February 25, 2011

A really big bag

kiss kiss

The knitting class I've been taking is for a felted shoulder bag- I get to felt it next week. So, until then, it's ginormous. 

Cinch bag
Yes, I knit all that. 

I am now working on the belt and then plan to make a braided handle. It will keep me company in between auditions tomorrow (which, by the way, today is the last day I will accept audition appointments for Saturday and Sunday! Is your story waiting to be found?)

I'm struggling a bit today with - I'm not sure the right words- basically the feeling that no one takes me seriously. And by no one I don't mean everyone. What is a good way to describe that? You know that feeling that no matter how old you are, you still feel like a child, or that your dreams are just dreams, talents aren't considered talents by others, and then I second guess myself thinking it's my fault for putting it out there, maybe I'm not emphasizing enough the importance of what I do. Maybe I can't even see the value in my talents, so how can I expect others to receive it for what it is really worth? But why must it require a megaphone? What if I just want to gently be, and that would be enough, and still be known for its beauty and amazing-ness?

Anyway. Here's my latest fashion tip: while shopping at Target with Sarah last night I realized that the long fitted tees in the Girls' section size S (6) makes a perfect dress for Ivy.


  1. Put Ivy in the bag! :) How small will it be after felting?

  2. "You know that feeling that no matter how old you are, you still feel like a child, or that your dreams are just dreams, talents aren't considered talents by others, and then I second guess myself thinking it's my fault for putting it out there, maybe I'm not emphasizing enough the importance of what I do. Maybe I can't even see the value in my talents, so how can I expect others to receive it for what it is really worth?"

    Yes...sigh. I'm always in search of a way to "fix" this...when really, there probably is no "fix."

  3. I can't wait to see your finished product.

    I love reading your words. You know just how to say what you're feeling. It's a good thing. :)

  4. I know that feeling. I shouldn't be surprised that you have that feeling. But capital-w Woe to the person who doesn't take you seriously. You are a person of greatness. Even in your smallest, most subtle, least glamorous moments you are a powerful creative force only a fool would ignore.

    Also, nice gigantic bag.

  5. I never feel like I'm taken seriously. I always feel young and child-like and that anything I want to do will be met with a pat on the head or an eye roll.

    I guess it's something I need to wrestle down and actually DO instead of DREAM.

    You know?

  6. I can't wait to see the end result of your bag. I love felting!

    Ivy is definitely Finley's fashion icon. Your girly is SOOO stylish! :)

  7. I felted a purse some time ago and it was very very big (also takes a lot of yarn) until I did the felting. Then it was just right and I got a lot of compliments.

    Only you can validate you. Do not depend on the opinion of others. You can listen to what they say; there may be value, but don't feel you have to change anything unless it feels right to you. Do not worry if they take you seriously - that is only their perspective and above all don't take your doubts seriously - have fun doing what you love.

  8. I feel that way around some people, too. I think that with some relationships, it's especially hard to break away from that role. In my case, anyway.

  9. yes, i know.

    i also know how no one doesn't mean everyone, but still does in my mind. sometimes.

    can't wait to see the purse!

  10. i've been doing that for lily, shopping in the girls section for tee's. i got tons of them on clearance at Old Navy abotu a month ago. Spent like $3, they are perfect with a pair of leggings. She's been rocking that look for awhile since she has never in her life worn a pair of khakis or jeans due to the size of her belly/butt/thighs! LOL

  11. Oh, Ivy looks so grown up!

    I'm 32 and don't feel grown up much at all...when is it supposed to happen?

  12. i'm struggling with the whole dreams are just dreams, and i'm talentless, so it's compounded by that. but i am good at writing, but i don't feel like anyone else believes that. i feel these words immensely, they're so close to my heart lately.

  13. Yes. You make perfect sense. Sometimes I think it's just my insecurity and then I'm assuming people aren't taking me seriously. And then sometimes they just totally are not taking me seriously. But I also think it's true about that very short list--the short list of people whose opinion REALLY matters to me. Those are the people who "get" my dreams and cheer me on. And if they don't, they're at least willing to learn about them. I wrote about this earlier this week, but I think where I get stuck is in calling all that I'm doing "work." Even though it's lots of work, but when it's all wrapped up in or has come through blogging, it's so hard to explain. But I love it, I love it all so much and so I know that's the gentle and quiet part that matters most.

    I'll stop writing a book now. :)

    You are a knitting machine. ;)

  14. I've read this post a handful of times. I keep saving it as unread and going back to it thinking that I'll eventually be able to put to words what I want to say. But so far the words still aren't coming easily.

    I completely and totally understand this. I moved back to my hometown a few years ago and I have really struggled with this since then. When I left, I was 18. When I came back I was all grown up with children of my own. But to so many I'm still the same little 18 year old I was when I left. And so often I find myself wanting to shout "I am so much more than I was! I've grown! I've changed! But you won't let me share the new me with you because you're so wrapped up in who I was."

    I just want to be me and I want me to be accepted and appreciated for who I am. Why is that so much to ask for?

    (For someone who couldn't find the words, this is a pretty long comment. :-)

  15. Bridget, I am in love with your comment.


  16. I get this and I get Bridget's comment.

    Like I used to belong to this great group of women and they would razz on me because of my age and then when my photography picked up and I started writing online some of the women stopped talking to me altogether and I try to connect with the others but they tell me that busy and they don't want to bother me. Part of me thinks that they realized that I have been all over the country and back and have children older than theirs and they are doing well and they just needed an excuse to cut the cord so to speak. I think that me being younger is the biggest reason why I want to have more babies, my girls are nearly grown but if I have more maybe people will take me seriously. I mean I went from being a kid to being a mom & wife and it was scary but I have been doing this for over 16 years and I am finding who I am but no one ever believes that these girls are mine and they never say wow you are doing a good job, not that I need to hear that but maybe I do, they just go on and on about how young I am and how old they are.....

    and this comment is getting long and ranty but I wanted to say that I understand, I get it.

    Also I really need to write this post brewing in my head, it was triggered by something Bridget wrote and you have been hitting that nail on the head as well and this nail is drilling into my head and I feel like if I don't write what I need to write, even if I don't publish it, I am going to suffocate or something.

    You & B. always making me think.

  17. ooooh, i can't wait to see the bag after it's felted!!!

  18. I can feel that way sometimes, too. Does anyone take what I do (how I choose to live my life, raise my children, love my husband, use my creativity) seriously? Then I remember that's not what I should want them to see anyway. It's not about me, it's about Him. And, I want my life not to be a reflection of myself, but of the One who created me.

  19. Love the purple! It's such a regal color. Everytime you use the bag, you can feel like a queen :).

  20. I turned 31 this fall yet I still feel 18. I don't feel like an adult, much less responsible enough to be a mom to two kids!

    Will we ever feel like we are a grown-up?

  21. you know how when you cloth diaper, you tend to need a bigger diaper bag? bigger diapers, bigger bag? well, this is taking it a bit too far, steph. ;)

    can't wait to see it all felted up!! (or rather, down)

  22. Thanks for that fashion tip. I may try it for my littlest (turning two in 13 days!).

    Also - I totally know what you mean in your 2nd to last paragraph. For the record, I think you are smart, talented, influential, and a huge success.


  23. The felted bag I made shrunk SO MUCH that it was astonishing. Such a fun process.


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