November 3, 2010

Rockstar Juice

shine on you crazy
this is what I chose to have my bracelet say, from The Vintage Pearl


I had to come to the library to type this post. It's quiet, that's good. It's just me in this room and two coat racks. Someone left their black hoodie, and the other hangs a navy ball cap.
Who says ball cap? I sound like geriatric.

I hope they come back for them. They look lonely here in the reference section. I want to write about them and what they do when the library closes and the lights are off.

Today Gray begged for pineapple-orange-banana juice at Target, and he asked for it just like that, as if he read it off the carton. I didn't think the pictures on the front were that obvious and maybe he can read now? I've noticed him reading some other things. He just turned five. It's possible.


I poured him a glass when we got home and he told me he loved me, and thank you for buying my Rockstar Juice.


I have been struggling to find The Words... the right words, the ones that don't make me look like a fool. I can find plenty of other words about other things,

sometimes they are just clues my fingers plunk out that my heart hopes my brain just
gets.

But I have been wanting to incorporate this huge hurricane that has been going on in my life that I have not been writing about. Basically because I feel like I will sound like I don't know what I'm talking about. SO, as usual, I am just going to write how I feel.

there


I believe Noah's healing from epilepsy is a miracle. Like, I believe he is a living story to show God's glory. I promise I didn't mean to make that rhyme.


I want to include that a lot when I write about him like I did the other day, or when people write to me asking for help or advice when their child is suffering seizures. It doesn't make sense to me to just say God healed him. I feel I need to give them some more details, like all the things we did in the natural to get him well, like the types of doctors we saw and the diet he was put on.

Because truly, even those things were designed by God. He invented life and an amazing body that can be healed by other things he created, He opened doors every single step of the way, even when we were too weak to ask it of him in prayer. We prayed, but most often it was God help us, we don't know what to do. God, heal Noah. Lord, forgive us for being such big screw ups.

But we'd go to pray and shut our eyes and go to sleep.


Maybe that was Him giving us rest.


re:stacks



But I also don't know how to say all this + everything else in my heart without making it sound like God did that to Noah on purpose. Or how to write about my life and leave God out but I'm not really leaving Him out. I'm just telling you about my day and, like, He's just a given? I feel like everything I say is the wrong thing.

So, I shut up. And I think He does a better job explaining it by my son being healed and walking and talking and doing all sorts of things doctors said he probably wouldn't do. I let him be the miracle and I sit back and am thankful. But the truth is that there is a whole lot going on inside of me right now, not just leftover faith from years ago. And I am a writer but I can not write it. Always fumbling over my not-the-right words.


Why is it so awkward being real?

But I don't know how to say these things without sounding like a fakity faking it. I don't say Praise God every other sentence, it's just not me and I don't know if that's what
God would want me to sound like, or if that's what people at church want me to sound like.

mountain

But my heart and my breath, it loves Him and praises Him. And I want to be more of a light than I am right now. I feel like I am here if people find me but I am not intentionally shining-out like I should be.

So, I am working on that.

I am still not good at reading my Bible. And in the car I was driving and thinking about all the bloggers I admire and never want to miss a post so I subscribe to their feed in my Google Reader or via email. And I thought what if God had a blog? I would totally subscribe. So what the heck.

Why can I not open up his Word and read even a page?

I am working on this.

I also am tempted to ask outloud- does such a thing exist? Has someone on the Internet given the Bible an RSS feed and how do I find it? Like, something each day about the size of an average blog post? Anyone?

I hunger for His Word and His hand and I act like I don't know where to find it. I am so lazy I am so disabled that even though it's right there for me, I need it an easier way.


I found a church my family loves and suddenly feel un-accepted, like I don't fit in. It's something that has been bothering me a lot lately. This roaring insecurity that I never remember being inside me before. Where did it come from? I feel more than ever that I am not enough and have nothing to give. You know what? I am not enough.

I am broken, I am not good, I am faulty. Jesus is the only perfect one. The more I hook my coat on that, the more I realize I am not supposed to always fit in, look at this skin. There will be discomfort. Even in my knobby-ness and hurt feelings, as much as I try, I am at church for more than meeting my own needs.

Hey oh! It's not all about me. I am working on this.

[And each week that I keep going and serving and trying to love and be loved I have been given confirmation that I am being taught and worshiping where I am supposed to.]


Because I am a human, and I feel like The Most horrible example of telling others about Jesus, there is a link I want to share with you. It's called The Story and well, that's pretty much it.


