me me me it's all for meeeeee.

I am about to conquer one of the largest mountains of dirty dishes I've ever let grow in my sink (and spread to my countertop and maybe even across my stove). It's been chilly here and so I baked homemade beer bread and cookies and some other recipes I found for lunch today and we, like, EAT MEALS and there are a lot of us and so now every bowl and pan has piled up.

The boys had to use the really big spoons for their cereal today. Which they ate in fancy salad bowls.

A couple weeks ago I finally snapped and guess what? NOW I am getting a dishwasher!

My friend Love (yes that is her name isn't it lovely?) was having a big sale to raise funds to bring home her two babies from Uganda. And Sarah saw the dishwasher and they all thought of me right away!

And the best part? Ok, one of the best parts... it matches my fridge!

Think of all the time I will have now.

When Frigidaire GAVE me the Gallery refrigerator to keep (in exchange for a few posts like this one), they encouraged me to think about all the Me-Time I'd now have. I thought about how much more time I'd have to do dishes! And laundry. And straightening and picking up all the things needing picked up constantly throughout the day. And sorry I have to go there but the bathrooms... four males live in the house. I won't say more.

But really, that is NOT stuff that I think should qualify as good things to fill up with my ME time.

I've picked up my knitting needles again. I am writing more than ever. I'm reading BOOKS! And watching movies with hubby. Hanging out with friends. Lying in the grass with my camera. Star gazing during my conversations with God.

Now that is what I call Me time. What would you do in your perfect "Me time"?

But, I still like to get my chores done before I play so I better get washing. We're out of spoons.

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Hang On I'm Totally Tweeting This

Someone nominated me and then someone(s) voted for me and somehow I ended up on @PRsarahevans' list of Top 50 Tweeple To Follow 2009!

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And The Other Children Even Make An Appearance!

Surely you've not tired of watching Ivy walk?

Walking Around from Stephanie Precourt on Vimeo.

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My 13-year old self would be appalled.

Beth and I originally decided to stay an extra night in Minneapolis so that we could go to the Mall of America. We ended up both agreeing that maybe we should just hang out and rest instead. I realized why my Mom and Aunt Diane never wanted to go to the mall or get out or do something when I was younger and I was bored out of my mind. They liked to sit around and talk. And rest.

I totally get it now.

Last night we had a nice dinner with Heather at the hotel and laughed until we cried and then oh look at the time it was nine pee em! We retired to our room and watched a little bit of Friends in bed and then took our glasses off and went to sleep. And we slept all night. I have no regrets being an old lady. I need my sleep.

I got home today and put Ivy in the bath. Then we came outside to watch for the school bus.

While I was gone Carter lost one of his front teeth. Noah grew seventeen inches and Gray learned a foreign language. Or so it seemed.

And Ivy will soon be running in marathons.

It's going so fast. Just yesterday I was a teenager bored out of my mind and now I am old.

Old has many benefits.

click on photo for larger view

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I Really Miss My Kids *PS!

That is all.




P.S.

I meant that is all I am going to post.

Not that is all I miss.

Last night Heather & Beth & I were talking about that girl who was kidnapped for 18 years. We let our minds go there, thinking about our own children. And I ached for mine. Their innocence and their love.

I can't wait to be home to my family and my wonderful hubby. He has been giving me the best updates while I've been away. I miss him very much.



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You Are Here

Ivy dancing at the Mill City Museum, site of the very first mill of General Mills. You could see the Mississippi River from outside the windows.

We got back to our hotel around 9 and it's 10 now. I feel like it is 2 in the morning. So I am going to sleep. Big day tomorrow, I hear, with lots of things to eat. Can not wait. But for now, sleep.


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Where Are You Going?

Today we fly away to new lands. Well, new-to-me lands. I've never been to Minnesota. That's where we're headed.

I'm attending the Eat & Greet blog event hosted by General Mills, and I would like to give you some back story.

I had already unofficially decided that I wouldn't go on any more blogger trips unless it involved my whole family. I've turned down some really tempting invitations recently, but I know without a doubt that right now I need to be at home. For both me and my family.

However, my childhood has deep roots in General Mills. My grandparents retired from there, and all growing up we lived and breathed General Mills. Went to the company picnics every summer. Were spoiled with all the prizes we could ever want out of the cereal boxes (if they dropped on the floor, they had to be "thrown out") -so we had a zillion super balls, packs of Carefree gum, and little bags of Skittles and Starburst.

