I'm trying to pinpoint the age when a child goes from hearing laughter and applause and so they laugh and clap along because they think it's because of something they did - to - being embarrassed, humble, when someone really does laugh or clap because of something they really did do.
How I wish I could be childish in these situations still to this day. You like my blog post? Hahahaha! clapclapclap with delight. Because I do feel like responding on the inside that way, a lot, underneath the humility, and the pokey feelings that I'm glaringly undeserving. (But if I remember correctly, even as a child I never could take a compliment comfortably.)
I
The empty ones pile up underneath my sink and then out into the garage where they get knocked over almost weekly. So I sweep the broken glass and still wash out and still save the next one when the last pickle is eaten.
Tonight I want to capture the kids with their belly giggles while watching Tom & Jerry on the kitchen TV.
The innocence. In a glass jar with a tin lid, if I could.
I have mothered much, but I have yet to see their innocence sneak off, like I"m sure it will, when I'll tuck it in one night and find it gone one morning. [Like Peter's shadow I imagine I'll do my best to look for it and sew it back on]
but...
One by one it will fade, when it is time. Suddenly? Will I see it happening? Or will it creep away slowly while I pay careful attention?
If the jars are here, so is childhood. A project, a bug, a button, a clump of dirt & a few blades of grass, a picked dandelion from the yard. If the jars are here, there's still something to fill.
I didn't want to add this to the post to disrupt my flow but
ReplyDeletewhile writing it I had in mind a photo of Ivy with my buttons and when I went to link to the post just now I found that I wrote about a pickle jar back then
and
I hadn't planned that at all.
Steph
Do you remember that scene in "Finding Neverland" when JM Barrie looks at the oldest boy, George as he's talking about his sick mum? And he says wistfully, "And the boy is gone. You grew up just now." I love this post and it matters. Thank you for this. *clap clap clap&
ReplyDeleteOk sarah's comment just made me teary - oh that movie!
ReplyDeleteYou can laugh and clap along with me on this one. It brought tears to my eyes and I don't even have children. Although, that in and of itself can bring tears to my eyes at a moments notice, but this time it was just the love and beauty of your post.
ReplyDeleteOh, this was so awesomely written, and sweet, and I so relate (like all your posts) *clap*clap*clap!
ReplyDeletei keep jars too, something about the idea of preservation, just speaks to my soul...my youngest is almost 5, its hard moving passed babyhood
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is 10, and I'm scared and feel this time coming soon.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post.
gosh what a lovely post! innocence is so tricky - hope i realise when its coming to an end.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Steph!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Post! I think of Gram's button jar. Filled with so much love. I love how you use your jars with fresh cut flowers. Funny cause I hesitated throwing away a pickle jar the other day thinking of everything it could hold. The growing up does sneak up on you when least expected.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. The time to influence and mother while they are still so innocent and opened is so brief. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeletejust another post making me feel al sick inside about sending my first off to kindergarten in a few weeks!
ReplyDeletei love this steph....i can so relate!
Do you know why I teach 8th grade? Because they still have a foot in childhood. They do. And so when we play test review Jeopardy and they get a question right, they clap and cheer and shout (and I shush them and threaten to stop playing the game) and sometimes they forget themselves and STILL show that childish enthusiasm. I love it. I hope your kids keep it for a long, long time.
ReplyDeleteDamn, girl. You've got words on your heart and soul. Beautiful. I love this.
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful post steph. i wonder the same thing but am going to completely enjoy it while they are little because it will go all too quickly.
ReplyDeleteon a semi unrelated but still childhood note. i asked the hubby to which he responds "oh honey, you know my memory! but, yeah i remember something like that happening so yep, it was probably me." i will need more of this story as he does not seem to remember much of it =)
This was a great post and something I think about often. I'm all teary just reading about it.
ReplyDeleteAs always, a very beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant... I am always saying: I wish I could bottle this moment... of course we can't and have to depend on our fragile memories!!! It's sad really that it all passes so fast!!!
ReplyDeleteThis exact thought has been on my heart lately. It happens at the end of every summer for me, just before I go back to school. My baby is turning 2 in a few weeks and I'm downright heartbroken about it. My ovaries are aching for another...just not sure.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honesty. It's nice to not be alone on this journey of motherhood.
oh. i've got a big lump stuck in my throat because I get this, and I love how you put it.
ReplyDeleteI read this earlier, but did not have time to comment. Then later today had one of those moments where I actually saw it slipping away from my oldest (he's almost 13)UGH! I always say I want to squish them back into five year olds and put them in a jar.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful as always...making me think and feel more deeply!
Your writing always amazes and touches me.
ReplyDeleteMy SIL also collects jars... interesting.
Our journey has begun!… secretly though
ReplyDeleteIf I’ve left you this message, you’re a follower of my original blog ~OR~ just someone I’ve happened upon while sending out these invites and that I would LOVE for to come along for the ride! Though I won’t be revealing who I am just yet – until we’re TO and THROUGH the first trimester! Just getting the word out about our new site – further explanation of all the secrecy and what we’re about on my first post. I’d love for you to stop by.
Exciting things going on around here!
www.definitelymaybebaby.com
~ the {secret} *Maybe* Baby Mama
love this post...just beautiful
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you, as the mother of teen sons, that it trickles away slow enough for you to see it happening. Your eyes see it, butyour heart lives in denial.
Your post reminded me of a television commercial screened in Australia, about someone else who likes to collect glass jars with tin lids.
ReplyDeleteCatch a Falling Star