April 6, 2010

It sticks.

my family (part 1) they stick

Secretly I'll give you glimpses, hints of me a longtimeago.

I'm not ready to share it all, don't know if I'll ever be... but I was just thinking about it, with the window open and whisper of damp summer night coming,

how before I had a life, before I had anything to do but play Crash Bandicoot on the Playstation or go to open mic nights at coffee houses

when I worked open to closes at the mall, lived off Sbarro cheese pizza and Gloria Jean's chillers and had nothing to do.

I remember wishing, I remember my heart grieving for something, grasping for the one thing anything that would stick

And make my life make sense.

Throw a bunch of dreams at the wall, at my heart, whatever sticks.

I remember further back, to childhood, pieces of it, and not all of it. I can close my eyes and be there, outside until dark, playing under the branches of a big evergreen, riding bikes, pretending.

Lots of pretending.

And I wonder when I crawled out from that tree, when I stopped make-believe-ing? When I let my heart be broken and let my life be lived. And on the way it happened

while I was probably still day-dreaming.

Because I see my life now, and finally, I have something that sticks.

my family (part 2)

38 comments:

  1. You gave me chills. Your words are so eloquent, your pictures so vivid.

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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  2. wonderful. thank you for sharing this :)

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  3. This may very well be my favorite of all that I've read of you. Lovely on so many levels, Steph.

    xo elizabeth

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  4. But...it is so green where you live? There is something green on the ground...is that grass? I am puzzled. How did you get that? Are you willing to share it?

    From someone who clearly needs to live in a more southern clime.

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  5. This is so, so, so good. I can barely remember my empty life before I had my husband, my kids. Perfect, Steph. Gorgeous.

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  6. You are an artist with your words - beautiful.

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  7. I agree w/ Elizabeth, I think this is my favorite of yours. Beautiful.

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  8. Crash Bandicoot? ME TOO! How about Jet Moto? I was obsessed with that game too. Oh, those days. Filled with what? Right. I used to work at the mall and blow my money on clothes. Okay, I might have to do a post on this too. I like this idea a lot. But what I really like is how content I am with my life right now. It is so full.

    Thanks for sharing, this was beautiful.

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  9. What a lovely post! I remember the moment I stopped make-believing but its funny because when you have kids it like that part of you is reborn.

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  10. You write things that manage to grab my heart almost every time. Yes, it does stick doesn't it?

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  11. i feel like i just stared at the most captivating and inspirational painting while reading your words. poetic and right to the core of things. loved it.

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  12. This post moved me to tears, I am in a very interesting place of self reflection and this post brings me back there.

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  13. Beautiful words as always. So raw and full of meaning...

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  14. So beautiful. So, so poignant.

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  15. So beautiful. I relate to this on so many levels.

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  16. i have a feeling that our pre-married with children lives were quite similar. always searching, always trying to find your niche, trying so hard to be comfortable with you.

    glad we both found something that sticks.

    xoxoxo

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  17. just beautiful.... felt as if I was reading something from my own past, I felt so connected. Are our souls grown up before ourselves, so it knows what we need, knows what to search for. As long as we listen, quietly?

    ps-love the pic of Ivy and your husband. The grip on his arm, those are the ones I love....

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  18. Oh yes it sticks. I absolutely love this post Stephanie. I agree with Arianne, growing old is beautifully hard. And it really is beautiful.

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  19. Oh yes it sticks. I absolutely love this post Stephanie. I agree with Arianne, growing old is beautifully hard. And it really is beautiful.

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  20. Beautiful. So glad you found the thing to stick, otherwise we'd have never known you!

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  21. Beautiful post and so incredibly true!

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  22. Jennifer FettermanApril 07, 2010 9:26 AM

    Want to let you know that I read you every day... almost never post... but felt compelled to say that I find you so inspirational... as I dig out from a tough writing job and the beautiful mess that 2 little girls make.

    You're a bright spot in my day. <3

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  23. I love it when I read your posts and can just feel it coming straight out of your heart. So beautiful. :)

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  24. What a great post. Thank you for writing so well what I was just thinking.

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  25. These other lovely commenters took the words right out of my mouth. This really is truly beautiful, Steph. You have such a gift and I'm so grateful that you share it with us.

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  26. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    Great pics too!

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  27. oh, i missed this.

    i remember throwing dreams at the wall.

    also, this makes me really think about how [no matter what] our kids will be grasping for something to stick. sigh, oh sigh.

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  28. I love this post, well said.

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  29. Favorited. I love love love this post. And I love that we both used to live off of sbarro cheese pizza. (while working in a mall, I presume?)

    I like this growing older.

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  30. Oh, this is just the most beautiful thing. Reading this was like a balm in a very chapped week!

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