I'll never forget the smell of the plant where my grandparents made cereal for 36 years. It smelled like you were inside a giant box of Cheerios.

When my Poppal found out I was invited to visit the General Mills headquarters, he jumped out of his chair. And I know he'd give anything to be able to come with us.

So, for my family, I feel like this trip is extremely appropriate. I also get to travel with my bestie Beth, and we're staying an extra night to hang out with Heather & Jennifer since we'll practically be in their backyard.

I'll admit that I am looking forward to Ivy falling asleep and having quiet time all to myself in the hotel room. Maybe I'll get caught up on emails and work and maybe I'll just take time for myself. I like having options.

It will be a nice, much-needed break. Because when I get back, I'm back for good.


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There's Nothing Hairy In My Fridge

Ivy and I are leaving for a two-night trip tomorrow and today I stocked up the fridge with all my boys' favorite goodies. I thought this would be a good time, too, to check in on the new Frigidaire. [For a recap, Frigidaire gave me a brand new Frigidaire Gallery to keep, in exchange for a few posts about my experience and their More Me-Time Guarantee.]

As I was putting everything away, I realized that since I've gotten the new fridge, I've been way better (waaaaaay better) at disposing of leftovers, expired foods, moldy things... you know. (You do know, right?)

The Gallery doesn't have many blindspots, so my fridge is pretty much always clean. And since I've had it, there's not been one un-identifiable thing growing in there. Yet.

I really had to get used to the way the shelves were positioned and spaced, and originally thought it was a drawback. What I have found is that it actually has the most usable shelf space compared to other counter depth side-by-side models, allowing me to keep a good inventory on everything in there which has come in very handy during my make-whatever-we-have-on-hand dinners. (Which happens a lot.)


So I just showed you the inside of my fridge! And I just might have kept some of our guilty pleasures from your view (they were in the door.) And the freezer just might be stocked with lots of convenient dinner options for Daddy to make while I am gone. I do always make sure we have lots of green and red grapes and strawberries. We eat lots of veggies & dip, too. And chips and salsa (you can see my new favorite- Mike Ditka's Beach Bum salsa (who knew?) up there.)

And, even though I just went to the store and filled this fridge and all my cabinets, I have absolutely no clue what I'm making for dinner. Oh, and I haven't even started packing either.


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disaster

Yesterday I had so much to do in so little time. Not that I had something super important going on- mainly counters full of dirty dishes and some writing deadlines. Oh, and being a Mom.

I had just taken a break from drying dishes and was going to send a Tweet about my latest post at Real Moms Guide (my thoughts about breastfeeding in public), so I was sitting with my laptop by our back window when I heard a boom and looked outside to see a BIG part of our fence fall down. I immediately thought a car must've hit it, and called 911. Then I thought to myself I hope it wasn't just the wind!

And it wasn't.

Not the side that fell down, this is the part the car drove through.

An [elderly] lady had hit another car, lost control, and hit our fence and then drove through another part of our fence and then backed out and ended up on the other side of our yard. Or something. I didn't see it all happen but it looked like a tornado came through.

And I am so so very thankful, still shaken up about it, that the kids weren't home from school yet. Because the first thing they do is go outside to practice golf right in the very spot that the car came through.

This is the toy Ivy was playing with in the photo here. I found it mangled in the street.

Both drivers were ok. One car was towed away. I'm hoping the fence company can come make repairs very soon (our poor fence has gaping wounds and a toothy sad smile), and I hope the insurance transaction is quick and uneventful.

I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I kept thinking about how dangerous it was that I let the kids play so close to that part of the fence. Would I have reacted soon enough if Ivy had been down there?

It doesn't matter now. All is ok. Thank goodness all is ok.

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This

In just a few weeks Ivy will be one year old. I came across this post from when she turned one week old. I'm holding it tight today.

The Sound So Sweet

She is one week old today. How can it be? It seems as though we were waiting forever and preparing and rushing for Ivy to arrive and now she's here and teaching me to slow down.

Because I had her right here at home I never had to regain my sea legs. I never lost them in the first place. It's surreal to replay it in my mind as I do over and over.

We went from a family of five to a family of six without ever leaving my bedroom. And time, for a while, seemed to stop in the warmth of our happiness and love and life.

And when time started up again, it took a slower pace.

