whatever you want to call it: Ivy (15 months) sleeps with me, has slept with me since the day she was born, and will continue to sleep with me for a while, and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
Often bedtime is the only time I finally get a moment to myself. I admit, many days I can't WAIT for the kids to go to bed.
Like, for real, sometimes it's what I look forward to all day.
Until now, it was going pretty well. We have a routine bed time, we try to stay consistent as much as we can. Naps are no problem. Easy peasy.
It's night time that is the struggle. (and I even tried cutting out a nap and it still didn't help.)
I usually nurse her to sleep, or if I can tell she's especially tired, I'll lay her down and quietly let her know it's time for night-night. I put the video monitor by her and leave the room. Most of the time she drifts right off to sleep.
But lately, like the past week or so- maybe it's the holiday, maybe it's a growth spurt, maybe the moon is in its second house- WHO KNOWS- but she will NOT go to sleep, she won't even close her EYES!
(The past few nights) and last night I tried several times to put her to sleep, and she'd only cry or get down from the bed. Hubby tried. Several times. I eventually tried again, nursing her- she yawned, she was so tired, but her eyes remained open for at least an hour. So many times I was just SURE she was asleep and I looked down and there she was wide eyed looking at me or just off into space.
Sometimes she'll pop up and want to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider over and over (with hand motions) (it's so cute I might forget how much I want her to sleep and then I remember.)
I just lie there, no TV, no phone, nothing. Just trying to get her to sleep. Last night I was starting to lose my patience, and felt stressed out watching the clock go by in minutes, hours. My ME time and husband time wasting away.
I will NOT let her cry. It's not an option. I have my reasons.
Of course, I understand if she fusses a little or protests, but a real heart cry? Or calling for Mama needing me, or afraid? I can't-and will not- do it.
[You'd think by baby number 4 I'd have it all figured out but ohhhhh you are wrong, my friend.]
It's frustrating and exhausting, but I am 100% committed to my choice to parent this way. Choosing to co-sleep (or hahaha co-not-sleep) really does work for us- I never said it was perfect.
Eventually she falls asleep, and she stays asleep until morning.
I love her. It's worth it. I know I'm doing my best, and I'm wondering if I could do better.
Truth is, every child is different, and each child can change awake/sleep patterns while they are growing. It's an individual thing.
So it's not like you can fix my problem.
And many times it's because she's a really light sleeper. I'll finally get her to sleep and one of the boys will get up to go to the bathroom or come tell me how the wind is breathing too hard or someone will be too loud getting ice out of the fridge and she wakes up like it's time to start her day.
Maybe it's a fluke? (Shhh nobody move- she's actually asleep tonight.)
It helps to talk this out. It helps to explain WHY I'M SO TIRED.This is a season, and it won't be like this forever. (Right?) Am I all alone here? (I can't imagine I am...)
But in the meantime, while I'm in the midst of it, maybe I'm seeking kind, gentle no-cry/no-crib suggestions, oh wise ones?
Or just some co-sleeping co-mmiserating? :)
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