(If you click on 'read the story' and then click on the little open book symbol it will be larger to read)

I believe in that story and think that I, a storyteller myself, can not continue sharing my life and my journey as a person with four children

trying to crawl out of the wrong shell I've mistakenly made my home... thought it was the right shell found I was wrong,

and how I can not try to be who I was created to be, without telling you what I truly believe and know to be true. And this story is the basis of all my stories. It's where I've been and

it's why I'm here and

it's where I am going

and

I don't even know how to end this

this whatever this is.

I don't even know. If I could only spill out my heart so you could turn it over and examine, if somehow my words grew stems and became a song and it all made sense. If you could read my shadows' palms maybe you'd understand. If only you'd bear with me - If only I'd bear with me - what have I been doing all my life? I've said and done all the "right things" and I still mess it up,

and I am so confused by my selfishness, and why He'd still love me and do the great things

but He does anyway.

61 comments:

  1. He does.

    I love you too, just so you know...you are a beautiful person Steph...even if a big knobbley mess.

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  2. I don't know if this is what you're looking for but I found this:

    http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/share/rss2.0/

    I struggled with my faith long and hard growing up and pretty much left most of it (the fundamentalized, organized, institutionalized parts of it) behind in college.

    I'm more at peace with my faith as I see it and how it works in my life with my family now.

    I hope you find your peace in your faith and it surrounds your heart with goodness and light.

    Because you are, to me, goodness and light.

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  3. I'm at work so I can't comment long, but I know how hard it is to sit and wonder how words like these are received, so I am just popping up to say I'm reading and listening and I hear you and am grateful for your realness and honesty and for trying to do right by your heart.

    And regarding your if God had a blog I'd read it realization, I had a similar smack-me-upside-the-head moment of 'why aren't I making it happen when it *can* happen?' and I will share it with you here so you know you are not alone in these struggles (although our struggles may not be the same, we all have them).
    http://www.clarity-chaos.com/2010/02/gathering.html

    Love you, friend.

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  4. Oh dear sweet Stephanie. I love you. And so do He. And all of us. I am irreparably screwed up, and He thinks I am beatiful because it's what he does. And He thinks you're beautiful, too. :o)

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  5. So much of you just spilled out here and it's painfully beautiful. But mostly, beautiful.

    So much was said, I don't know where to begin. And I feel like whatever I would say wouldn't be enough. Like, I'd leave out something, or focus on something else too much.

    Just know that I feel you're a beautiful example of His love, compassion and mercy. Sometimes I feel the best examples of Jesus are the ones that aren't standing on the corner with a bull horn proclaiming their faith, but rather the people who actually represent Him in their living... their every day life.

    I see Jesus in you.

    I see Jesus in Noah's healing.

    (and, yes, God can use natural means to help bring about healing too. and thank you for including in this post that you know God didn't give Noah the disease.)

    Though I do read my Bible, I think it would be awesome if God had a blog! It would be the most amazing blog ever created, complete with spirit stirring pictures of heaven and love and grace and healing and compassion.

    Oh my, how God loves you Stephanie. And God sees your heart. He doesn't care about you writing, or proclaiming your faith is that is out of your comfort zone. He sees your heart. He knows you love Him, adore Him, need Him, are thankful for Him.

    In the quiet moments in your home, when it's just you and your thoughts and your quiet praise to Him, He hears it... feels it. He knows it. In fact, He only cares about the love and praise of His children, if it comes from a pure true place of the heart. Not a place of show for the sake of what others will think about you.

    This is amazing. This raw, authentic glimpse into the heart of you.

    There's such beauty in the uncomfortable moments and truths of our lives.

    Such love,

    Nell

    (I feel uncomfortable at church too. I feel most like I belong when it's just me and Him, alone.)

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  6. I found that a beautiful testament to faith and belief, and I'm not even of the same religion.

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  7. love this post. totally get what you're trying to say, or at least my interpretation of it.

    i especially love that it's titled rock start juice and ends up being about something really different (or not?).

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  8. What Neil said.

    I think humility is holier than just about anything. Humility and compassion--both of which you seem to have in spades.

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  9. He does love you.

    I am often amazed He loves me! I, too, have a hard time opening my Bible. I think about a story I heard that in another country, (I cannot remember which now) how they don't just have bibles like we do, they can't just go to the local book store and buy one. But, sometimes, they are able to get pieces and parts of different books of the Bible and they just devour it....I SO want to have that desire too. To have that longing and to act upon that longing. I think growing up in America, no matter how much we may be aware of things like this, that we simply don't know what it's like to be deprived of such a thing. I think that makes it harder...I don't know.

