He sleeps in his big bed now, but I still have to lay with him until he falls asleep. Such a gift! One day he won't want me there either! luv, liz from the SHOW!!

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  70. Too many people made me feel guilty about going back to work after having my kiddos...especially because I wanted to. GASP! I am a teacher who was born to work with middle school kids, but that doesn't mean I don't love my own kids any less. I also swore my kids would never eat McDonald's. Yep, I made my own baby food, but my kiddos LOVE french fries.

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  71. OH my just about everything I do I second guess. Or feel judged. Or fail! Eek I thought that was part of being a mom! :) Especially right now my major fail is discipline or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it...

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  72. i just got put on the waitlist at our library for this book, yesterday, how about that! i would much rather own it though! :)

    oh motherhood. sometimes i feel guilty because i don't rock either of my kids to sleep. (they would rather fall asleep on their own-no joke.) and naomi has slept in her own crib in her own room since she was three weeks old. yeah, i'm such an incredibly light sleeper, i was.not.sleeping.at.all with her next to me. many people would argue i am doing things the wrong way. but it works for us. and trust me, both of my girls are so incredibly loved. also, i'm totally confident in the decisions i make for my family as a mother, at least more comfortable the second time around. :)my decisions aren't perfect, but always made with love.

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  73. This has been a really rough year for us in so many ways and I have become a mother that I never ever wanted to be lately...really struggling with the 4th pregnancy, feeling horrible and exhausted most of the time, and really scared that I will be the worst mother ever when #4 comes. I would LOVE to know that I am not alone in this and get a fresh perspective on it. As my due date is now less than 6 weeks away I am terrified that I won't be able to handle it all, especially with a husband who travels for work several days out of the week. HELP!!! SOS!

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  74. I felt like I had failed the whole first year of my son's life. He wouldn't stop crying no matter what I did and the Acid Reflux medicine wasn't enough to ever make him feel completely better.

    Elizabeth T.

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  75. This sounds like a great book, and like others have said, I'm totally going to read even if I don't win.

    I've often feel like I'm failing attachment parenting because I let my kid cry it out. Ten months of refusing naps, waking 8 or more times per night took their tole and when nursing back to sleep stopped working, I finally saw that my kid needed to cry inorder to figure out the whole sleep thing. Its not what I wanted (want) to do, but its what we needed to do so we could all get some sleep. But I still feel like Dr. Sears would give me an F.

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  76. I do a lot of "fail" things that work for me. I let my kids eat dinner under the table at home sometimes. If they fall asleep in the car on the way home, I leave them there(with the doors open so I can hear them). You often find us dancing in our underwear and splashing in mud puddles and rolling down the hill. Laughing in church. Racing with grocery carts in the parking lot. Jumping on the bed. They might not be "bad" things, but we tend to get a lot of looks when we're out and about...but I like to think it's because people are saying to themselves, "Wow! They sure are enjoying life!"

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  77. Letting my kids eat at fast food places occasionally is my "fail." One woman told me once she taught her kids to yell "Germs!" when they drove past a McDonalds. Am I horrible for indulging my kids every once in a while?

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  78. The Pacifier. My son is 2 1/2 and still loves his paci. I can feel the stares if I let him take it into public. He's not ready to give it up and I'm not ready to take it away. I used a pacifier long after I could talk and I turned out fine.

    I believe parents do the best they can. No one knows the troubles others are going through.

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  79. How have I "failed", let me count the ways...I ended up with 2 c-sections, my oldest son did not sleep through the night consistently till he was about 5, I nursed my babies on demand rather than a schedule, nursed them to sleep & my little one ended up in my bed with me every night till he was 2 or 3! I could keep going... :)

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  80. I'm still a very new mamma so I haven't run into to much yet.. but I get some weird looks and comments for all that goes along with "crunchy" parenting...

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  81. I wanted so badly to be able to nurse to my daughter. I went to four lactation consultants and took Reglan and pumped every thirty minutes to try to increase my milk supply. I got constant critism from family who started on me before my daughter was born. I never made enough milk and despite all my best efforts my daughter never latched, not after hours of trying. Finally, when we (myself, my husband and my daughter) had all we could take when she was about two months old we went from supplementing with formula to feeding her exclusively with formula and it was a very positive experience for us. My husband loved being able to feed her and bond with her in that way and also give me a break at night to sleep. I am expecting again and my husband talked to my doctor at my last appointment about nursing and it was nice to have the doctor say that some women just don't make enough milk and that it is okay. His mother had seven children and never produced milk and they all turned out just fine. I would love to win this book. I think it is interesting that there is a "best" way to do each and every thing and that it is usually other mothers who are ready and willing to go in for the kill, haha. I wish that as mothers, we would all accept and respect each other. Motherhood is such a challenging role and I think that everyone wants the best for their babies and does the best they can.

