June 7, 2010

Pick your battles, and other tales from my time in prison.

I made a deal with Gray on Saturday that he was going to wear whatever I picked out for church in the morning. (Ok, so it wasn't really a deal, it was a punishment, because he broke my BRAND NEW(ish) jump rope after I had told him he could not play with it.)

He had to wear whatever shirt I chose (even if it had a small tag) and whatever pants I chose (they would NOT be the Aunt Lisa pants) and sandals (NOT shoes with socks like he insists, even in the hottest of weather.)

Come Sunday morning he played it off like I forgot. Hey Mom, I can't find my Aunt Lisa pants... and then he saw what I'd laid out for him to wear (a shirt and shorts that I'd bought a few months ago from Mini Boden (not cheap) and he still hadn't ever worn). His face contorted and yet he remained strong. He might have mumbled Aunt Lisa pants a few times under his breath but he wore that outfit- with a SMILE, actually.

He looked so cute. I haven't seen him in clothes that look "right "in so long. Seriously, when I've written about the Aunt Lisa pants before, it was NO exaggeration. Ask all my friends.

I got myself ready for church and started getting everyone in the car. There, standing in the door is Gray, still in his new outfit, mind you, but-

with a few added accessories.

superhero

[Cape, Spiderman glove, and backpack, I'll take you over the Aunt Lisa pants ANY DAY.]

Yes, he wore it the whole church service.



Later that night as we were fixing dinner, Jeff was trying to get something out of the scary utensil drawer and the vegetable peeler put the measuring spoon in a headlock and the vegetable peeler lost, breaking off a blade.

Me: "Whoa, this is dangerous. I could totally shank you with this." I held it up and gave a little cut throat hand motion.

Jeff: "Hey, kids, your Mom's prison days are coming back to haunt us."

Kids: "Mommy was in PRISON?!"

Me: "NOooo. No no no. No. Daddy just made an awful joke. I was never in prison. Great, that's all I need, Jeff, for them to tell people I was in prison!"

Jeff: (in a girl voice) "I think we need more bird paintings on the cell walls."

Me: "Hahaha I probably would say that, actually."

Then I shanked him. Only not. But kinda, in my mind.


35 comments:

  1. I'm glad we aren't the only ones with a scary utensil drawer. I actually have two.

    And there is no etsy in prison. I remind myself that every time I get the urge to shank someone.

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  2. SHANKING OMG. I HAVE NEVER BEEN PROUDER OF YOU.

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  3. I would have let him rock the darlin' outfit, too. Some things, aren't actually a battle ;-)

    Shanking.. LOL! Sounds like a convo that would have happened in our house ;-)

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  4. Oh dear what a story! And I think your husband and mine have that same "sense" on humor!!!! Boys LOL

    Wow that was an outfit! Are boys more difficult to dress then girls, I means For us it's pick any dress and tell my girls that it's a princess dress and they are in bliss but what about boys, how does their little mind work about clothing????

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  5. Well if the kids bring it up again you can tell them that's where to met Jeff.

    Good for Gray - he kept his end of the bargain but figured that you hadn't "no embellishments." He will definitely keep life interesting for you.

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  6. Anyone who can work "shanking" and "church" all into the same post . . . well, mad props, mama.

    Pick your battles. My mantra.

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  7. THIS is why I come back to your blog again and again. :-)

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  8. Love love love this post. :)

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  9. My 3yo has a shiny blue cape that he wears constantly. Unless he's wearing his yellow playsilk as a cape. But sometimes he wears both. You gotta love a kid who can accessorize.

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  10. Oh give him back his Aunt Lisa pants already - I think he was a really good sport.

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  11. You crack me up. Sounds so similar to conversations my hubby and I have.

    Here's to many more caped crusader days ahead with Gray.

    -Abby

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  12. The cape and the Spiderman glove make the outfit. ;)

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  13. Oh my... trading the pants for a cape, glove, and backpack!? *sigh* :) I love this post!

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  14. Don't you LOVE that Gray marches to the beat of his very own drummer? I love that about my Jake - it will take them both very far in life :)

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  15. i think this may be your greatest post ever.

    xoxo

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  16. Well, this could probably be no worse than wanting to name a parrot Pecker. :-) Popping in to say hello. (changed my blog from SpotOnYourpPants).

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  17. Definitely one of your best posts!!!! Ever!!!

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  18. loved the exchange between you and Jeff...I do not know you in real life but could never picture you as a "Shanker" anyway. But that was so funny!

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  19. this post has me CRACKING UP. i can see and hear it all happening. even your facial expression as you admit you would TOTALLY say that the cell decor.

    also, i love gray so much. but you know that.

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  20. Best part? Then I shanked him. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  21. good lord, i love you, woman.

    xo e.

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  22. This totally made my night.

    And I really do think bird paintings would improve the prison environment. How could they not?

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  23. very funny! and you enter my utensil drawer at your own risk too!

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  24. I am laughing so hard at this right now. :-)

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  25. Oh the picture made me smile!

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  26. eeeeehehehehehehehe.

    though i've never met him, i can just imagine him saying that and it gives me the giggles.

    we often discuss that you 'shank' someone (the VERB) you 'shank' them with a SHIV, noun.

    because we're weird, just like you.

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  27. Looking at Gray's outfit reminds me of kids song "I'm in the Lord's Army" and I've never heard of Shanking someone...I guess I'm behind the times.

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  28. i bet he secretly liked wearing that outfit...especially since you picked it out just for him.

    ROFL about the shanking...its such a good word!

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  29. Love this post. Every bit of it! so funny

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  30. I was pretty composed until I got to the prison story, and then I lost it, tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. G. ran into the room to see what was going on, he sees me wiping under my eye and says, "What's wrong, mommy? I'm sorry your computer made you cry!" Which made me laugh even harder. Thanks for making dinner preparation enjoyable tonight. :)

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  31. Aw, Steph. I have scary utensil drawers too. One of them barely opens. And I think I only actually use two things in it. I HAVE to come visit you guys before I have this baby. Sigh. If I say it enough times will it come true?

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  32. The outfit made me giggle, but the shanking? I burst out laughing. That sounds so much like the type of thing I would say. (and often, it's my "tough" side and it makes my husband laugh)

    I do think that birds on the prison walls would be lovely decor. Oh, and perhaps a garden gnome or two as "guards"?

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