Bedtime is exhausting here, and I finally get them all to sleep and then my mind races about what they think about before they drift off, and I wonder, did my words and actions blanket them softly, or scratchy?
I clean up half-heartedly, but I don't even really give that much. I haven't the energy to be more than a blob. I give myself quiet time, but then I feel guilty, and wasted. I'm tired but too selfish to sleep.
I stay home all day with my kids, and then all night. And I know better, to cut myself some slack but seriously, I'm not any good at this. If this is what I am and what I'm going to do with my life, if this is what I'm going to lay it all down for, I want to at least be a little good at it.
What is my strong suit? I can't keep the house clean enough, stay ahead of the laundry pile, I try to make good meals but sometimes they are pitiful, including the ramen noodles they had last night.
When do I get to punch out?
And what do their hearts feel, when they see their life-less mother, that's let herself go, on the inside and the outside,
does that bring shadows to their bedtime
like it does to mine?