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  82. Supplementing with formula when I was at work. It ended up being a good decision...I was resenting the pumping so was a less stressed mommy after I made the decision.

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  83. I really want to enter, but I've had a long day already (with hit and run parked car damage!) and I can't think of anything. I loved reading all the comments though.

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  84. This sounds like a great book! I don't know about things we've been taught are a "fail", since that varies so much from one "expert" to the next. I was a huge fan of the Baby Whisperer before my first daughter was born, but soon discovered I was naturally a much more attached parent and couldn't just put her down and let her fall asleep on her own. I also attempted the Cry It Out thing, only to decide it was way too early (after she finally fell asleep, but I discovered she was covered in vomit from being so upset). What can I say? I'm just flailing along, doing the best I can...

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  85. Oh man...when I told my 3 yr old he was being a bad boy bc he was being so rough with his 20 month old sister...and then he thought I had told him he was being a bully and it made him so sad. I still nurse my 20 month old and I dont workout bc I am so tired and dont want to get up at 5 instead of 6! My 3 yr old will only eat carbs and I cant get him to get anything different!

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  86. I am so excited to read this book. Motherhood is all about supporting one another, being humbled by the unknown, and learning to survive on the fly. Thanks for the recommendation!

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  87. Kids sleeping through the night. My kids don't. And if they by crazy chance DO, it is because they are sleeping in my bed with me. I'd love if my kids slept all night, but I accept that they don't.

    I need this book. Like, in a bad way. Hope I win! :-)

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  88. feel lots of pressure to always have my house clean when people come over...to look like i've got it all together, and that i'm in charge = not my three kids 4 and under...

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  89. Some of these comments are great!

    Didn't know you were in labor, and almost delivered on the toilet? I would love to do that!!

    I didn't know that letting your 1 year old sleep at any time was a fail!

    Nursing on demand is NOT a fail!

    I don't clean house as much as I would like, but screaming in frustration - yep, my major FAIL.

    You know all about parenting kids...until you have some!

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  90. I "failed" from the very beginning -- tried for a natural birth and ended up with an emergency c-section; tried to nurse and ended up with a starving baby in the hospital for an extra week (and then formula-fed exclusively); never got around to proper baby-proofing in the house; let my 18 month old watch tv; heck, I even got criticized for watering her apple juice. BUT, I now have a very healthy, very happy, talks a mile-a-minute, super smart 2+ year old who eats everything we put on her plate, sings along with and quotes her favorite tv shows, and understands "no touch, you'll get hurt". What more could I ask for?

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  91. Being raised with a sense that, "You only go to a psychiatrist/psychologist when you are drooling on yourself," mentality didn't serve me well as a young mom with a particularly "active" red head.

    When she started getting into trouble at school for impulsively shoving littler kids down the slide, hucking rocks at BRAND NEW vehicles, and reading waaay above her grade level we were a bit nervous. She was late to potty train, yet smart as a whip. She was precocious and could memorize verses of songs at 18 months. But if you told her to put her clothes on... well. Sometimes she would, and sometimes you'd check on her an hour later and she was still in panties.

    Dealing with an undiagnosed ADHD child, when you are a neophyte, is maddening beyond all description. You do not have a consistent child. They are creative, capable and quirky and then suddenly not. I was 'bout fit to be tied. I loved my kid, but I didn't much like her. Under cover of darkness, and with secret hand signs, we took her to a psychologist, who - after watching her for a time - told us, "I have never, in my life, seen such a "classic" case of ADHD." After perusing, "Driven to Distraction," I was so glad that we broke down, swallowed our pride, and saw someone. She has it as undeniably as she has red hair.

    Her Aunt doesn't believe in her diagnosis, but also requests that we "make sure to pack her meds!" whenever there is a sleepover. Pllbbbbt. I don't think that *I* need a psychologist yet, as I am not yet drooling on myself, but I know that my daughter does. And because of that, I can now enjoy my daughter. Usually 20 minutes after she's taken her meds. :D

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  92. I feel people think I have failed when I say I let my almost 11 year old play video games.

    To tell you the truth sometimes I don't care. I know he enjoys it... as much as I enjoy being online or being on my iPhone.

    Luckily he has someone to set limits on his use...

    Hoping I win!!!

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  93. Another hippie-freak here. Would love to read this book.

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  94. Even if I don't win this book, I will be reading it SOON! I struggle with the various judgements (external AND internal) and this sounds like an awesome read :)

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  95. I tried to take this book out of the library but my account has been frozen due to a very overdue Max and Ruby book!

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  96. I have a great group of mo m friends that all nurse on demand and cosleep so I don't feel like those are failures. My son is 22 months old. I feel like my failure of the moment is letting him eat wherever he wants to just to get some food in him.

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