A fly tapped against the window early this morning before the sun came up. Would I have noticed it before? I bring Ivy to my chest and breathe in the quiet. The breeze through the screen tells early tales of autumn. Soft sighs chirp from this bundle of sleepy baby in my arms.

I've called on God's guidance in these calm moments more than ever. Lord, let me mother my daughter according to Your will. His whispers are heard so clearly when I let go of the busy.

She may be new, but she brings with her presence old stories and songs with a lazy rhythm. Appreciate the silence, Mama. This stillness is for you and me.

And this is the stuff of life.

Originally posted September 22, 2008.


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A different kind of church

I spent this morning with my parents & grandparents. We had a big country breakfast and Grayson seriously ate his weight in pancakes and bacon I am not kidding. There were several witnesses.

We looked through old photographs and they watched the kids play and Ivy toddle all over the place.

We weren't in a church, but I wouldn't say there wasn't any church and fellowship going on.

Possibly nothing ministers to my grandparents more than seeing people eat. And just having people over. And watching the kids play with the toys they found for them at yard sales. And getting hugs and blow kisses and watching them eat some more.

There are so many people, important people, in our lives, in His kingdom, that go forgotten or skipped over or put off because we have others to show our service to...

or whatever.

I strongly felt called this morning to take care of my own. So I did.

So I will.


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Just A Peek

I am having much fun with the new camera. I have found that I notice things like the light coming into the window in the bathroom and I grab it and just snap away. I still have no idea what I am doing, but I will get there. I just have to keep taking pictures. So I will.

This is my first favorite photo I've taken with this camera. I am sure there are more to come. And I almost thought I couldn't really share it here, but added a little graphic via Picnik so that I could give you a little peek (including one of my favorite things about Ivy- her sweet little birthmark)...

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There She Goes Again

Ivy Walking from Stephanie Precourt on Vimeo.

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There She Goes

click on photo for larger view

She's walking!

Pretty Hanna Andersson sundress, a gift from Mimi. Adorable hat, a gift from Aura Knits & more.


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This Day Deserves

The clouds were the sand- like that artist that moved it with her hands and the stars were the ocean. The sky was so beautiful that I had to peek outside one more time before I went in for the night.

The boys trotted up the stairs with their too long legs in their too short pajama pants. We prayed together. For the first day of school, for kindness and gentleness and to be loving, and to make the right decisions. Father God, help us to sit right like Miss Brenda tells us on the bus. We were thankful for new beginnings. I even put new sheets on the beds.

We all are ready for a new beginning.

I'll surprise them with their favorite breakfast and treats in their lunchboxes. In a week the novelty will wear off and we'll just make do with what we have on hand that morning.

But this day.

This day is a new beginning. This day deserves the fanfare and a photo and a little extra squeeze in my hug, Off you go.

Off you go now.


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I'm calling it: today is going to be a good day.

It is the last day of summer vacation. All five hundred of my kids are still sleeping. I am up and actually dressed. Ok, not wearing any undergarments I ADMIT but I am not in pajamas. I will probably edit this out.

I'm closely watching the video monitor on Ivy in bed and rolled our two huge cans out to the curb for garbage/recycling pick up. And then quietly made myself an iced chai with rice milk and whipped cream and cinnamon and a straw.

And that's about as far as I got. Everyone's up now.


PS if you've arrived here from AlphaMom today looking for my homebirth story, here ya go!


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Ivyspeak

I haven't posted a video of Ivy in a while. Probably the next one will be of her walking. She is THISCLOSE (and took many steps to her brothers last night!)

But for now, here's a bit of her babbling and this little pelvic booty rock dance thing she does (and I admit that her favoritest song in the whole world is the Spongebob Squarepants theme song oh yes it is.)

Ivyspeak from Stephanie Precourt on Vimeo.

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At least I am wearing undergarments.

I am a praying woman. I know God and I know miracles but I have just been delivered by a carbohydrate.

I'm dressed in a black tee, my comfy black gauchos that are finally too big on me but I am still wearing them, pulling them up every time I stand, and black flip flops. It's my normal uniform but not what I'd usually wear outside of the house as it is pretty much pajamas. At least I am wearing undergarments.

I've burrowed into a two-person booth at Panera Bread so that I can get some work done and possibly summon my sanity to GET IT TOGETHER.



I started to hear the sound of a hundred old corroded rubberbands crackling as they were pulled, even ever so gently today, within my mind. Throughout my entire body crickcrack-lesnap.

