May 30, 2011

one less leg

memorial day


I love that Ivy loved up on Mommal this weekend. She needed it.

This was our first patriotic holiday without my Poppal. He loved anything and everything U.S.A., veteran, and hero. The day he "left us" was his birthday and I had given him a flag for his garden. He worked on that thing the whole day, setting it up. It was one of the last things he touched. My mom put it out today.

I'm really missing him.

I am noticing things I wish I could have seen in my heart while he was still here. Like, he was pretty much the only man in my life that never thought or said a bad thing about me. He was that person that is a forever fan, you know? And his absence, I feel it. I mean, what a constant. Having one less person around that loves you, it's like missing a leg, if I were a centipede, or something with a lot of legs. I can still get around but, it's one less leg to stand on. He was a main character in the story of my whole life.

Father's Day is approaching, then July 4. My mom is doing so great but she could really use the prayers. Because this grieving stuff isn't easy. It's sneaky and it's hurtful and sad.

My goodness I know he'd only want us to be always laughing. We're getting there. Our recovery period has been so peaceful, but it's still recovery.

16 comments:

  1. That's the exact reason I couldn't come to see your show on Mother's Day weekend - the recovery process is happening, but it still smacks me upside my head. Often. I miss my mom in ways I didn't even know existed and I still ache almost 7 months later.

    I think of you and your mom often because of your Poppal. To have a forever fan like that must be an amazing thing - I'm pretty sure I don't have one of those.

    Hugs to you from me :)

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  2. This is beautiful. So, so true. Praying for you and your mama and your mommal, too. xoxoxo

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  3. Yes. That IS exactly what it's like. Yes. I'll be praying. Father's Day is rough here, too.

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  4. steph, oh, yes. what you said about your forever fan. i had one too.

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  5. You ARE so blessed to be so close to him. I never had a relationship like that with a grandfather and I SO wish I had...

    And you're SO right about grief being sneaky, that's one perfect way to describe it.

    Continued prayers for you all. xoxo

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  6. Oh Steph, I know you miss him so much. Thank you for showing him so much love. You are so right in saying it's like losing a limb. Thank you for being here for me and Mommal and making sure we are surrounded by love and life. And you said it so correctly when you said grief is sneaky. I never know when and where it will hit me. Together we will get through this. I love you, Mom

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  7. i understand this. i feel these same things about my dad. it really is like losing a limb...and the grief really is very sneaky.

    i think my dad was the one person in my life who never thought or sad a bad thing about me.

    thinking of you & your family...saying prayers...

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  8. I'm sorry you're hurting; you and your mom and Mommal. Love this and you.

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  9. I just lost my grandfather last week. It's so hard. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you. xoxo

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  10. I had this relationship with my grandpa, too. Thank you for bringing him to my mind just now.

    I am so sorry for your loss, Steph, and I will hold you and your mom and grandmother in my heart. I get this so well.

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  11. One of my greatest fears is losing my father, so I can only imagine what your mother must be feeling.

    I love how you describe your grandfather...he sounds like he was an amazing representative of what a man should be for his family. What a blessing he was for you. I'm thinking of you and hoping you continue to have these memories.

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  12. We all need someone like that. Someone who loves and supports us and thinks the best of us - always. My grandpa was like that too. I know what you mean about the missing.

    Grief is sneaky and hurtful and sad. Hang in there.

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  13. "Like, he was pretty much the only man in my life that never thought or said a bad thing about me." Such a very, very powerful statement. I envy you. I haven't had this type of a man in my life. Ever.

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  14. This brought me to tears, Steph. Simply beautiful.

    My Grandpa is lying in a hospital bed as I type this, in his final days of his battle with cancer. He is truly one of my best friends and I don't know what I'll do without him.

    Prayers for you and your family.

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  15. One less leg is the perfect description for grieving a forever fan. Sending hugs during your continuing recovery.

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  16. Excellent analogy, a missing leg. Because you can't just grow another one, either. I lost my Momma last year. I miss her love and presence so much. My son started bawling just last week because he missed Grandma. It's a long road.

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