September 24, 2010

EXTREME CLOSEUP!

mercy

I'm desperate for people, for the whole world, to extend mercy on each other before judgment, but I find I can't even afford it for my ownself.


I have four kids. I repeat: I have four kids. I am still breastfeeding. A lot. Kids have homework. I keep track of where they are. I cook all our meals. I have no dishwasher. My husband works late more often than not. I'm still figuring out who I am and who I want to be while at the same time raising four other human beings. (Um, that's wild.) I'm tired. Really tired.


Do I want your sympathy? No. But maybe I do want it from myself.



51 comments:

  1. Yes. Cut yourself some slack. Be as kind with yourself as you would be with a friend. I'd write more because I feel this and you - but you know the whole three kid thing/getting ready for work is pulling.

    big hug, steph.

    xo e.

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  2. I know just how you feel, minus the dishwashing. But our dishewasher is one of those mini ones so it only does half the dishes!

    And isn't it weird that I find myself wanting to say "You're amazing, Steph" yet somehow I can't seem to say that to myself?

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  3. AMEN!!!
    I have been having a rough couple of weeks. I just feel so heavy hearted. I can't explain why. Everything just seems so difficult lately. I'm tired too.

    Great post!

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  4. You know what verse comes right before James 2:13, "Mercy triumphs over judgement?" 2:12, "So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty."

    Praying you live in the freedom of the liberty Jesus has given you. He is offering us freedom and mercy even on the days we will not offer it to ourselves. Accept it.

    And also, praying sweet rest today. 'Cause exhaustion makes everything feel worse.

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  5. Too much perfection. We have to be perfect, perfect mamas, and less-than is not enough. I struggle with words like "failure" every single day.

    "How was your day, honey?"

    "Oh, I only got one load of laundry folded and made fish sticks for lunch, it was a failure."

    How about, "I woke up with the birds after not-enough sleep, nourished my children, stimulated them intellectually, met their needs for cuddling and love, and somehow, in the midst of all of that, ALSO got the time to fold a load of laundry and eat something! I'm amazing!"

    All that to say, I think I know where you're coming from.

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  6. Four kids, no dishwasher. Hm. I'm trying to figure out how that one works. I've got two kids and a dishwasher and dirty dishes are EVERYwhere!

    I don't know you in person but from what I've seen on your blog, it looks like you are giving your kids an amazing, love-filled childhood. I look at your blog for inspiration and think more people should follow your example.

    I definitely think it helps to realize that what we are doing is really hard. The other day my mom and dad kept my one-year-old while I took my older daughter to dance class and then shopping for a leotard. My mom later said there was nothing like spending 3-4 hours with the little one to give her a lot more respect for me. She actually said she was "hell on wheels," which maybe wasn't a very nice thing to say about her granddaughter, but it made me smile. I am not perfect but I am doing pretty darn good, considering! Hopefully my kids (and husband, and well, myself) will remember the good things, and what I tried to do, and forgive most of my mistakes and shortcomings.

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  7. 1) Mega points for the Wayne's World reference in your title.

    2) I don't know how you feel, because I don't have kids, but I do know how it feels to have so much going on around you and that you are supposed to 'control' that you feel like you can't breathe. And for that, I offer not sympathy but camaraderie. And also respect. A lot of it.

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  8. {{{hugs}}} friend!

    The boys said Ivy looks like the girls. :)

    britt

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  9. love you.
    yes, i have so much grace for others. i run out for myself. except, there is not a limit on grace. we just have to accept it.

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  10. You're a badass mom, a loving friend, a nurturing soul and an inspirational woman.

    Now go say that in the mirror about three times.

    <3

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  11. Its crazy that that's one of the hardest things, isn't it? My cousin has been filling in for our regular sitter and she called me yesterday ("off duty") to express just how amazed she is that we can do all that we do. And she's right - the life we lead is unbelievably tiring and nearly impossible to keep up with, yet we do it day in and day out because its all we know. Its never perfect - most days not even close - but I love my kids and my family and can't imagine anything different.

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  12. We mommy's are harsh critics, especially for ourselves! I'll pray that you are able to give yourself some grace today, and that you get some extra rest. Thanks for your honesty-I so often find my feelings reflected in your posts.

    Tara

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  13. My goodness, you're amazing.... AND you're a writer. ;) You ALWAYS inspire me. As do the other wonderful women who read and comment here. There's such wisdom, love, emotion, realness here. Love it... XOXO

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  14. Do you need permission to extend yourself grace? Because if so, I give you permission.

    (Why do we do this to ourselves?)

    Love Mrs. Sara's comment, by the way.

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  15. Give it!!! I pray that you give it to yourself.

    And I would come be your "dishwasher" if I could!! As much as I hate washing dishes... ;)

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  16. Right there with you, dishwasher broke, washing machine work some of the time dryer is making that weird noise and I've notice that when we flush not we are running low on water, 2 toddlers under 3 and a little baby (4 moths ) the nurse all the time, and a hubby that work from 8 am to midnight 6 days a week, I hear you and am tired too !!!

    hoping that I be my normal self soon, not the overly tired and grumpy mama that creeps out more often then I want her too!

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  18. Deep breaths. Boy do i know how you feel...I mean really. I'm sorry it feels this way, and I hope that you will have higher spirits soon.

    Love ya girl. :-)

    xoxoxox

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  19. OH yes. This post was SPOT ON. It's so easy for me to forgive others. To believe in others. To trust others and to bless others. Why is it so difficult to do so in myself?

    I pray that God gives both of us the strength we need to get to that point.

