June 11, 2010

sssssssnap

THURSDAY, 10:50 PM

I am weary.

And tired.

I have been a good Mom- a good Mom this week, and it is exhausting.

Noah has summer school every day until the end of this month, and he has to be out front for the bus by 7:25AM. IN THE MORNING. That's a whole hour earlier than when school was even in session.

Every day this week I planned to go back to bed after he left but Every day this week all four of my children have been awake to see him off... and so... my day begins early, and it lasts so very long.

We have filled it with the beach, with bubbles, with arts and crafts on the rainy days, and with books (so many books- Ivy says sentences now and her most often said (no joke) is "Read the book" readthebook readthebook readthebook she says it eleventy million times a day.)

Readthebook.

The other night was tiring just from the accumulation of normal life stuff and then on top of it Ivy had an awful diaper rash, so I put her to bed naked from the waist down, so her little hoo hoo could get plenty of air (I put towels down underneath, of course, but she was dry the whole night!) But I woke constantly checking her, to see if she was ok, to see if she'd wet, to adjust the towel, etc etc.

And I had finally fallen to a good sleep when I could hear Carter crying in his bed, he was sick with a very sore throat. So I doctored him and (because all of my kids have inherited my baths-make-everything-feel-better gene) gave him a bath at two in the morning.

I was bummed because I hate when they are sick and miserable, and I hate that I wasn't going to get any sleep, and we had also planned a fun park day with friends and that was all going to probably not happen now and I was frustrated that we were in the middle of switching pediatricians- again- because our awesome natural pediatrician's office moved too far away and so we are back to going local and I had to deal with all that hassle and explain why they hadn't seen my kids in so long,

and I just don't have the energy for this.

But yet, I am a good Mom, and I muster it up somehow.

I took him to the doctor, and even brought books for the wait and read out loud Shel Silverstein until the doctor came in, and it was quick and fine. Just a virus, to be treated as I already was doing, but at least now we have peace of mind (that we bought for $80, thanks, sucky insurance.)

And by the time we made it home, my eyelids were filled with cement and my arms and legs felt like spaghetti and I wondered how I was going to make it the next few hours until hubby came home, let alone the next few minutes.

I started fighting back the emotional over-tired-ness tears, and kept thinking about all the things you don't think about when you are planning to have several kids. Just because you finally get the baby to sleep doesn't mean you are in the clear. I've found they're all very timely about taking turns when they are sick or needy, but when is my turn? For a break from that cycle? Oh, that's right, I don't get a turn.

[And oh, such timely fashion! As I am writing this, it must be Noah's turn. I just had a spell holding him in his bed during a night terror. ]

water balloons

In the middle of making dinner today, I'd take breaks to fill water balloons at the kitchen sink. My plan is to stockpile them at night, so that the kids have plenty for the next day. But these water balloons, I carried in my shirt, and brought them outside where the kids were playing. And I grabbed my camera and snapped this photo and then SNAP! one of the balloons burst and I gasped! Soaked, cold splashed through my skirt, to my feet. It was like my water broke, literally.

The kids were surprised, too, and then we all started laughing. I rung out my tank top. They tossed the other balloons and within about four seconds all of them had burst.

Something needed to break today. And I'm glad it wasn't me.

Back to the sink I went to fill more up.

Back to my knees I go to fill me up.

So I can do it all again to-morrow.


37 comments:

  1. Oh man.....Hope today is a better day! :)

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  2. this is such a familiar post. and i only have one kid. *rubs sleep out of tired eyes*

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  3. Oh, I know it and I know it and I know it.

    The sick kid/too-little-sleep circumstance will knock me off of any high horse I've managed to saddle in two seconds flat.

    I don't have much in the way of wisdom to offer. Just know that I know . . . that we know . . .

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  4. they really are so good about taking turns, aren't they?

    i know these feelings so much.

    we had almost exactly the same water balloon experience yesterday and all had a good laugh. oh, how thankful i am for laughter even in exhaustion.

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  5. And I just have to say, isn't it funny how much better I feel now that I got that out?

    Steph

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  6. Oh, I love your beautiful honesty!

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  7. Steph. I loved this. I really did. So raw. So honest. Thank you for sharing your heart, your family with us.

    Bri

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  8. Okay first, how did you ever manage to get that picture with one hand?

    Second, OH THE TAKING OF ALL THE TURNS!!! (I guess it's better than them all having their turn at the same time though. God's grace with a sense of humor?)

    Third, I feel the same way some days and I only have two!

    Fourth, I called Al in the middle of the day to tell him, just to TELL him, "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it for the rest of the day. (Wimper.)" And he said, "I need to come home?" And I said, "No. I just needed to say that out loud. Now I feel better."

    Yeah. I get it, sister.

    Hope today has a Mama break (the GOOD kind, I mean) built into it somewhere for you!

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  9. It feels good to know I am not the only one that feels like this. Thank you for putting it into such lovely words.

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  10. i'm so glad it was balloons... i was inwardly cringing for you as i read through the post. whew.

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  11. I remember those days. Mine are teenagers now, and it's a different kind of tired. Worrying about their character, who they are texting, if they are making the right decisions when they aren't with you. It's not the physical exhaustion now, it's mental and emotional.
    Each season of motherhood has it's challenges, yet we all make it through.

