July 17, 2010

An entry probably meant for my anonymous blog, if I had one*

hand hand


This week has been a trying but good one for me. I feel like I've rounded yet another corner (so.many.corners.) but for once (in my life?) (in a long long time?) I'm happy with who I see when I see me. Like, I actually can feel myself going in the right direction. If that makes any sense?


I still struggle with reading my Bible like I think I know I should, but I find my heart starting a crave. That is new.

I'm sensing a lot of new things within me but it's almost like they aren't new, but that this was me all along.

Like, I was underneath a bunch of stuff that I'm throwing off, purging left and right and while I was running the other day it was like I saw it all happening, and I passed this bench and envisioned the old me, sitting there and I kept running and it was like, I'm leaving her behind. And it made me so happy.

I'm ready to live.


*[I'm seriously thinking about starting one.]


25 comments:

  1. Live, girlfriend. Live it up & stay strong <3

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  2. I've grown to believe that we're not really one way or another. People evolve and as we grow older and experience more, we're bound to find new places in the world and in our hearts where we find comfort and joy. I think it's necessary for us to purge now and then. And I think it's wonderful that you see this and aren't allowing yourself to stay in any one place for too long as a person. Kudos.

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  3. I'm smiling for you. What a beautiful place to be.

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  4. What a wonderful God thing. Such a blessing.

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  5. This doesn't need to be on an anonymous blog, girlfriend! I venture to guess that most of your readers would love to get to know a new part of you that you've been holding back from this blog. I know I would!

    Nell

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  6. LOVE this. LOVE this honesty and this imagery about running past the old you, and throwing off layers. LOVE it. :)

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  7. No reason to make that anonymous. It's a part of who you are, and there's never any need to hide that.

    It's a good feeling that feeling of finally going where you want to be going.

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  8. A little explanation why anonymous...

    If I want to continue writing like this and a bit more bare than I'm comfortable with, it will include writing about things and people that might not want to be written about. We all have our side of the story.

    Steph

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  9. Do you journal? It doesn't have to be blog form, and then you have all the freedom in the world to dive into whatever you need to :)

    But the honesty in this post? Love it. I think we all have to hold back a little on our blogs. Of course there are things that are off limit - it's knowing where the line is, the comfort level for you.

    Sounds like you're in a good place :) Even if it's trying, it's... a growing place. And that's rarely bad!

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  10. A beautiful post Steph. I was just saying last night that so few people ver mention reading the bible or going to church on their blog or Twitter or Facebook. I love the image of you running past the old you. I thought the old you was awesome. I can't imagine another version. Can't wait!

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  11. Maybe it is my age, but I think if I am writing it and putting it out there I can't hide behind the words. If I put them out there I need to be able to defend them. Anonymous is ones choice those, I hope that you find everything you need.

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  12. The other night hubs and I were taking a walk and I looked over at him and I told him you know what, I feel pretty. And he smiled and gave me a big kiss.

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  13. Turning a corner is good...it always feels amazing when you're headed in the right direction and know it (which is only just happened for me in like the last year).

    God is good, knowing is good.

    Life.is.good.

    Love you.

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  14. You are where I want to be. I think I'm still in the Eustace-as-a-dragon-being-skinned-by-Aslan stage. (C.S. Lewis, Voyage of the Dawn Treader) I'm not sure how much longer it's going to take.

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  15. I got chills at the end of this, Steph.

    This reminds me of something my yoga instructor said. When we leave yoga, feeling so good and centered with such clarity of mind after being there in that session, letting go of all the layers and piles we heap upon ourselves, that *that* is who we really are. We're there all along, like you said -- buried under everything else.

    Whatever the means, unearth her. And let her live.

    xoxo

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  16. This post makes me smile :-) I know how you feel, motherhood as define me more then I taught it would But I keep reminding myself that my identity is found here http://www.ficm.org/whoiam.htm

    Have a great day
    Renee

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  17. Cravings wane and build for me in regard to being in my the Word. But I find, like sugar, the more I have, the more I crave it. :)

    Here's to living. And realizing. And knowing that it's time to let yourself.

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  18. Dance like no one is watching and LIVE!

    I've been struggling about the whole personal blogging thing lately. Took a break for awhile to concentrate on CM. Now, because most of my entries are personal and more "journal-like", I am wondering whether I should start an anon blog. I don't know what the answer is...

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  19. steph. this makes me so happy and teary for you. i'm proud of you. and love you lotsly.

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  20. I started a private blog this year and it has been very therapeutic and freeing. One day I will probably share it with people I love but for today it is all mine!

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  21. I just loved this post. It is an amazing feeling to know you're headed in the right direction. Girl, I struggle so much getting into the Word enough. But, it's amazing that you are having a longing for it. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  22. "the old me, sitting there and I kept running and it was like, I'm leaving her behind"

    YES.

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  23. Love it.
    I really connect with this post. Four months ago I started to actually like myself, and it's getting stronger every day. Life is good.

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  24. Here's to the journey. It gets better every day. :-)

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  25. i struggle with reading my bible too.

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