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  20. I feel the same way! I have had one of those weeks where two kids and one husband that works long hours and is getting his MBA combined with cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner, and serving at Church and trying to keep up with laundry and dishes just feels like SO much. I have a dishwasher and hardly ever use it, but maybe I will tonight.

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  21. i got just 1 kid and another still on its way and feel way to tired to my liking and sometimes I beat myself up about a lot of things but hell we do our best and for God that is enough! so dont worry just live it day by day :) hugs

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  22. I think you are doing an awesome job! Superwoman and supermom :) Hang in there - the weekend is almost here! :)

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  23. Having 4 kids of my own, you have my sympathy and permission to give yourself some, too. Hang in there, momma.

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  24. I am not a mom, so I don't know the half of it (I really don't know anything!) but I do know that you do a lot. And you do an amazing job at it. This is my thank you to all of you momma's: http://thisheartsdesire.blogspot.com/2010/08/moms.html

    You are such an encouragement. And I hope (that one day,if I'm blessed with the opportunity) I'll do half as well as you.

    (Thanks for the comment on my blog, by the way. Yes, I was super excited!) :)

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  25. Hi! I found your blog featured through http://www.ourordinarylife.com/2010/09/10-mom-blogs-i-cant-live-without

    Love your blog!

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  26. Sometimes I wonder if I cut myself too much slack...sigh...

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  27. I understand this, I think as caretakers we don't get a lot of feedback from others about doing well. I just went from working full time to staying home full time (by choice) and I have been astonished by how little respect this difficult job is given. And yes, I'm hardest on myself because at the end of the day I remember the things I didn't do or didn't do well rather than the ones where I succeeded.

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  28. Oh yes. I identify with this 100%.

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  29. yes. and more yes. your post describes me to a T.

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  30. sigh. you need a dishwasher for sure. when we moved and got one, I was so excited, and everyone told me not to get over excited, because it's not like it would revolutionize my life. whatever. it totally did. 4 years later, and I still stop to appreciate that dishwasher as often as I can remember to.
    also...the working late. that stinks. I think some women are much better at dealing with that than I am. I try to be understanding, but I am so bad at it. Hang in there.

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  31. Love the photo. Totally understand the sentiment (and I only have ONE kid -- but I am a single mom, so that counts for some exhaustion right?). Give yourself permission to BREATHE mama. You won't be tired forever. I promise. XOXO

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  32. I really want to post the most empathetic and supportive comment ever, but something tells me that YOU might need to keep talking...

    Keep talking.

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  33. This post totally resonated me with today and I think we as women need to be easier and more merciful to ourselves. We always want to do everything (nursing, while cooking a homemade dinner, while doing homework, while disciplining our children, being a good wife having an amazing house, looking amazing all at the same time)...we want to do it all and there is nothing left over. I think we feel guilty too we have it sooo good compared to most women in the world but we are still tired and stretched thin. I don't know, thinking out loud, I'm right there with you...

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  34. I'm right there with ya, Steph. Mrs. Sara's comment was spot-on, we need to pat ourselves on the back for what we do accomplish in a day, not beat ourselves up for what we didn't accomplish. And I know that some days, that's easier said than done :) Give yourself some sympathy from me, and here's a big virtual hug, too.

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  35. As a mother of 4 I can understand how you feel. Just remember that your children love you and you are doing one amazing job.

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  36. I feel it too.. maybe only a 1/4 though. You're such an amazing mama to those four fabulous people!

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  37. sounds like you're feeling a little overwhelmed.

    me too.

    (sorry about the (lack of) dishwasher. ugh.)

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  38. I find it much easier to cut other people some slack than I do to cut myself some slack. But you know? I'm the one who really needs it from myself. After all, I'm the one who has to live with myself ALL THE TIME.

    To being gentle with ourselves.

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  39. Wow, love this. Love, love your first line. Amen. Amen. Amen.
    Love your honesty and openness. Yes, raising four little people before I even know who I really am. Wild, yes. Fun, yes. Exhausting, certainly.
    One day at a time.... ah, who am I kidding? Sometimes it's a minute-by-minute kind-of day.

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  40. You have something better than sympathy from me (and apparently other readers):

    Understanding.

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  41. Amen, sister. I have no clue how you do it all, and do it all so darn well. You are my complete and utter "mom inspiration". You definitely need to have more mercy on yourself, because you are doing amazing things for your children. You are giving them the best start in life imaginable, and you are inspiring others as you go along. Please give yourself a break, you need it and deserve it. And I am SOOOO buying you a dishwasher.

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  43. I am soooo there with you! Five boys, nursling to teen, husband working OT, NO automatic dishwasher here either (older boys should be doing it but...), homeschooling, mountains of laundry, and the list goes on and on. I'm the first to give good advice to other moms but have a very hard time giving myself a break. 'Tis a mom's life, I suppose. I keep on praying for grace and mercy and LOTS of patience. :)

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  44. Steph,

    I don't know if I have ever commented here but I have been following your blog and as always, your raw honesty strips me naked. Your words resonate deep and helps me realize that I too, feel this way. To show mercy, first to me, is something I am learning and growing In. Why is it so hard? There must be a conspiracy of some sort against it. Because no matter how much other people think we are amazing and more than enough, it doesn't matter if we think otherwise.

    Oh to be human.

    Oh, and your darling girl is just too adorable!

    Love and Light,
    Vina @ anourishinghome.com

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  45. You wrote: "I'm still figuring out who I am and who I want to be while at the same time raising four other human beings."

    You couldn't have stated the sentiment more perfectly!

    I can definitely relate to those feelings...of inadequacy, of exhaustion, and of striving.

    Thank you.

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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