    What I do know? He loves us despite our messes. And thank you for just being real. We all have our struggles, but your honestly and realness is beautiful.

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  10. Oh, I know about the discomfort at church thing. And the "Why do I feel uncomfortable here?" thing. Because sometimes I can put my finger on it, and sometimes I can't. This past Sunday our pastor referenced a worship song we'd just finished singing, a specific part where it talked about being just you and God alone in this place. The thought of it -just me and Him alone in the sanctuary- took my breath away with comfort. Whether I'm comfortable or not, He and I are in it together.

    As for this? "And I want to be more of a light than I am right now." That's the kind of prayer God doesn't say no to, Stephanie. I think you're already on your way there with a post like this.

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  11. Oh Steph, I love your honesty and your heart. It took me a long time before I was comfortable sharing, "really" sharing my faith on my blog, because I am so insecure sometimes about saying it right and having the right words. I come from a family who doesn't know the truth and I've always worried about what they might think when they read the truth I'm sharing. But, I've learned that I HAVE to share...I really have no choice, because the truth and the grace He has given me needs to be heard throughout the world. He's given me something so precious - how can I not share? But, I have to remember when I do share, that it is because of Him I have the words, all the glory belongs to Him. Also, I've been learning through studying the book of Galatians that I need to please God, not man. Thank you so much for sharing your heart today - I love how real you are and love that you are opening up about who you are in Him. He will bless you for it - and He will give you the words to share more as He desires.

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  12. I know I am just someone who stumbled upon your blog, but I really feel like we are kindred spirits. I feel the same way, with not really saying things about Christ and praising Him and worrying about whether to do it more or not.

    I really appreciate your honesty and openness.

    The only comfort I can offer is that we all feel the same way, or atleast I do. All messed up, not reading our scriptures enough, not being the best mother that our hearts want us to be. SOmetimes I feel like God must really tire of me, but then I remember I am His daughter, and would I ever tire of my own daughter? Never. Mistakes are enivtable when it comes to growth, unfortunately, but that doesn't make it any easier.

    Keep up the writing, I always enjoy your posts.

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  13. Love this post so much.

    I too struggle with everything you wrote about. Selfishness, reading my Bible, insecurities. And I wonder how am I supposed to raise these kids when I'm not all grown up?

    Love your heart, thanks for sharing it.

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  14. this is my random taught your post brought to me!

    God love hearing you 1 peter 5:6-7

    "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." he wants to have communion with you all the time and want you to pour you heart out to him all the time

    1 Thessalonians 5:17 "pray continually;"

    Indeed God is a powerful healer
    :-) kings of kins and Lord of Lord. Praise him for all He as done.

    Reminds me of the hymn

    "To God be the glory, great things He has done;
    So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
    Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
    And opened the life gate that all may go in.

    Refrain

    Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
    Let the earth hear His voice!
    Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
    Let the people rejoice!
    O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
    And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

    O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
    To every believer the promise of God;
    The vilest offender who truly believes,
    That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

    Refrain

    Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
    And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
    But purer, and higher, and greater will be
    Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

    Refrain"


    leaving you with this
    2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New International Version © 2010)

    Praise to the God of All Comfort
    3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

    Love
    Renee

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  15. That would be awesome if God had a blog. To me it would seem like he is speaking to the now. I know the Bible can speak to the now too, but it'd sure be nice to hear from him now.

    You might want to try this site:
    http://www.biblegateway.com/

    And I believe your Noah is a miracle.

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  16. Oh yes, what Ann Imig said!

    "I think humility is holier than just about anything. Humility and compassion--both of which you seem to have in spades."

    Nell

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  17. We love you and are so glad that you are part of the same church as us.

    I use the Logos bible app on my phone and they have a read the bible in a year part and I read it while nursing, normally right before he goes to sleep.

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  18. A few of those statements connected straight to my heart. Because a few of those statements? Are just where I am in my walk. I share some of the same struggles.

    God's healing on Noah? Amazing and beautiful. You? Amazing and beautiful and so loved by your Maker. Your openness and honesty is so refreshing.

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  19. this is real. so very real. and i love it. because, i totally get it, i'm right there with you. i want Jesus to be reflected through me, but i fail at it. i feel like such a failure at it. but, like you said, He cares and loves. and that is all we are asked to do. and i think you are doing a beautiful job at it.

    thanks for your honesty here.

