But I do. It's what we do. It's how we get through. We don't really have a choice.
I've found that as they get older, which has become so glaringly apparent quite recently, the stuff I know we need to talk about usually comes up in conversation. Things I've worried about, like random stuff or if we are guiding them enough spiritually have been on my heart, but I don't know how to bring it up so that it's natural, how do I know if they are ready to hear. Yesterday Carter asked me all about baptism, and so, that was pretty cool. I know it all doesn't always fall into place this way but... when they ask questions and whether I'm ready or not the honest answer always ends up the right answer.
No one prepared me for this. You just can't. And on top of that each kid is so different. It's also what makes these years so exciting.You get past all the "milestones" and pretty soon it's just one really big milestone. But for real, it's mostly fabulous.
I don't know if and when they'll ever realize the extra stuff I do, like always making sure their favorite shirt is in their drawer, cooking the foods they like, and going to the store late at night for the things they need so that it's there for them in the morning. That stuff is so anonymous, but it's what they can expect, and they should. They are just kids. You can prepare for their sense of security, but you have to do the time. And oft-times it feels like the least rewarding in the moment.
Though in the end it's way more impact-ful than those first smiles or first steps or first tooths.
My love is there, they can expect it without even knowing any different. "Love is spoken here" with and without words.