December 11, 2009

all is calm.

when did she grow up?


There hasn't been a moment to sit still. I made dozens and dozens and dozens of cookies and truffles for teacher gifts and finished my Christmas shopping (all online of course, mostly at etsy)

and freecycled some things and picked up some things from freecycle and I'm involved in the auction (that ends today) and finalization of the Triathlon

and a ton of other things I can't even tell you about yet and, oh, fit in being a Mom and writer so I've been staying up past 2 a.m. every night to sit at my computer and work in the fabulous quiet of my house.

2 a.m. is actually quite beautiful when everyone else is fast asleep. I'm a little addicted to it.

There's so much to be done. There's so much chaos around me.

But I feel calm.

sweetree


The kids busy themselves without me while I'm elbow deep in powdered sugar. So I spy and find them doing really sweet things like playing nicely together, or making up a new game or planning a new adventure in the bunk beds

and I

realize that it's not the moments they are on display for everyone to see, like when we meet new people, when we're walking into church, or in line at the grocery store. Their behavior in those times is not a reflection of my parenting (or shortcomings as a Mother).

It's these very moments, the ones when no one is watching. When you can see right in the window to what's true in their hearts and intentions, open and wide.

I peek and I beam and stifle teary giggles

and I

burst with love.

[And I think, I'm doing okay at this. ]

This is good.

This is really good.


christmas tree

And I

[think about who's watching me.]




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44 comments:

  1. Hi Steph. You are a beautiful and inspiring mother. I have recently become more of a babywearer (sp?) because of reading your blog. My one year old (today!) loves the ergo. Thank you for also reminding me to slow down and enjoy the quiet moments. Have a wonderful day.

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  2. beautiful post! And I too find it so peaceful in the wee hours of the morning. Ivy, as always, is so adorable.

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  3. Thank you! I feel the same way :) I know when we found out we were expecting #5 - unexpectedly, I had a little bit of a freak out. How was I supposed to do this? The baby will just be turning 2 before this new one comes. How will I keep up with everything? It was at this time my husband turned me toward the playroom to all 4 kids playing nicely and having fun and told me "We can do this" Gosh, I love that man!

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  4. So beautiful Steph, so true. And the pictures! Thank you for sharing these moments with us.

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  5. Your words, the pictures. Tears, Steph. Good ones. I love you.

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  6. This is a beautiful post. Thank you so much for the reminder at the end!

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  7. Such a beautiful way to view ourselves as mothers.

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  8. I love this post! The comments about the adventures in the bunk beds brought back memories. I am 7 and 10 years older than my youngest brothers and they had bunk beds. They both still vie for my attention (at nearly 16 and 18!) when I'm home and it was the same when they were little. Our favorite adventure on the bunkbeds was houseboat....putting blankets up hanging down from the top to make the inside darker (that's where flashlights come in) and you had to go up to the top to "fish".

    Now I'm looking forward to Christmas when they've insisted we do like we always did and have a sleepover. Me, my 26 year old husband and 2 teenage boys holed up in one room! It's going to be craziness!

    Love the photos! Sorry for rambling!

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  9. Beautiful words and beautiful pictures.

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  10. Steph. This is beautiful. I totally agree with you- when Evan plays by himself (RARE : ( ), I see his little world and how good he really is and it melts me. You are a fabulous writer and mother by the way, just thought I'd let you know.

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  11. I found your blog recently and love the way you see your family and then put your insights into sweet, simple words that ring clear like a bell.

    *shoulders release...ahhh*

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  12. It is those moments I feel most proud of being a mother... it's moments like that, looking up and seeing my kids playing nicely together, or alone, just in their own little world, and my heart, too, swells with pride and love and it's an amazing feeling.
    What a beautifully written post! Thank you for writing this so well....

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  13. And this is the way this time of year should be...calm. I love this post! Ivy's innocent look at the tree is so sweet.

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  14. She looks so precious in her headband! LOVE! You ooze calmness, even when your world is spinning around!

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  15. Ah, Stephanie, beautiful as always. I love it. Just so you know, They Might Be Giants are doing a kids tour right now, they had their kids show just right after ours!

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  16. This touched my heart so deeply.

    You are a fabulous Mother...and this is just the thing I needed to read today.

    : )

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  17. Thank you so much. I needed to read that last line. I feel the same way although I only have 1 child to take care of. Like I can never catch up. Thanks for reminding me to slow down.

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  18. How come you make me so happy.
    So inspired.
    And so very REMINDED?

    You are so gifted Steph, and I am glad you blog.



    That is all.

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  19. seriously - you have been so very busy lately!

    Love everything you're doing. You inspire me daily.

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  20. Lovely post.

    It is much (much!) more important what goes on when no one is looking. People can hide and fake things in public for a little while, but true character and integrity are what happens when no one's looking.

    And sometimes, I forget Who is looking at me. And I get wrapped up in thinking my worth is based somewhere here on earth. Silliness.

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  21. You state truths of motherhood so incredibly beautifully. This post is particularly so.

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  22. You're a great mother, I don't know how you do it! Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with my 2 girls, but you have 4 kids, and seem to do so great with all of them.

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  23. I think you're doing a fantastic job. And you're so right, it's what happens behind the closed doors that really matters. It's the heart of it all.
    Lovely pictures :)

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  24. This post makes eleventy-billion and ONE reasons why I adore you.

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  25. chai birch log sounds phenomenal.

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  26. look at that accessorizing! love it, ivy girl.

    and YES. so much yes here.

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  27. wow, she is such a doll!!!! Did you knit that sweater?

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  28. I think you are doing great! Love the pictures.

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  29. This gave me wonderful little shivers in my spine...you are sucha gifted writer. And thank you for that little reminder at the end.

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  30. great post and what an adorable little girl!

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  31. I love this post.

    Just wanted to update...all has been pretty well so far this month-prayers are working-and I have dealt with 2 stomach bugs and 2 day migraine and now no voice-if I can stay calm and cheery in all of this mess.....well....

    xo

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  32. That smile! Ah!

    This is just beautiful. Thank you.

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  33. What a wonderful perspective! It IS those moments when no one is watching that show what our kids are really like. I hadn't really thought about it that way but I think I agree with you whole-heartedly. Thanks for that.

    (Also, your photos are beautiful.)

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  34. The glow on your baby girl's face is beautiful!

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  35. sigh.... sooooo beautiful... and your shots of little miss Ivy are perfect!!!

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  36. I really love the part of this piece when you talk about how you see your children's hearts in the "private" moments. I like that.

    And I think it's true.

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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