I was lost, and now I'm found. I couldn't get to my blog this morning and it was more than frustrating and phone calls and resolutions and here I am again. Maybe you didn't even notice. Well, good. Thankfully my personal chiropractor is on hand to work out the kinks and tension. I owe him like four Lego sets now.
It feels like a Tuesday. All day I kept thinking I forgot to put the garbage out. I feel like Monday drove a bit too fast and then slammed on the brakes, throwing its arm in front of me. The go-stop-go has me all edgy. We're almost through day one of spring break and everyone still has their limbs in tact. And scissors were involved.
Or maybe I'm all edgy because I'm riding the curb of the cliff a little too closely. Living on the edge is awesome
if you don't fall off.
But not living on the edge, planting your flag in the middle of the nowhere field, seems much farther from failure, doesn't it?
Right now I am so far from that field. I think Listen To Your Mother stuff has got me nervous, just the fact that it's looking like it's going to go so well but one inch away is something falling through or falling apart. So pretty much all day I have to distract my mind from thinking about that possibility. Why do success and failure have to be such tight neighbors?
And, we just decided to search for a (new) church home and if you've been around here for awhile this might be a surprise (it kind of still is to me.) Edge > fingernails gripped and hanging on> big fall.
Admitting all that just sucks because on one hand I can look brave, with so many exciting things ahead. And on the other hand, I am failing. Because I'm admitting that I'm scared, because I'm confessing something I had believed in before just isn't working or has the potential to not work out. I was wrong. Or maybe I just didn't know. Isn't that a good enough answer?