January 21, 2010

On separation anxiety

walkaways

I always thought when the mama bird nudges her children to the edge of the nest, watching them spread their feathers,

that it was for their own good. Part of growing up. Acquiring new skills, strengths, the use of their wings.

But I'm finding

that I think the one learning the [hard] lesson is

(whispers) the parent.

My skin doesn't fit, doesn't feel right when they're not with me.


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41 comments:

  1. I'm not going to lie, it has taken me over a year to feel like this and I only imagine this feeling growing stronger. I feel so incomplete during the day but I can never put my finger on exactly what it is. Walking into my toy strewn house, often with a grumpy toddler roaming about I feel like I can finally breath. Something I would have normally considered suffocating is now what gives me breath.

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  2. Agree with you 100%

    I have 2 little independent little goose. they spend their first 10 months in my arms, in our bed and practically on my chest and one day all the sudden, they wanted to sleep alone, play alone... it's hard letting it go!

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  3. I feel the same way especially when they first go off to school. Maybe that's why my boys are all 4 yrs apart. When it gets close to time for one to start school I have another baby. Ha! I finally figured it out!!! Don't tell my hubby!!!

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  4. I could not agree more. When I drop my son off at school my heart breaks and all day I feel like I am forgetting something. Like he should be there. Its tough!

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  5. I hear you. This is one of the many reasons why we home school. I never got over that feeling that my children belonged with me...to train, nurture, teach and protect. Everyone feels differently about it, of course. But I just knew that for me and our family, it was just RIGHT having them at home. I totally hear what you're saying! (((HUGS.)))

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  6. So true! I left my nursling who is almost one year old, for the first time last week, with daddy for 3 hours --- I was a mess! I really just prefer to have them all with me!

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  7. I know just how you feel!!!

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  8. I am the same way, seriously. I don't feel complete when I am not with my children. I even feel guilty if I take one child to the park, and not the other. When my oldest son started kindergarten this year, I had the worst case of anxiety ever. That first day, when he bravely took his teacher's hand and went into school, I cried, loudly, and I felt so sad. I have terrible separation anxiety when I'm away from my children. I work full-time as well, but thankfully, my mom/mom-in-law do the looking after for us. That makes it easier for me, but still...

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  9. Yes true its me who is already feeling seperatikon anxiety not my newly one year old :(

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  10. Yes yes yes. I've found that this is a big reason why loss is so hard...the longing for her with me. Knowing I have to wait, the longing is even stronger.

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  11. It is absolutely very difficult to release being the parent even when your children are grown up. Terry went in to have a lazer fix for a tear in his retina and I had to resist insisting going with him and Jen.

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  12. I am right there with you. I love having my 7 month old attached to me in the sling while holding my toddlers hand. They are my life.

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  13. This is how I so often feel...today I am home, sick, from work. My son is at the sitter's, husband at work. I miss them both and even though I need the rest, I wouldn't mind him being here, cuddled up against me (as long as he sleeps too).

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  14. It's true. It's so hard to breathe right now, when I'm away from them. I spend nine hours with my breath bunched in my chest, my heart racing, until I can finally, finally feel right again.

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  15. you are right on again woman! i feel incomplete when my baby is not near me. picking her up after work is the BEST part of my day, and getting to spend all day with her is the BEST part of the weekends... xo

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  16. Yes. One of the many {many} reasons we are a homeschooling family. I'm not myself when they are not with me.

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  17. Isn't this the truth. I have struggled with panic and a sick stomach over the thought of having to put J in daycare if I ever had to take a day job.

    You know, 3 hours at MDO 2 days a week was nice...b/c I could run to the store, take a shower, then pick him up.

    But ALL DAY LONG....I just don't know about that at all.

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  18. I could not agree with you more! Truly!

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  19. So true! Why must we continue to learn all these lessons?:)lol!

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  20. I understand; we are looking at preschools for AJ right now, and it is all I can do to not grab him and run out in the middle of the preschool tour! :)

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  21. So true. Remember what it was like before baby(babies), to just be one person, by yourself?

    Yeah, I can't remember it either.

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  22. YES. YES.

    There are days when my mind is screaming for a break and then I get one and all I can do is think of my children.

    Bri

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  23. I agree. My children are marching gleefully towards independence, and I am surprised by how much harder the whole thing is than I expected it to be.

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  24. Oh My! I can totally relate! I am having a really hard time (as a newly SAHM/WAHM LOVING this time with my DD's!) considering preschool for older DD next year...homeschool? Hmmmm...

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  25. I know what you mean. My son will be going to preschool half days in the Fall and I'm already feeling anxious. I guess we have to take it as it comes. :D

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  26. I an right with you sister!

    I hate it when people say things like I don't let her grow up... Sry at 2.5 I don't think K2 is ready for a sleep over... Maybe when she weans we'll talk. Just not now...

    Oh my heart just skipped thinking about it!

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  27. I know exactly where your coming from! I just posted about the same thing the other day. I had one out of three children and could not get ok with it! Crazy!

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  28. this is just one of the reasons i choose to home school.... i LOVE your blog by the way!!!

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  29. totally have tears in my eyes.

    my skin doesn't fit then either. i don't know what to do what that. (but, you already know that.)

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  30. Oh I agree.

    This is why I sob when I watch Finding Nemo.

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  31. Yes.

    I can't sleep without tucking the covers back over tiny shoulders--one, two, three times.
    Watch the little chests rise and fall.

    Not because THEY need it.
    Because I do.

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  32. GREETINGS AND FAITHFUL SAYINGS:
    Greetings to one and all: In that most precious name. That name which is above every name, the name: "Jesus" ____There's tremendous power in that name. I'd suppose we'll never fully realize all that can truly be accomplished, by us simply calling out that name in true faith.____There's an old, old, gospel song that goes like this: Faith in the Father, faith in the Son, faith in the Holy Spirit, great victories are won. Demons will tremble and sinners will awake, faith in Jehovah will anything shake.____For you who have never come into this realization, if you're reading this, just give him a welcome into your heart and life. You will both feel and see an awesome difference. You will have also purchased the ticket to heaven (by accepting, therefore making him welcome to come into your life. You will also sup from His cup that contains living water. (As did the woman at the well of Bethesda.) John 4:10____Much love, ____Your brother in Christ Jesus, who is both our Lord, and Savior.____www.eloquentbooks.com/BeyondTheGoldenSunsetAndByT... "http://www.eloquentbooks.com/OffToVisitTheProphetElijah____" ...

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  33. So true. I got a "day off" several weeks ago -- my husband shooed me out the door, encouraged me to have a day for myself. I got a hair cut, tried to do a bit of shopping, then headed home early because I was missing my little guy. It just felt...odd...having an empty car seat and no one chattering at me from the seat in the shopping cart.

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  34. So true. How can something that can drive you so crazy, also breathe so much life into you? It's just when I get out on my own, that I find it's not as satisfying as I'd expected..and I would just rather be home in the chaos.

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  35. Beautifully written (as always).

    I'm sort of dreading the day...when I will have to let go. Little by little, I guess...

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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  36. It's so hard to make that nudge...I think in a lot of cases they jump without the nudge.

    But, their return makes it so worth it: seeing the happiness in their faces at being reunited, and hearing about their experiences in their own words without being able to use your perspective to fill in the gaps.

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  37. That is why mine never do *wink*. Even my teens are still with me all of the time.

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