On the last day of January

I did more today than I probably have in the entire month it was kind of like when I hear hubby's car pull in the drive and I frantically straighten up and try to make it look like I did something all day what? oh I have never done that.

But this month was kinda eh for me. It wasn't bad, it wasn't not good, it was just there and kinda dangling over me, like, I'm going to take some really slow first steps into this new year.

I don't know if the Listen To Your Mother shock has set in yet, you know, the whole I just leaped out of an airplane type of thing catches me daily because there is no turning back now. I had no idea how awesome it would feel to see the auditions rolling in. And I have that feeling in my soul bones of welcome home, this is what you've always wanted. And it's true. I have essay scrawls on notebook paper from fourth grade when I wanted to have my own theatre someday, producing my own shows, and I did go to college for that very thing but never finished. And never thought I would.

Finally a ball is rolling, somewhere that relates to my little universe. I've been on pause so long I thought that was a normal pace.

So anyway today I prepared a meal for a friend and a double batch of minestrone for us and used up every pot and casserole dish and utensil in my kitchen so then I washed it all (by hand, still) and even put it away. And of course then decided it was a good time to make chocolate chip cookies. But in the middle of scooping out all the ingredients I realized I didn't have brown sugar and so I just put everything in a baggie and will try to finish tomorrow. Note to self: don't get the kids excited about cookies unless you're really going to make them. But look at these yummy oranges! Mmmm!

They are saying we are supposed to get a really big snowstorm our way, so everyone's on edge about that. We are stocked up here and I even cleared out the garage so I could park my car in there (I've put that off since summer ended.) So seriously. I get an A. Or truly just bring that F for my poor effort in the past six months up to a C-?

I'm going to just put this in here nonchalantly so skimmers will miss out! but I sometimes have to ask myself if I love my kids enough to give up blogging. Of course I love them enough to do so. But I need the reminder. And I am not saying I even have to make such a choice right now but I'm really praying that I can soon-ly no longer renew anymore ads and then let my words slow to a trickle and softly make my exit or whatever happens when you move on from blogging. I mean, that's just crazy talk for right now. But I want to get more balls rolling on the outside of this inside life. (And I'd be lying if reading this post didn't make me look over my shoulder and try to shrug away confirmation of some things I've been sweeping under the rug.)

Oh! I also even knit something for a friend this morning and then trekked to the post office with Ivy in her rubber boots and mailed it.

I've still got a whole night ahead of me that probably involves writing for work and folding laundry while I watch a movie. Then more knitting. That probably sounds so incredibly boring but I am sitting here feeling so grateful that I actually enjoy the things I do to serve my family and friends. And I still get to have dreams that could actually still turn into something. And I can screw up a lot of my days but make up for it now and again in one really good day. Yay. The end.