[I kinda miss this, a lot]
I was away for a couple days, only one night, but it was not like me to go somewhere by myself, and I was nervous. Nervous to be on my own, meet new people, not feeling super confident about my appearance, etc. That was also not like me.
[glasses, pony tail, this is me.]
I didn't take any photos outside of my hotel room. But I did love my room (at The Wit Chicago- literal next door neighbor to the Chicago Theatre.) I was on a business trip (I feel like I can say that, because I am getting paid in real money.)
[the headboard, worth a photo]
When I lived in Chicago, my most vivid memories are of the hot summer. But I didn't feel any of them flooding back like I expected. There was the el right outside my window, but even that didn't spark anything in my heart. It's like, I'm a grown up now. And while I sometimes miss those days, I look back and am so glad I got through them. And that they're over.
Jeff didn't email or text me about the kids, like, the whole night. I indulged in a bubble bath and my big bed all to myself and then I hopped up and opened the curtains, with the city lights pouring in, and then crawled back into a dozen pillows. I didn't like not hearing from home. At that moment I would have given anything to just see the kids asleep in their beds. I saw it in my mind, but wanted to see it in real life. And I couldn't.
I ended up calling hubs in the morning and everyone was fine. They'd slept well, and Ivy kept asking if I was at the store "Mommy at the stow?" and then she'd say "Oh, Mommy in the 'cago."
When I got home after midnight last night, I woke her up to relieve my breast(s) and nursed her like she was two days old. Only, it felt like I was holding a teen-ager.
We crawled into bed, with the sheets that won't stay on the corners, and a pile of laundry on the floor. And I decided to stop trying to make friends with time. And we just made peace instead.