I take the baby and we all three start the steamy bathroom, then breathe in the cold night air. I need to put more towels in the dryer. I need to clean up the kitchen. I need to DO EVERYTHING and it's 5 in the morning.
It's like I was already on the edge, and someone is playing a game with me to see how much closer I can be nudged until I fall off.
You know me! I try to see the good in all of this, (you know when I just typed that I typed "god" instead of "good" and I do try to see God in all of this but...)
I need a break. I need to wake up one morning and have everything in order. So I can just start new or something. Can all the laundry be done, the bathrooms clean, dishes washed, all the tiny things that are undermyfeet put away and I am not asking for a house like in the magazines but just something better than right now. I am so behind.
And with nights and mornings like these, how can I ever ever catch up?
October is usually my favorite month. I am always so inspired during fall, the changing and the colors and the crisp and the cold. I wrote a poem in my dream last night but I can't remember it now. This makes me sad.
Before I went to bed I prayed over each of my boys and prayed over Gray again just moments ago. It made him feel better.
It is not making me feel better.