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  20. Oh Steph, my heart just sighed this big, relieved sigh like, "yes, me too, we should hug". You are obviously not alone here, but I have to say I so deeply identify with the deep movings & stirrings in your day to day & the fear of naming it out loud. Will it stop if I say what I think? Will I sound crazy if my voice says what my heart knows? And somehow just acknowledging the truth in the movement is likely the whole point & the name doesn't matter but wow, it's just SO BIG how can I refuse to speak? And now I make no sense but perhaps your heart will sigh too.

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  21. I wish I knew the right thing to say. It seems like everyone here does. The only thing I keep thinking is....Why is she so hard on herself? Because I don't think He would want her to be.

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  22. Steph... this was so beautiful. I'm not even slightly exaggerating when I say I've got tears spilling down. on the keyboard.
    I'm struggling with faith and writing and all that.. and hiding in knitting (seriously, I just came up for a breath and clicked on your feed, and am so glad I did...) I have a devotional I'm working through (I can't remember the name, and it's in the bedroom where Paige is sleeping...) but it's something about grounded faith, or ground faith? It's a pun on coffee and faith and being grounded in it... anyway. It's helping, because otherwise I open the Bible and have NO IDEA what I should be reading. At least the devotional helps to guide a bit.
    Sending some love to you today. Thank you for opening up...

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  23. How does one know grace, by first knowing ungraceful.
    How does one reach out to others, by being true to themselves.
    I come and read because your joy is beautiful.
    Thank you for shining.

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  24. Thank you for your authenticity and transparency. No one has it all together (even if they look like it). It's something most have difficulty admitting. Letting those moments of doubt or questioning leak out. But it's so real. Thanks for blogging!

    I have a bible app on my phone that has the bible broken up into bite size chunks for daily reading. It's good for a few verses but you don't get to flip around, highlight, and smell those years of quiet times. So its not quite the same.

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  25. This is the beauty of our Jesus. We do stink, we are not good people, but by HIS GRACE we have been saved. He has given us the biggest gift we could ever receive, and yet we do not deserve it.

    You're right...it's not about us it is about HIM. Hugs to you.

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  26. *this* is why I love your blog. your babywearing is great and all, but *this* sharing of your soul is what i hunger for in relationships and in my community.
    it is hard to know why God allows things like epilepsy and hydrocephalus and premature birth and stillbirth and other difficult and sad things. And yet, he IS glorified and praised through those difficult things. So i don't know. But i think you're right. sometimes we have to just say that God healed our children, and let that be enough. for some reason, he saw fit and wrote those difficulties into our families' lives and then healed them after a time. and what has come of it is a beautiful way to minister to others, to praise and give glory to God, and so many things that we possibly won't know until we are in heaven.
    i so hope to meet you and your family someday! your kids sound like such cool little people! if you ever come to indy, we'd have space for you! :)

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  27. He is so amazing. And I truly believe he has healed your son too!

    I think I just now got struck in the head with some inspiration.

    I've been trying to find motivation to keep up with my Bible reading. There is so much going on all the time that it's difficult for me to get there. So my friend and I are looking at doing what you mentioned - a God blog. No agenda or denomination. Straight from the Word with inspiration and love. Acceptance. That which He teaches us.

    I am very excited now.

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  28. you know when you read something that you're really supposed to read? and it kind of stabs you in the heart? and then you need to just go and ponder it?

    yeah. that. thanks. (really, i really mean that.)

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  29. i love you. i'm thankful for you.

    i have a bible app that kinda does this. it is not the same to me though as when time is carved out consistantly, silky pages in hand with my pen & heart ready.

    also, the message bible reads like a blog to me. i like that sometimes.

    your heart is beautiful.

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  30. I love this. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I relate on so many levels. Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  31. Great post. I've often found myself feeling unworthy, insecure and lost in my ability to talk and praise Him. You are not alone. You are SO not alone.

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  32. The Message Bible is a great one and kind of "blog" like writing, make sense?

    On another note, I totally get this. I totally relate.

    Sometimes I feel things and I want to share them but then I feel like I either sound like a fake or a quack. And faith is tricky to communicate. Trying to demonstrate more in the way I'm living. Make sense?

    Thanks for sharing your heart, steph!

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  33. Love your honesty. This is a wonderful post that resounds with so many. Thanks for putting it to words, even if you can't quite define it all.

