Today has been one of those take a step forward take MANY steps backward... you know those days?
Oh sigh, I'm glad I actually have the motivation to even attempt to get a lot done but I think that frustrates me even more. I have all this drive and can not get ANYWHERE or anything done.
Pretty much any progress I make I turn around and that much more has been messed up in another room. It's nothing new, it's the same old story every Mom shrugs about.
I remind myself I have four kids and a job, and a husband that works long hours. It's hard, though. I should be able to do this.
I want to be able to do more than keep up. I want to be ahead!
But I can't even see the middle of the road, let alone the finish line.
Maybe it's the Venti latte I just had or the music playing right now or the breeze and the open window, but the pile of colored papers and stickers on the dining table makes me happy, really. It means we've had less TV time and more creative moments.
The dollies on the floor make my heart swell. I have a girl! And she plays with dollies.
The dishes in the sink, well, there's not much that makes me happy about that but I guess I am glad we use so many pots and pans- it means less convenience foods, it means meals are prepared here.
I wonder if motherhood has made me lazy, or apathetic to the dis-order.
Ivy and I sat and ran our fingers through buttons for the longest time the other day. Picking out the pretty ones, me teaching her colors, her showing me she knows not to put them in her mouth, me watching her turn from baby to girl.
I dry the tears from a broken cabbage plant, a school project that didn't quite survive the ride home on the bus. I put it in a pickle jar, and I'll try to save it.
I zip up a jacket, I velcro some shoes, I re-attach a Lego guy arm, I re-fill more juice, I re-place a battery, for the umpteenth time.
In the middle of finally tackling whatever it was I finally have a moment to do, everyone will want to go outside. And it's a beautiful day. And I choose who [or what] I say no to.
You know who wins.
I'll try again tomorrow or maybe the next day. Me in my pickle jar, watch me grow.