The kids have been sick, I was sick, then we were all well. Then last night I had just gotten deep into a sleep that was hugging me so tight in a warm cozy blanket and you know... the kid in the TOP BUNK who was JUST SICK EXACTLY ONE WEEK AGO was sick again. This time he really outdid himself his pillowcase went straight into the garbage.

I bathed him. I loved him. I washed his hair even though it was disgusting and I smiled and caressed him. I made him sleep in the hallway by the bathroom.

I washed his bedding. I felt sorry for myself. I went to bed.

This morning I cleaned and did more laundry and decided I was going to leave! I had to get out of there! I nursed the baby and should have left then when she went down for her nap but I did more laundry and straightened up and then it was lunch time and I fed people and when she woke up I fed her and then it was clean up time and I can't leave all those dishes in the sink.

I will make my escape after I do all the dishes, I promised myself.

I showed those dishes who's boss.


I am savoring this frozen caramel drink that's pretty good. All I care is that it has whipped cream and this really huge straw. I am setting up my Real Moms Guide account, joining the community there, as part of my new position.

Things have been so tight sotight, as I know it is for everyone right now. I'm feeling guilty about buying this chocolate pastry. So guilty I might need to go up and get another one. We've actually been trying to think of ways I could go out and get a part time job without having to wean Ivy. In a flurry blur of morning events yesterday I got a job. Writing for the Real Moms Guide starting like, now.

I know- another community to join and register for... but there are articles there (that I'll be writing!) and it's also a way for you to express yourself and offer or seek advice apart from Twitter or your blog or Facebook, keeping it from the eyes you might not want to see it (like your in-laws or "friends") and hopefully away from the drama.

.

I'm just starting out right now, joining the groups and such, and I think you can submit stories of your own to be featured and stuff. So if that's your kind of thing, make your way over there and find me (I'm AdventuresInBabywearing). I'll let you know when my articles are published, too.


The restaurant has cleared out immensely and I am tempted to crawl into the booth across from me and take a nap. But I have to go to Target and get more laundry detergent. And I'll probably pick up something easy there to make dinner for the kids. And then feed them. And then clean the kitchen. And then put them to bed and you know what, it isn't feeling all that overwhelming to me now.

I need to step outside more.

Deep breaths.

It's all going to be ok. And I'll take another chocolate pastry to go, please.


edit: PS I added a Babywearing Moms group at RMG and that would be a great place to ask me your babywearing questions!


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Gratitude

I asked if he'd like some grapes and he said No, thank you, but I appreciate your offering.


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She has a way about her

She does a little dance, it's so girly.

I have a girl.

She is eleven months old. Pinch me.


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I'm Glad We Had This Talk

Sometimes I don't love you, he says.

I don't even flinch. I understand.

He feels so much, so big, in this little body. He's only three. I know he always loves me. Maybe sometimes doesn't like me.

I say No so much and if he could just fathom it's always for his own good, if he could hear my heart pleading with the wind, saying No to the clock and many many other things, for God to make this time stop, or at least slow it down a little. I am not doing so good.

We plan for when the big kids start school next week. We'll take all their pillows he whispers and make a house on my bed.

We'll read more books and he'll be calm and touch my hair I promise we'll read more books and go to the zoo and finally see the dinosaur bones at the museum. I'll make it all up to him because there is still time.


You Capture Motion.


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All The Babies In The House Say HAAY

Ivy's groovy outfit is WonderKids by KmartDesign, given to us during our styling session at BlogHer.


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A Beautiful Mess

Thank you so much for the well wishes. We are doing better. I'm not sure how I am functioning on such odd sleep, to be honest. The kids- they tag teamed me. Yesterday there was a bit of a reprieve as we all walked about in slow motion and rested, hardly ate, and slept what we didn't sleep the night before.

But then last night it started again- Gray was sick and so I was up all night with him. At 5 am it was him, me, & Ivy up and I did laundry and put out fresh blankets and was thankful for the amazing motheradrenaline that kicks in when you have nothing left to go on.

After a while I got them both back to sleep this morning, and myself, too. There was a moment where everything was quiet and the morning sunlight crept into my room. And I felt peace all around us. It was the most amazing feeling to fall asleep to.

