September 3, 2009

Today, oh today.

Today I've had tears brimming in my eyes for reasons I wish I knew.

Pains in my heart for unknown things. To be revealed some time to be sure not worth the worry.

I want to do so much. SO much. And I'm not even talking about great things like traveling the world or feeding the hungry. I want to do my dishes. I want to mop my floor. I want to MAKE MY BED for heaven's sake.

In a way, it's nice that I am stuck here at my computer chair with a sleeping baby on my chest. I can't remember the last time she slept on me like this. So I kiss her head and plow through weeks of unanswered emails.

Part of the chair is digging into my back and it feels kinda good. I had an ache there.

The older boys will be home soon and I have nothing to show for my day. While I cleaned up one mess, two more were made. The cycle is really getting to me this week. I want out.

And I shame myself, shame shame. How rotten of me to complain.

It's a common struggle, I know I am not alone. But that doesn't make it any easier to bear.

At least not today.

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  1. Hang in there friends, we all have these days. And I know you know that, of course!

    My house is a mess because I have NO energy these days. But at least it's full of love, as I know yours is too. Hugs! : )

  2. I know it's easier said than done, but try to remember that the mess is there because you have a home full of little ones that ARE love. Messes won't last forever, and neither will childhood. ((HUGS))

    It gets to me, too. Very much so the other day. And sure enough, the following day was so much better.
    I hope tomorrow is better for you ,too.

  3. I feel the same way all the time, the cycle that feels neverending and my drive and will to plow through it incredibly lacking. i try to let those days just run their course, and the next day is usually better. if it's not, i drink coffee and hope everyone just bears with me till i get it all back together. and eventually i do. but in the meantime, i bask in the little smiling faces around me. i hope you wake up to a sunnier day tomorrow, you're allowed to have a cloudy one once in a while! :)

  4. We all have days like this. I have been freaking out all week about how messy my house is while my ILs are coming this weekend and yest I seem incapable of actually getting it as clean as I want it to be.

    Complaining does not mean we are not greatful for what we have - it simply means we have to let our feelings out.

  5. I know it doesn't feel like you got anything done today, but you did. You mothered, and that is what counts.
    If you need to get out for coffee or the park or anything tomorrow, we're free. And I just read that the orchard opens Sept 5th! We should make a date to do that with the boys (& Ivy!).

  6. I'm off at 5 if I can help you in any way. Just let me know! I care and love

  7. I'm off at 5 if I can help you in any way. Just let me know! I care and love

  8. You have NO idea how much I understand.

    Sending you a hug from here and I thank you for checking in.


  9. Girl you are definitively not alone, I am right there with you.

  10. Yep, you're not alone. You always hear that thing about the dishes and floors can wait until they are older, but honestly, they can't really. You do have to do them at sometime. It's hard to find time for it all. I know it is for me. I have no idea how you try to run a blogging business too, no way would I have the time.

    Hope you get lots done today and a big boost of smiles brought on only by those same little creatures that made those sticky messes!

  11. I hear you, Steph. I had the same kind of day. I'm sorry yours was like that, too.

  12. I pretty much just blogged the same thing. We'll hang in there together ;)


  13. I feel the same way a lot. The monotony gets old quick. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I didn't do a thing I set out to do today...story of my life.

  14. I think every mother out there has had days like this, just cuddle that baby, clothes your eyes, and remember that your time is more important to your kids than a tidy house. Hand in there sweetie!!

  15. I hear you, oh yes I do. I intentionally left my computer off all day yet I still didn't get much done. This too shall pass, right?

  16. I've had a lot of those days as well Steph... it can be so frustrating. You get two steps forward and then take five back.
    Breathe. It'll be ok!

  17. Oh sweetie it is so tough to have to go through that. The other day I really seriously considered running away. Just for a second. Then I did in fact go for a walk. Alone.

    It is draining and feels like you're battling a whirlwind but it passes. You know that.

    There will be better days.

  18. yep yep yep! I so agree! It appears we all agree. Keep in mind that all days aren't this rough and some days there is actually a victory to be enjoyed on having the "accomplishments" we set out for. However, if everyday we reached and surpassed what we had in mind or on the list, the days where we do, wouldn't be such a victory! Hang in there Mama and I will too!

  19. We have all been there so many, many times...

    It must have been something with today. If I could have I would have ran away for most of the day to escape.

    I hope you found your own way to escape tonight. Even if its a long hot shower or cuddling up to a good book.

    Have a better tomorrow Steph

  20. Yes. Today.

    I'm fried crispy (as a good friend says), a mere shell of a human being, so tired of the words and the shrieks and the picking up and the putting down and the need, need, need that I'm as drained as if attacked by a horde of vampires.

    Yet I know, deep in my heart, that everything I wrote in my post is true. And I'm humbled to think it might have encouraged you as we walk the same path.

    See you in the morning. Sometimes, a good night's sleep can be the best medicine for days like this.