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  34. Oh Steph. When I read your words, all I can think is that you ARE exactly what, where, how you are supposed to be. Just because you're not quoting scripture in your posts doesn't mean you're not doing exactly what He intended for you. You ARE a light, but maybe in your eyes, you're not the light you think you should be. But how often are we thinking we're doing what we should be? And usually? When we're thinking that, we're on the right path anyway. I'm sorry you're feeling so conflicted. I feel like I've been begging Him to come closer to me, trying to read my Bible at night, praying more, and I feel like I'm failing, constantly. Failing at just being. Praying I'm not, but feeling like I'm stuck in the mud and seeking for a branch that's already broken and has no capacity to pull me out.

    Keep going, writing, being. YOU are perfect in His eyes. And in the eyes of so many others, you are an example of love and compassion and sacrifice...the things He wants us to BE anyway.

    I know I don't "know" you, that we've never met in "real life", but I really and truly care for you, and I heart you in a BIG way. Thank you for this.

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  35. Oh but God uses the least of us to reach people, doesn't he? He doesn't require us to clean up first before stepping out there. The lower we are, the lower we go, He uses that. More glory for Him, you know?

    I think that you're approaching that surrender God requires when He's really using you. Surrendering what people think, surrendering your comfort, surrendering your blog even. It's scary. It's humbling. He didn't ask it before, so why now? It's because of that molding going on. You know it's happening in you.

    Practically speaking, you pray over each post as you write it and He will craft it for you. And you're relieved of the results. You get to sit and watch Him work.

    You are braver than you realize. <3

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  36. *hearting* ToThink's comment. Oh yes, yes I am.

    I, too, have seen you changing and molding and moving ... and I love what I see.

    Nell

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  37. THIS is why God is a God of grace. Steph, I relate SO WELL to everything you have said here. My faith is so strong, and yet I rarely mention it on my blog. It feels so... awkward, which makes me feel guilty. Because I believe it so passionately. But I don't know how to talk about it without sounding "fakety fake." :-)

    I love you, and I love that you wrote this, and thank you for sharing your heart. May God be glorified. And I feel "fakety fake fake" and churchy even saying that, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. He IS glorified when you give him credit for the good things he has done.

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  38. i love.

    this morning i went to clark's preschool teacher conference thing and took my mother-in-law's car. christian radio was on when i started it up and some guy was giving a message about this, about just exactly this.

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  39. www.gotquestions.org

    You are gonna love that site!

    Hugs!

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  40. beautiful! Thank you for writing this!

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  41. I know this struggle...it's also my own. It's bizarre how close this post comes to my own thoughts and feelings and inner conflicts.

    Thank you.

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  42. All I can say is that you don't have to look far for the answer{s}: it's right inside you. I hope you find peace with whatever is going on soon. Hugs!

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  43. I wish we lived closer to one another so we could meet up for coffee one night and discuss this very thing. It shouldn't be such a struggle, I mean, I feel so guilty feeling frustrated because I know there are so many who are in worse situations.. but that's what guilt does - always makes mountains out of molehills. when really, I need to have the faith to ask God to move these mountains from here to there... so while I ponder these things, I struggle right along with you.

    I am doing a study of the book of Revelation right now, which at first was completely fearful. But now I know it's a book of hope and anticipation - that I might not have all the answers here on earth OR when I get to Heaven, but I will sure love getting to worship Jesus when I get there.

    Also through this study, I'm learning (like you!) that I could never be enough.. but do I really trust that GOD -with more titles and attributes than I could even count- is enough for me? Of course, I want to say with my brain that he is MORE than enough.. but does my heart believe that?

    Prayers and hugs. :)

    PS - your story about Noah the other day moved me to tears.

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  44. This is my first time leaving a comment. I just wanted to say to be real. Say it like it is. You are striving to do it so carefully and I respect you for that. Keep on keeping on.

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  45. Here's a daily, quick Bible reading from "Our Daily Bread."
    http://odb.org/

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  46. I take great comfort in the fact the the great heroes of faith, the many saints, struggled their lives through to obey and love God as they should. So many failed in catastrophic ways, and still are held up as examples for us.

    I've been thinking and thinking about your post @ your grandparents. I know you were just thinking aloud, but keep on loving them the best way you can. It would not be strange to move in with them (of course, the husband must agree!), it would be wonderful and hard and good. Friends of ours moved in with his Grandma in her last years of life and took care of her in her own home until she died. They were newlyweds, without the added work of children, but it was still difficult. Looking back, they wouldn't change a thing.

