August 14, 2010

In the 'Cago

my bed, all to my self
[I kinda miss this, a lot]

I was away for a couple days, only one night, but it was not like me to go somewhere by myself, and I was nervous. Nervous to be on my own, meet new people, not feeling super confident about my appearance, etc. That was also not like me.

me me me
[glasses, pony tail, this is me.]

I didn't take any photos outside of my hotel room. But I did love my room (at The Wit Chicago- literal next door neighbor to the Chicago Theatre.) I was on a business trip (I feel like I can say that, because I am getting paid in real money.)

felt headboard
[the headboard, worth a photo]

When I lived in Chicago, my most vivid memories are of the hot summer. But I didn't feel any of them flooding back like I expected. There was the el right outside my window, but even that didn't spark anything in my heart. It's like, I'm a grown up now. And while I sometimes miss those days, I look back and am so glad I got through them. And that they're over.

out my window

Jeff didn't email or text me about the kids, like, the whole night. I indulged in a bubble bath and my big bed all to myself and then I hopped up and opened the curtains, with the city lights pouring in, and then crawled back into a dozen pillows. I didn't like not hearing from home. At that moment I would have given anything to just see the kids asleep in their beds. I saw it in my mind, but wanted to see it in real life. And I couldn't.

I ended up calling hubs in the morning and everyone was fine. They'd slept well, and Ivy kept asking if I was at the store "Mommy at the stow?" and then she'd say "Oh, Mommy in the 'cago."

When I got home after midnight last night, I woke her up to relieve my breast(s) and nursed her like she was two days old. Only, it felt like I was holding a teen-ager.

We crawled into bed, with the sheets that won't stay on the corners, and a pile of laundry on the floor. And I decided to stop trying to make friends with time. And we just made peace instead.


  1. I'm making you a fancy headboard.
    For reals. One worthy of a photo as well.

    Although the bed won't be nearly as big. :)

    You're lovely.

  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one with some self image issues lately. You're beautiful. Really, glasses, ponytail and all :)

  3. This: "And I decided to stop trying to make friends with time. And we just made peace instead." is what I'm working on. Every day.

  4. You are so much more beautiful than you believe. And I bet nursing Ivy like that was a nice little gift, a little trip back in time to when she was truly 2 days old. And the making peace with time stuff? are a brilliant writer...

  5. These days, each time I wake up in a hotel room by myself I feel almost guilty. But then I take one of those bubble baths, or use the remote without having to watch Little Bear and just revel in the great alone.

  6. Love the pictures, the bedding, and you! I think you with pony and glasses is so authentically you!


  7. One more thing we have in common - I just bought glasses exactly like that. I have to be in glasses, whether I like it or not, while my eye heals. And so, we look a lot alike at the moment. Kind-of Lisa Loeb-ish.

    I'm so glad you had fun :)

  8. Ivy is adorable ("the stow"!), and you are gorgeous, lady!

    I envy you that bubble bath :D

  9. That looks like a beautiful place to spend the night....
    Glad you had that time.
    And glad you are making peace with time :)

  10. i hate The Guilt and The Missing. no one told me how hard it would be to give away pieces of my heart.

  11. Of course I love that you threw a Tori lyric in there. Glad you had a good time and I wish I could have seen the show! P.S. Even though you don't miss living in the 'Cago all that much, your spirit is always here within its skyscraper walls. Love you.

  12. I also, have a set of sheets that don't stay on the corners. And, that bed in your hotel room...heavenly.

  13. I really want to go sleep in that awesome bed! Even just for a nap!! That last line--perfect...

  14. you truly looked great in that pic :) Most of the time I manage to live in the moment not think of past or future but when I do yeah I too end up making peace with time :) hugs

  15. i had my first ever night away from the kids about two weeks ago. flash and i had a date overnight in boston. it was so nice to leave home and check into the hotel, to get dressed up and enjoy a long lazy date. then we went back to our room at around 11:30 and climbed into bed. then i turned to flash and said, "ok you can take me home now."

    we stayed at the hotel in the end but i wasn't joking. i really did feel like that was enough for me.

    and the next morning i was hand expressing in the shower before breakfast...

  16. Sometimes I think we need to get away for a moment to put in perspective how great our lives are. Those little moments that drive us crazy can be the same fleeting moments that make this all so wonderful.

  17. you look adorable!

    my three year old says 'cago also! I love it!

  18. mommy in the 'cago. dead. melt. the cuteness.

  19. ahhhh - so hard not to fight time kicking and throwing a fit like a 3 year old. Thats where I am today.
    clawing to hold on to each minute that flys past....sigh...(tears)...
    I think each time my heart expands (from babies & grand babies) I forget how bittersweet it is. Someone new to love SO VERY MUCH. Someone new to have to "let go and let God" with each "aint easy!" being momma :) - or mema for that matter!:}
    Love the blog - :)

  20. There are about 18 things that made me happy in this post. (Glad you got away for a night.) (Oh, and CBC was showing Finding Neverland last night and I thought of you but then I remembered you live in the States and don't get CBC so never mind. Ha!)

  21. glad you got away for a bit, but even happier you are so glad to be back. you are adorable, love the ponytail!

  22. That dress = cute on you.

    I love these posts where you attempt to capture the "balance" of life - work, family, friends, money, home, etc. It's not really possible to reach equilibrium, is it?

  23. Mommy in the 'cago. Priceless!


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