July 6, 2010


I find Legos in my bed. They are treasures from Gray. Usually small shapes, always unique, and special. Left under the covers, in my jewelry box, on my makeup bag.

Noah has my old iPod and is obsessed with keeping it charged. And his new favorite song is Ray Charles' Georgia On My Mind.

Carter's birthday is in three days. Carter's birthday is in three days. Carter's birthday is in three days. Hey, did you know Carter's birthday is in THREE DAYS?

(Of all my children, he anticipates his birthday most. Starting with the day after his birthday. Every year.)

Ivy is almost 22 months old. And still breastfeeding like it's her job (and she's one of those wacky workaholics.) I see no reason to even consider stopping anytime soon. And I will never make excuses, hide it, or feel embarrassed, for something so wonderful.

We've been busy, hopping weekend to weekend. But the days in between, we throw a blanket on the ground and watch each other. Look at clouds and then fireflies and then stars. Lying so close our noses touch.

iPhone photos while my life is on hold my computer is being healed:

Found a bowling pin in our yard
We sometimes get litter in our yard, hubs found a bowling pin.

Sometimes she falls asleep like this when I'm working or just need time for myself. [ha]

Pinned the tail not on the donkey
Pinned the tail not on the donkey. Without a blindfold.

Those are the things I want to remember,

the fillers to the planned trips and parties and events and big deal days. The little things that will surely be forgotten even though together they make up the most important stuff.

They squeeze and mold and gently pat and brush off the dirt and form my heart back into the right shape.


  1. Beautiful, Steph, as always. I know you're not perfect and you make a point of not trying to appear perfect, but I do so admire you. For one thing, I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding right now.

    Halia is 20 months old and the main things that keep me going with breastfeeding are A) Jade got until she was two, so ending sooner just ins't FAIR(!) and B) she's even more attached to breastfeeding than Jade was because I haven't gone back to work yet. But the dark thoughts of weaning often come in the middle of the night!

  2. yes, these filler days are so special. i want to remember them, too.

  3. I did a photo-a-day last year and it was WONDERFUL. a great way to remember all those "in between" times that you are talking about. The days when there is really no "reason" to have to get my camera out are the days that I captured some of my most treasured photos, because those days were REAL.

  4. Yes, the filling is what it's all about! Sometimes I forget that & try to cram our days full of "meaningful" things...when what's really meaningful is the filling....:) Thanks for the reminder!

  5. Perfect. I needed to read this as so often I'm anticipating the next great event and not enjoying the perfectly beautiful moment I'm in.

    Thank you!


  6. So real life and yet so perfect.
    Your words!!!!!

    Audrey just turned 2 and is breastfeeding as much as ever ( : Jeremiah does the lego thing too!

  7. After a son who wouldn't take the breast, you can bet I'm going to nurse my newest as long as she wants!

  8. I love the middle image of the baby sleeping against your arm. So sweet! Makes me want to run home and give my son a squeeze!


  9. And I will never make excuses, hide it, or feel embarrassed, for something so wonderful.

    you know my pea is just a few months older than ivy. she is nursing all.the.time. these days and although in my heart i embrace it i have begun to find myself really struggling with my own emotions when she asks to nurse in public. she is almost two. she looks like she is about 3.5 or older. i don't want to feel shame.

    not sure why i am leaving this in your comments. maybe just to tell you how inspiring your sentence is to me. thank you.

  10. So so good. Loving the filer days recently... the laziness of not rushing, but living :)

  11. I am fairly new to your blog and have really been enjoying your refreshing take on motherhood and life in general. I'm pregnant with baby #2 and have lots of thoughts swirling around in my head about what I want to do different vs. the same (mostly different, let's be honest). I nursed my first for 14 mos, and would love to nurse this one for even longer. The one thing that was hard for me was the inability to really go away anywhere w/o baby, even for a night or two. (My first had a horrible time with a bottle) I'd love to know how you handle this?

  12. How in the world does a random bowling pin get in your yard? Weird.

    Sometimes it's just the 'little' memories that are bigger, isn't it? So sweet...

  13. Anne, I've tried my best to answer your question here today.



  14. Lovely thoughts, so true about choices...my favorite "she's one of those wacky workaholics" Ha, love it!


  15. I love your lens, Steph.

    And the look on Gray's face.

    And Ivy all snugged up against you. (Like my Eli -- I wanna be by you, Mama.)

    And the bowling pin?? Random. Seriously, who carries around a bowling pin?

    glad you shared the filling. <3

  16. You have such a beautiful way of expressing things. You are right on about it being the moments in between. Thank you for sharing your heart always. I find that it helps me understand my heart better.

  17. I agree. The little things are the most in danger of being forgotten, but they're the things that I want to remember most of all. Truth be told, the fear of losing all of these happy memories is one of the reasons I blog.



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