August 14, 2010

In the 'Cago

my bed, all to my self
[I kinda miss this, a lot]

I was away for a couple days, only one night, but it was not like me to go somewhere by myself, and I was nervous. Nervous to be on my own, meet new people, not feeling super confident about my appearance, etc. That was also not like me.


me me me
[glasses, pony tail, this is me.]

I didn't take any photos outside of my hotel room. But I did love my room (at The Wit Chicago- literal next door neighbor to the Chicago Theatre.) I was on a business trip (I feel like I can say that, because I am getting paid in real money.)

felt headboard
[the headboard, worth a photo]

When I lived in Chicago, my most vivid memories are of the hot summer. But I didn't feel any of them flooding back like I expected. There was the el right outside my window, but even that didn't spark anything in my heart. It's like, I'm a grown up now. And while I sometimes miss those days, I look back and am so glad I got through them. And that they're over.

out my window


Jeff didn't email or text me about the kids, like, the whole night. I indulged in a bubble bath and my big bed all to myself and then I hopped up and opened the curtains, with the city lights pouring in, and then crawled back into a dozen pillows. I didn't like not hearing from home. At that moment I would have given anything to just see the kids asleep in their beds. I saw it in my mind, but wanted to see it in real life. And I couldn't.


I ended up calling hubs in the morning and everyone was fine. They'd slept well, and Ivy kept asking if I was at the store "Mommy at the stow?" and then she'd say "Oh, Mommy in the 'cago."

When I got home after midnight last night, I woke her up to relieve my breast(s) and nursed her like she was two days old. Only, it felt like I was holding a teen-ager.

We crawled into bed, with the sheets that won't stay on the corners, and a pile of laundry on the floor. And I decided to stop trying to make friends with time. And we just made peace instead.


23 comments:

  1. I'm making you a fancy headboard.
    For reals. One worthy of a photo as well.

    Although the bed won't be nearly as big. :)

    You're lovely.

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  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one with some self image issues lately. You're beautiful. Really, glasses, ponytail and all :)

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  3. This: "And I decided to stop trying to make friends with time. And we just made peace instead." is what I'm working on. Every day.

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  4. You are so much more beautiful than you believe. And I bet nursing Ivy like that was a nice little gift, a little trip back in time to when she was truly 2 days old. And the making peace with time stuff? Brilliant...you are a brilliant writer...

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  5. These days, each time I wake up in a hotel room by myself I feel almost guilty. But then I take one of those bubble baths, or use the remote without having to watch Little Bear and just revel in the great alone.

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  6. Love the pictures, the bedding, and you! I think you with pony and glasses is so authentically you!

    Nell

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  7. One more thing we have in common - I just bought glasses exactly like that. I have to be in glasses, whether I like it or not, while my eye heals. And so, we look a lot alike at the moment. Kind-of Lisa Loeb-ish.

    I'm so glad you had fun :)

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  8. Ivy is adorable ("the stow"!), and you are gorgeous, lady!

    I envy you that bubble bath :D

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  9. That looks like a beautiful place to spend the night....
    Glad you had that time.
    And glad you are making peace with time :)

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  10. i hate The Guilt and The Missing. no one told me how hard it would be to give away pieces of my heart.

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  11. Of course I love that you threw a Tori lyric in there. Glad you had a good time and I wish I could have seen the show! P.S. Even though you don't miss living in the 'Cago all that much, your spirit is always here within its skyscraper walls. Love you.

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  12. I also, have a set of sheets that don't stay on the corners. And, that bed in your hotel room...heavenly.

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  13. I really want to go sleep in that awesome bed! Even just for a nap!! That last line--perfect...

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  14. you truly looked great in that pic :) Most of the time I manage to live in the moment not think of past or future but when I do yeah I too end up making peace with time :) hugs

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  15. i had my first ever night away from the kids about two weeks ago. flash and i had a date overnight in boston. it was so nice to leave home and check into the hotel, to get dressed up and enjoy a long lazy date. then we went back to our room at around 11:30 and climbed into bed. then i turned to flash and said, "ok you can take me home now."

    we stayed at the hotel in the end but i wasn't joking. i really did feel like that was enough for me.

    and the next morning i was hand expressing in the shower before breakfast...

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  16. Sometimes I think we need to get away for a moment to put in perspective how great our lives are. Those little moments that drive us crazy can be the same fleeting moments that make this all so wonderful.

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  17. you look adorable!

    my three year old says 'cago also! I love it!

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  18. mommy in the 'cago. dead. melt. the cuteness.

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  19. ahhhh - so hard not to fight time kicking and throwing a fit like a 3 year old. Thats where I am today.
    clawing to hold on to each minute that flys past....sigh...(tears)...
    I think each time my heart expands (from babies & grand babies) I forget how bittersweet it is. Someone new to love SO VERY MUCH. Someone new to have to "let go and let God" with each day.....it "aint easy!" being momma :) - or mema for that matter!:}
    Love the blog - :)

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  20. There are about 18 things that made me happy in this post. (Glad you got away for a night.) (Oh, and CBC was showing Finding Neverland last night and I thought of you but then I remembered you live in the States and don't get CBC so never mind. Ha!)

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  21. glad you got away for a bit, but even happier you are so glad to be back. you are adorable, love the ponytail!

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  22. That dress = cute on you.

    I love these posts where you attempt to capture the "balance" of life - work, family, friends, money, home, etc. It's not really possible to reach equilibrium, is it?

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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  23. Mommy in the 'cago. Priceless!

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