What appears in the photo above is something I have looked at from my bed the past few days. For some reason, looking at it brought me comfort. It didn't remind me that I forgot to hang up Ivy's dress or put my necklace in my jewelry box. I thought it all hanging there was quite pretty. So, while sick, I took a picture.

You can even see me in the doorknob's reflection. And my unmade bed. My beautifully messy unmade bed, life, soul, and body.


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Uhhhhhhh

That's me, moaning.

Last night was possibly the longest period of time in my existence. Every time I stood up, I felt sick and if I wasn't 100% sure that I was not pregnant (I am) (100% sure I mean) then I would swear this was morning sickness.

But then it hit Carter. And so a long night of towels and blankets making a path everywhere. I eventually just set up a bed outside the bathroom for Carter and I tried to get some sleep. Of all nights, Ivy thought it was PLAYTIME.

Noah's hunched over in the bathroom now.

Today. I just need to make it through today.

And I guess this stomach flu is perfect timing for that diet I've been meaning to start.


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oh, camera (part two)

Where did I leave off?

Friday I had my "new" old camera, and used the rest of my gift card to buy Noah's shoes. I was completely content. I do admit that I had hope in my heart that I would somehow have enough money to upgrade to that awesome deal on the Nikon D60 within 30 days (the store's policy.)


To my really big surprise, last night someone very close to me had felt it on their heart to bless me with the camera I was hoping for.



These photos were the first shots taken with my new Nikon D60. I have so much to learn, especially with editing and oh there are a lot of buttons! but I am eager and excited.

And yes I put Ivy in the same dress as the other day because I love that dress so much.

Ivy and Grampa. (My very wonderful Father-in-law.)

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oh, camera

[Ivy LaRue, 10 months]

[Grayson Roger, 3 1/2]

[Carter Wilson, 7 years]

[Noah Jeffrey, 8 1/2]

So I got a new camera.

Over a week ago I ruined mine- it wasn't anything super special but was a great camera for me (a Canon Powershot SX110is). I had hoped to upgrade to a nicer one- maybe even an SLR but we just can't afford that right now. And believe me I was trying to work the numbers.

Friday night I couldn't wait any longer. I had a gift card that could buy the same camera I just broke. That would do. I know how to use it, and it was a good camera. I was tempted SO tempted to upgrade to a Nikon D60 then and there because they had a really good deal, but I'd have to go into debt for it, even if it wasn't that much, it was what I didn't have. And Noah had holes in his shoes. Holes! So I bought my "new" old camera with the gift card and had enough left over to get him the shoes he really wanted for back to school.

I know in my heart I did the right thing.

But the story, oh story, doesn't end here...


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Always Know You Are Beautiful

I know she won't, but I still hope she does.


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HOW do you lose two brand new pairs of jeans?

Have you ever lost something and you can SEE IT and you KNOW exactly where you put it, you just can't REMEMBER?

Like poof. It's gone and so is your memory.

I had two gift cards for a free pair of Gap jeans from Gap, GapKids, or BabyGap that I got from the lovely gals in the Brand About Town suite at BlogHer. They were kind to give them to me so I could give them away and share some swag with you all and I made sure to put them in a safe spot. I packed them when we left BlogHer and I remember unpacking them when I got home. But after that, it all becomes kinda hazy.

I just ransacked my house looking for them. Thinking both is this really worth it and how am I going to word my email to Brand About Town that I've lost their jeans.

I checked my car, suitcases, envelopes, five thousand re-usable bags, pockets, purses, the fridge in the garage and under the bathroom sink.

GUESS WHAT? I found them!

In the cereal cabinet. Of course! Right next to the Kashi and honey nut Cheerios.

Don't even ask...

Just leave a comment here if you'd like to win a free pair of jeans ok? I worked REALLY hard for them.

Each card is for a free pair of Gap jeans up to $69.50 value at any Gap, GapKids, BabyGap, & GapMaternity in store, but not online. I just checked and it does say valid in the U.S. only. (I promise my next giveaway will be open to everyone!)

Gap just launched their 1969 Premium Jeans Collection and you can read more here about Patrick Robinson, the creative director of Gap. It's no secret I've long been a fan of Gap Long & Leans (even had a couple pairs in maternity) and I am neither Long nor Lean but they are like magic pants and I pray they never ever take that style away.

I'll choose two winners at random after 11:59 PM Monday August 10.

One comment per person, any old comment will do, nothing else required, yadda yadda. I'm still so super annoyed they were in my cereal cabinet.