    Peace and blessings on you.

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  47. I get this, and it means A LOT that you share the steps, and I think it is an important piece of the journey. I love the last part--isn't His grace amazing? Was talking to my husband--we are wanting to do something "big," but can't determine what that is right now. My husband said, isn't it great that we DON'T have to do anything--his grace covers us. (Don't get me wrong, we still WILL--but it is amazing that He doesn't expect us to EARN our way--as that would be impossible) but...that was my understanding of how it was for so long, thought I had to be "good" enough. Sorry to go on and on, but you struck a chord with me today.

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  48. I would totally subscribe the God's blog, too!

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  49. I think what I'm learning on this faith journey is that following Jesus is the only path to real joy. Also that the joy we find is truly internal and eternal. I, too, don't always feel like I "fit in" but I know that I'm never alone and God loves me no matter where I'm at and what I'm doing. Your post reminds me of the new Amy Grant song "Better than a Hallelujah?" It's awesome and it goes along with what you're saying. Check it out!

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  50. When you just "write what you feel" it is a gift. I wish I were more of a storyteller, but mostly I'm just a list maker. However, here is my effort to put together some of what has been in my heart since I read your post.

    Kevin and I were just talking last weekend about how our most recent family ...adventure? ...crisis? ...miracle... has really"messed us up"(his words, but so right on). It's not a bad thing. It has changed the way we look at and react to everything. Like you mentioned the hurricane, we too find that we don't know where to start picking up the pieces left in the windy wake of wonder- in fact we don't know exactly which pieces to pick up and which to leave behind.

    I find myself praying desperately for my heart to be healed, just as we believe our baby's body is being healing. Yet, I also want it(my heart) to stay broken. willing. soft. ready to share the glory of all that He has done and continues to do in our lives(without sounding fakity fake). I want to remember how these winds blow and not let the air around me get stale again.

    I too look for the right words to share, but have to think that it's going to take much more than my words to point others to Him. I want to give the perfect offering of time and love for others, albeit my flawed human efforts, in an attempt to repay the great blessings and ultimate gift He has willingly given.

    We've been changed to bring change.

    Here I see your vulnerable words as a beautiful start.
    With love,
    Katie

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  51. Maybe one of the most honest and beautiful things you've ever written - and that's saying something. Thank you.

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  52. Steph -

    I feel profound powerful deep emotions and yet.. my fingers cannot convey them.

    I cannot bring them to light.

    Know this.
    You touch me. You inspire me.
    I love this.
    I adore you.

    Thank you for putting words to the feelings

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  53. I cried when I read this Steph. It's so everything and more relating to me. I've started pushing Him out of my life...

    and now...

    I don't like it so much.

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  54. I have to ask: is your bracelet a reference to The Killers' "Read My Mind?" I LOVE that song!

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  55. Your faith is strong and I believe He can heal all, do all. And yes, kinda hard to explain though, to put into the correct words, but I think it's totally worth stumbling over our own words in an attempt to share His blessings and mercy with others. You've said so many things I've wanted to say for so long. I hope this link helps you, as it has helped me: http://www.emanna.com
    You can sign up to receive the newsletter, which is in the form of two Bible verses and some words of ministry are emailed to me daily. It is so wonderful to begin my day reading His word. I am nowhere near as church-going as I may sound, it's almost as if my faith in Him is writing this comment, hoping you will begin to truly enjoy reading His word daily. Even if for just a few minutes. You will feel and know the difference in your day. :)

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  56. Hi! :) Stumbled across your blog from a link from another blog I read. Your honesty is refreshing and I hope you've found answers to many of the questions you were asking in this post a little over a year ago. Is there an update on this post? I'd love to read it. I saw you've already received several great suggestions for reading the Word blog/internet style, but I thought I'd contribute a few more. The first is one of my favorite daily devotionals and is by Elisabeth Elliot: http://www.elisabethelliot.org/devotional.html

    The second is one of my favorite Bible study tools (click their resources tab for study guides etc). J. Vernon has an amazing way of taking complex content and stating it plainly and simply. It is very in depth though so I usually use his commentary for my summer study when I have more time: http://www.thruthebible.org

    Last and least here's a link to my blog where I post a few scriptures (sometimes also a devotional link) once or twice a month: http://www.skillfullywrought.com

    Grace & peace to you,
    Rachel

    ReplyDelete

Your comment is gonna totally make my day!

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