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  12. i know the feeling. my 17 month old is whiney... all. the. time. at times, i can't take it anymore. i seriously look him in the eye and say "Why are you crying??" he doesn't get it.

    hang in there. the good days far outweigh the bad.

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  13. Oh poor thing! I pray today is better

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  14. I desperately want a big family, and my husband and I are thinking of trying for number two this fall, but I really don't know how I'll do it. It's hard enough with just the one. I sort of trick myself into saying that it'll only be hard the first year, after that babies get easier (yea right), they sleep through the night, and learn to play on their own...blah blah blah. But it doesn't really get easier does it?

    Just this morning I found myself incapable of doing anything...and it's only 11am. I sucked it up, put away the laundry, did the dishes, and changed the sheets, all whilst keeping an eye on my super energetic toddler, but that's all I could manage. I have to take the daily responsibilities in 10 min. intervals, otherwise I won't make it to lunch.

    I guess we just have to bask in the glorious days when life feels easier, fill up on their joy and then try to carry that over to the days that aren't so easy. I'm always reminding myself "today is just a difficult day, they won't all be like this."

    ~ lots of prayers and love heading towards you =0)

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  15. Oh honey. I love your honesty so much. And that you fill waterballoons for your kids. I've been thinking about you, wanting to email about babies and kids and family size. I'll save it for an email.

    But that tired you describe? That's how I felt coming home from work yesterday, knowing John wouldn't be home until after I had gotten them all to bed. Knowing I had (have) to pack for our trip that we're taking, leaving tonight after work. It is tiring. And of course we love them, but it is really stinkin' tiring.

    Love and hugs.

    elizabeth

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  16. i love this post and yes, it is amazing how much better you feel when you get it all out! : ) have a happy day!

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  17. I feel this all the way down to my toes, Stephanie. And I love that the water balloon broke instead of you. (Although I would say, the blog post is a kind of snapping, isn't it? It releases the tension and can help reset everything to zero.)

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  18. Oh man ... I needed to read this today.

    Today is going to be a tough day, I do believe.

    My 20 month old decided waking up at 5:30am was a great idea. Despite nursing 50 minutes, she wasn't going back to sleep. And she rarely ever naps. I'm praying today is an exception.

    And my 6yr old was woken up by youngest's fussing and crying. So she's been up since 6am.

    It's only 9:50 and I'm already exhausted. Youngest is crankier by the second (a sure sign that a nap very well could be in her near future!). Can't go outside today ... it's chilly and raining off and on ... so it's movie day for now.

    But I won't break.

    Maybe I should go buy some water balloons.

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  19. I thought I felt it when I was leaving my first comment: A whole post welled up in response to this one.

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  20. Dude, I only have two kids and some days I just feel like running down the driveway.

    And our fabulous awesome pediatrician joined the Peace Corps. Gone for TWO years. *sob*

    Have a lovely weekend.

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  21. I so needed to read this today. I don't comment much anymore but I still read :)

    My boys are horrible sleepers. They have just taken turns AGAIN today just when I desperately needed a nap.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels better just to say, "I CAN'T TAKE IT!!" But I know I can. And I will. Just like we all do.

    This thing called motherhood is so so different that what I thought. It can be SO hard when all I focus on is me. When I focus on HIM it is SO much better. Wonderful, in fact.

    Thank you for sharing.

    ~Ashley

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  22. You're not just a good mom; you're a great mom. And a great friend.
    I truly mean that.

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  23. I always love reading your blog, you are such a great writer.

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  24. That is a beautiful post! I'm glad that you did not "snap: :-)

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  25. LOVE this post. It is so very, very honest...I could feel your stress releasing with each word. Writing is so awesome that way.

    Truly hope you get some "me" time this weekend (or at least some really good chocolate!)

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  26. You are a good mom, for sure. Also a pretty cool mom, with those water balloons.

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  27. You make me so proud of motherhood and being a mom.

    ((hugs))

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  28. this is just the kind of week I am having.

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  29. I love your honesty that I'm not near brave enough to put out there yet. We mothers all feel this way and just wish we could put into words our feelings the way that you do. To get it out and make it a bit better... XOXO

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  30. I'm glad it wasn't you. (but if it had been you, that's okay, too!) (just run your tired self over to speedway for a slushy)

    And baths at 2 in the morning? YOU ARE SUPER MOM.

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  31. Water balloons and 2 a.m. baths? You'll get to carry your Good Mom card for life, I think!
    I so get this--and from the comments, it seems we all do--the exhaustion, the thought at the back of our tired brains as to whenever it will be Mom's turn, the feeling that we might snap, and how writing it out makes us somehow feel immensely better...

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  32. mine are teens and i am still...um... ::sigh::

    here's to next week being easier!

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  33. You're stronger than me. I find myself taking a quick 10 minute shower just to cry those "I can't take it any more" tears. If the boys come in, they can't tell Mama's been crying.

    After reading your post and the other comments, there must just be something in the air. My boys (and I only have 2) seem to be going through the same cycle your kids are. I don't know how you manage with 4. At least blogging about seems to bring down your frusration level.

    More than anything else, I wish you a full night of uniterrupted sleep!

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  34. You ARE a good mom - and you inspire us all!

    I need to get in the habit of stockpiling water balloons too. My 3-year-old would LOVE that. :)

    Oh, and don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor and he/she tells you *exactly* what you already know? So bothersome!

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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