Oh life.


Contest has ended! Congrats to Celeste & JJ Keith

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(not required for entry)

Cold Fried Chicken

It's funny the places your mind wanders when you can't sleep or get comfortable in the middle of the night, a frequent and understandable circumstance with me lately. Especially since all three boys stayed at Mimi's last night and everything felt so out of balance and off and like limbs missing again despite the wonderful quiet and calmness this morning.

I found myself thinking about one of my very first childhood friends and staying the night at her house. They had a book-filled shelf in their kitchen and on one of the shelves were two tiny jars that contained my friend's and her little sister's umbilical cord stump. For breakfast one morning we ate cold fried chicken straight out of the fridge and I had never known you could eat fried chicken cold. And it was good. Her parents were cool and drove a Trans Am and let us dance to Prince in the living room and also took us to Dairy Queen one day where I had my very first Blizzard. Chocolate covered cherry. They would go on fun family vacations to Florida (we never went on vacations unless it was to visit family in the hills somewhere) and my Mom would feed their fish and hamsters while they were gone.

One day her parents got a divorce and all I knew that meant was they were moving far away and I never saw her again.

Another friend a couple years later was an only child and she had Guess jeans in every color. She could listen to music in her room with her door closed and even had a tv. Her Mom made tuna sandwiches, which I also had never eaten before, and she would cut them in perfect squares. She would also boil bones on the stove from the Beef Mart for their dog. The house always smelled like boiled dog bones. And one night I slept over but woke up in the middle of the night really homesick and my Mom came and got me.

Later on, her parents got a divorce, too.

I probably would go home every time from those friends' houses and tell my Mom all the cool things they had that I didn't. The things their parents did that mine didn't. And life can always seem more exciting and fun when it's not your house and not your family.

But, looking back, my house was always safe, and I always had plenty. More than enough. I hope my boys, and soon- little girl, feel the same way. I hope our home and our arms are ultimately the only place they truly want to be, in the end. I hope their hearts always have that compass that points to the stuff that really matters.

That's if I ever let them go to a friend's house. We're still working on that.

Originally posted August 31, 2008... a request from Christy, a kind reader.


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Confessions Of A Breastfeeding Mother

I just added it up in my head- I've nursed my children a combined time of 5 1/2 years. And of course I don't plan on Ivy weaning any time soon so I could make it into the seven year mark. I only took a very short break between nursing Gray (he breastfed 2 1/2 years) and having Ivy. He weaned a few months before I had her. (He even stopped for a while when I had really bad morning sickness and then started up again.) I admit that I know he would have nursed longer, but I found it to be difficult and too uncomfortable for me late in pregnancy. And as wonderful as I've heard tandem nursing can be, I also confess that I was ready to only nurse a newborn by that time.

One thing that I've always felt cheated about with breastfeeding is the "promise" that it uses up extra calories and the baby weight falls right off. I always keep on extra padding all over when I'm still breastfeeding. Especially in my arms and face. And then it's like right when they wean I finally lose those final clinging pounds. But I'm not really complaining because it is so so worth it.

I have never used a breast pump. I have never left my nursing child long enough that they needed a bottle. The thought of it makes my heart race and my knees shake. This is just me.

While I'm confessing, here's an embarrassing breastfeeding moment from a while back:

When Gray was just a newborn, hubby and I were at a wedding in a very large, old Catholic church. During the ceremony I needed to feed the baby, and since you could hear every little rustle or shoe click in that place, I thought I should take him in the back just in case he made too much noise. I walked into the first open room I found with a chair, sat down, and began nursing right away. I looked up, and to my horror- I was in the confessional! Now, I am not Catholic and have only seen these things in the movies, but I knew what it was and was afraid I would get thrown out of there if someone found out! I hopped up so quickly and searched for a less sacrilegious nursing area. When I got back to my seat I tried to whisper to hubby what had happened, but I got the church giggles and was laughing too hard! (This story originally published June 29, 2006)


Ivy has started to crawl up to me and ask to nurse and I love this age. She'll be busy and come seek me, and slow down and get in my arms. Sometimes I just sit there on the floor with her. Her eyes roll back. She plays with my hair, my necklace. She is comforted and so am I. So am I.


It's World Breastfeeding Week. Read more of my breastfeeding posts here.

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This Is The Day

Today. I wanted to lie around reading The Time Traveler's Wife.