  21. Motherhood is just repeating tasks some days. I know. And my house is a complete disaster area. I still choose to hold the sleeping baby. The time will come too soon that I won't have little ones at home.

  22. I have had this exact same week. I know my husband thinks I'm just lounging about all day, but I swear I'm not. Troy is cutting all FOUR molars and won't take a nap.

    I have laundry in three rooms and it's screaming "Fold me!" and I'm ignoring it.

    I have so much to do.

    Hugs, momma.

  23. I am there with you.

    And I feel it.

    The inability to DO anything.

    (there is a hole in my feather duvet, which showers me with goose down every time I move in the bed--because my 3 year old cut 2 holes in it this afternoon with his scissors)

    The counter is full of dishes.
    We didn't complete the phonics lessons.
    There are so many tub toys in the bathroom floor I know my husband is going to trip and consequently make many growl-y sounds.

    Oh the questions.

    I will love you from right here.
    From the club of "we who have not a clean surface, and are tired, and have eaten too much chocolate".


    And maybe that will make it better.


  24. the bad days will pass and life will be nice and beautiful again :) don't worry just take it as it comes if you have no real wish to do a thing than don' worries!

  25. Those are the good days to cry and hope that when you wake up the next day, things will seem so much easier and you have so much more energy. That's all I can do to keep going.

  26. Last night I sat down at the dinner table and put my head in my hands and said to my husband, "I don't think I can keep going like this."

    So in other words, I'm right there witcha. ((hug)) Here's hoping today is more productive.

  27. Been there hun! I hope the sunshine finds you soon!

  28. I told my dad a couple of weeks ago how hard it was for me to let the housework and everything go and just spend time with the girls, doing nothing ... just sitting on the floor, no book or anything, letting the toddler crawl on me then run away, cuddling the baby ... and all the while the dishes and laundry and messy floors frantically screaming my name. He reminded me that "even though you feel like you're not doing anything, just by sitting on that floor with the girls, you're doing the most important work you could possibly do."

    I have to re-remind myself of that almost every day!

  29. I have so many days like this... but I try to remember that I did accomplish something ... providing a cozy nap for a little one --- that will not be something you can do forever, dishes will wait, babies will not!

    And you also posted this post which for me says ... I am not the only one who can not always accomplish all my tasks ... I may be some what normal!!!

    Thank you and hugs.

  30. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Did you read Maria's post the other day, about how we're not meant to do it alone? It made my day easier.

  31. I never make the bed. Never. Because tomorrow is always a new day and tomorrow the bed will need to be made again. What's the point? There are other things more worthy of my time. (And I am a completely anal-retentive person, so this is big for me!)

  32. *hugs* we all have those days. leave shame behind. a mother's work is always unfolding, it's the unfolding of our love for our children. not found simply in the laundry or the dishes, but in that sleeping child on your chest.

  33. I, too, get hung up in the "work" part of housework. Especially now that I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy, chasing a two year old around. I just can't keep up.

    But I didn't stay home to be a housekeeper. I stay home to be a mom. And you are a darn good one.

    Hope today is sunnier for you!

  34. i am having this kind of week too! thank you for sharing your struggles. i wish i could spend more time enjoying my kids but i always have something to do or worry about, it is a tough one ~ i try so hard to not worry about the other stuff, but i get frustrated when nothing gets done (or stays done)

    i have been clinging to phillipians 4:13 these days!

    hugs to you!

  35. oh my goodness...thank you for posting that link. as i'm up holding a feverish babe, watching my plans disappear and wondering how it's possible to be covered in so much snot and drool, i needed God to whisper in my ear that my time is not wasted. through you and the link, he did. thank you

  36. Aw, (((HUGS))) Steph! I hope your day is going better today. :) Days like this are so hard. We ALL know and can relate... You're such a great Mama!

  37. No you are not alone. As a mother of four (two of them being 6-month-old twins), I feel the same way almost every day but I find comfort in the verse, "God gently leads those that have young." I remind myself that the housework will always be there waiting for me but my children will only be little once and they are THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS LIFE.

  38. Isn't it such a blessing to have the online support; knowing we are not alone. Sharing and encouraging....

    sending happy thoughts your way....(belated, I know!)

  39. You're definitely not alone. We all have days like that - days when it just seems impossible to keep up with anything.

    But then, it always happens - the sun comes out and shines once again. And, in those moments, I know that I am right where I ought to be.

  40. oh I relate. I have a sleeping baby on my shoulder, two girls running around mess making and exactly zero motivation to start cleaning, knowing i'll be interrupted or it'll just get messy again.

    I want to throw a tantrum.

  41. oops, wasn't finished...

    hugs to you! thanks for eloquently writing what I've been feeling too. I know you know it'll get better. it always does. for now, have a treat, take a breath, and start again.. I'm off to follow my own advice :)

    (and drink in those sweet baby moments)

  42. Me too! For once, I'd just like to make a dent in my pile. Just once.

    {{HUGS}} and wishes for sunnier days ahead!


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