September 9, 2009

And you do.

I mailed letters today.

I grocery shopped and had dinner (Chicken Posole from a page ripped out of Real Simple magazine and folded into my purse) prepped before noon. Watermelon cut up for when the boys got off the school bus. Sugar cookies with M&Ms baked for dessert.

We walked across the street to watch the geese swim by. Toddled down the sidewalk to look at neighbors' flowers.

Admired rain clouds. Put on a purple necklace.


Danced to the Beatles. Spread out a pink blanket on the ground.


Except.

The magic of today casts a shadow on the un-specialness of other times. A reminder, that sinking stomach drop of the things that are not okay. Despite my attempts to swipe at them, a flick of my hand to brush them away.

It's like when...

you crawl into a crowded bed exhausted in the middle of the night with the sheets and blankets all untucked and amess and you carve a spot just big enough to lie in, and you make do, and you go to restless sleep.



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36 comments:

  1. You could easily turn this into a poem. Very nice.

    I have enough things that need batted away lately that pretty much any time not thinking about this stuff is special.

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  2. I have a lump in my throat now.

    Yeah...

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  3. Oh Steph, I so hear you. I don't know what's going on, but know you are in my heart. I understand this so very well. I was there not too long ago (like weeks ago). Right now things are better...but who knows how long that will last. I am just reveling in it while it is.
    Hang in there. There are many who love you.

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  4. I have no idea what's going on, but I wish you happiness, strenght and as much luck as you could possibly get

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  5. Again you often write what is also on my heart. Been dealing with some issues with my daughter (8)with possible adhd/anxiety and my heart just hurts. I wish I could "swipe" it away. Not everyday is bad, several in a row can sometimes be very awesome and special but like you said it reminds you of when it is not. Today I have been on the verge of tears all day...after school was really hard and when I am trying to take care of all of them (others are 12, 10 and 17 months)...it is just plain hard. I wish you God's peace and comfort.

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  6. yes, during times like these, i almost forget...then that stomach dropping happens. i know you know, but He is bigger than all that....bigger than any box we can put Him in. you are loved.

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  7. I wish I could give you a hug.

    Saying a prayer for you....

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  9. Praying for you tonight, mama.

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  10. I'm sending a big bloggy hug your way tonight. Thank you for this post, the honesty.

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  11. It never fails to feel the mom guilt, even on days that are perfect, just because they almost better point out to us how un-perfect our other days are. I hope tomorrow is good for you, too. *hugs*

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  12. It's like when you're walking downstairs and you miss a step, and your stomach swoops because something isn't right. I know that feeling, and I hope it goes away for you soon.

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  13. It's been hard for me to blog lately because I feel like such a terrible mother. Being in the house all day alone with two little ones is hard. It's good to know that "we are not alone in our afflictions."

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  14. Unfortunately we all have our demons. I hope the cookies and your home-cooked dinner helped things a little... : )

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  15. I hope you're okay, Steph. I've noticed a few things here and there that lead me to believe you're in a sad place right now. I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

    Nell

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  16. I'm going to pray for you tonight Stephanie. I know how it feels to be uneasy...it's not fun. I'm going to pray for peace.

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  17. Oh hun!! I am sorry you are having a difficult time. Things are a mess for me at the moment - but at least it is a mess I am not normally forced to think about. I will be praying for you.

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  18. OH steph I am so very worried for you.

    Like everyone else has said, I read your powerful words and my heart is in my stomach, nervous for you.

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  19. You sure are singing my tune lady.

    Love this shot and piece...you are always so honest, eloquent...and it speaks volumes to my heart without making a sound.

    You are lovely and I'm so glad to know you. Truly I am. : )

    ((HUGS))

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  20. I'm praying that those "things that are not okay" will be given to Him, so he can take care of them so you don't have to. Hugs.

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  21. Hugs for you tonight, Steph... I'm thinking of you.

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  22. It's like the distance is so great you have that feeling you get when you're up really high and look down.

    Then it feels so suffocating you can hear your own pulse.

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  23. postive thoughts your way so that this cloud will pass by quickly. I hope what is troubling you will fall into place soon and you can carry on with your life. hugs

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  24. Hope all is ok.... I think we all have things that weigh so heavy on our hearts somedays.... that try as you might, the things are still there! Will be praying for you!

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  25. I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes as a believer, I feel like it's not ok for me to struggle with having peace. It's encouraging to know that I'm not alone. Praying God uses these times for His glory and our good.

    -Abby

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  26. This makes me sad. I hope and pray things get better...

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  27. Whatever is going on, whatever the needs may be-just praying for the situation and for you and your lovely family. ((hugs))

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  28. Oh I hope everything is ok with you. I will be thinking about you and wishing for the best for you.....

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  29. HI Steph,
    I think the trick is looking for a doable bit of each day that we CAN change, without beating ourselves up mercilessly or setting impossibly high standards for ourselves. When I was struggling awhile back, I got the idea for '15 minutes better'-- just fixing a tiny bit of the day can be a real morale boost....

    Also rest and stay in the Word. I'm reminding myself here too-- I've been staying up too late recently, and have struggled with mood because of that.

    Hugs

    Mary

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  30. gretchen from lifenutSeptember 11, 2009 6:03 PM

    Geez, that last paragraph depresses the hell out of me, but I like it.

    I know it.

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  31. I wish I could give you a hug, sweetie. Whatever is going on I'll say a prayer for you...

    I keep rereading this because I understand that feeling...the sinking feeling when remembering what I tried so hard not to think about, if that makes any sense.

    (((hugs)))

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  32. Thinking of you, Steph.

    Wishing I could be right there to tell you - you're a wonderful mama, a compassionate person, a talented business pro. Things won't always be this crazy. New opportunities will appear and the sun will come out tomorrow, you'll see...

    Hugs,
    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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Your comment is gonna totally make my day!

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