I wished that everyone would sleep until noon, or maybe all day long.

Today was one of those quick! pile the kids in the car in a hurry to drive to Starbucks kinda day.

This morning was a flurry of tearing the house apart looking for the iron to press my husband's dress shirt. I don't do ironing. That's why we have the Dry Cleaners. Last time I used it was for a craft project. I found it in the closet under a stack of beach towels.

The kids wanted to play outside and taking my book out there wasn't working, couldn't keep enough eye balls on the baby, so I decided to grab the gardening gloves I bought last week (or two weeks ago?) I had hoped the act of buying these gloves would be just the nudge I needed to actually weed the flower bed, or the big pile of hot mess outside my window or whatever you'd call it. Right now it's a bunch of prickly weeds and sticks and I swear there is an evergreen growing in there now.

About ten minutes in I finger-swept a rock out of Ivy's mouth and I had Noah fetch the Yellow Pages. I am now waiting on a call from the professionals.

I'm so bummed about my camera. I hate that it's like all I have on my mind. So stupid. I'm antsy about which one to buy next and I keep daydreaming that someone wants to upgrade and will sell me theirs. (Anyone?) And Ivy has a new dress to wear but I can't photograph her in it and do you know how this tortures my soul?

Today I panicked thinking Gray had finally done gone and run away (today I was "not the best Mom ever" because the fair ended.) He wasn't outside, not in the playroom or down in the basement. He was in his bed napping, of course, where I put him.

I swept the kitchen after they were all in bed tonight and I sighed, thankful for our home no matter how disarrayed. It's a shelter. For us.

Who am I to lament the day I did not create? I only live in it. I am so blessed to live in it.

In a couple moments I will grab that book and read what I can until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and then it will be tomorrow. Another day.


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It Was Nice Meeting You... BLOGHER '09

The cards Rick from Tiny Prints surprised me with when we met. On the back was all my contact info. I had so much fun receiving other bloggers' cards and handing these out. (Photo by Crooked Eyebrow... my poor camera took a swim in lemonade at the fair.)

This is Haley, one of the sa-weetest people you could ever meet. Here we are outside the People's Party. I'm so blessed to finally be able to hug Haley in real life.

Wearing Ivy in one of my gorgeous Sakura Bloom slings*, pictured with my beautiful friend Farrah wearing her son Caden. Photo by Beth Fletcher.

With the lovely Elaine and her darling baby girl bump in the hotel lobby.

On the red carpet at BowlHer, with dear friends Sarah & Amy. Wearing another Sakura Bloom sling*. Photo by Deb.

At the Cheeseburgher party with my Indiana homies Casey & Emily.
Photo by Rick Bucich

I know there are lots more. I can't wait to see the photos that keep being added on Flickr. I don't think I am a vain person, but I love taking my picture with people I love! So if you have a picture with me, send it my way so I can see it, mkay?

Also, a blogging friend that wasn't at BlogHer but you still might know her and need to be aware of her bloggy move- Jaymi from FlipFlopMomma now calls Sticks & Stones her home. Make sure you update your feeds!


*These slings were gifted to me from Sakura Bloom and I wasn't asked to link to them but they are so so very lovely, I couldn't resist.


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life's a beach

In all my years I've never understood why anyone would want to spend the day at the beach. I love the beach at sunset, with a walk along the shore. But what do you do a whole day long?

I totally get it now.

Originally posted August 2, 2008.

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Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da

Tonight I drove with the windows down and music playing that reminded me of outdoor summer concerts twelve years ago. It smelled like trees and mosquitoes and night. Did I ever tell you back then I had a convertible? Because I did.

I drive the same roads I drove before, but this night there is a baby sleeping in the back.


The other day I was rushing the excited kids out the door to get to the fair to ride some more rides and one of them did something very mean to another and it jolted our excitement. It made me yell. And I sent him to his bed and wondered what to do. How could I let him go some place fun when he just did something so disobedient?

Having several kids can get tricky when it comes to time outs and discipline. Often the others get second-hand punished. And me, too.

I didn't want to barter. I wanted there to be consequences. But I'm no good at this. This was a glaring example of how not good I am at this.

There was true remorse and repentance on his part. I believed it, too. And so we were off to the fair as planned, just a little later and a little less high.

The car radio sang to us the Beatles "...life goes on, bra!"

I drive the same roads, but it's different every time.


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