Sometimes I don't love you, he says.
I don't even flinch. I understand.
He feels so much, so big, in this little body. He's only three. I know he always loves me. Maybe sometimes doesn't like me.
I say No so much and if he could just fathom it's always for his own good, if he could hear my heart pleading with the wind, saying No to the clock and many many other things, for God to make this time stop, or at least slow it down a little. I am not doing so good.
We plan for when the big kids start school next week. We'll take all their pillows he whispers and make a house on my bed.
We'll read more books and he'll be calm and touch my hair I promise we'll read more books and go to the zoo and finally see the dinosaur bones at the museum. I'll make it all up to him because there is still time.
You Capture Motion.
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What a beautiful post! It hurts to say no all the time. I know this with my almost 3 year old.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet, thoughtful boy you have.
Oh, I can relate! My 3yo "Little Pea" and I are having so much bonding time since the other two have gone to school!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately "no" is becoming more common in my vocabulary. Jack counters with a rather contrived dose of tears which isn't so endearing. It's hard to play tough, hopefully he'll grow from it.
ReplyDeleteI love your writing so much, Steph.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet, thoughtful post. It's a beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Lately I've been trying to say No to things that really matter and not just to things because they're things I don't want to do.
ReplyDeleteThis is so me and my Graham. Thanks for capturing it so well.
ReplyDeleteNo is so hard. I feel like it's all I say some days. Sometimes I want to say yes, so I don't say NO AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteI love your capture, but your words speak to my heart.
Big hugs. I miss you!
Oh, how I know how you feel. I feel like sometimes I say 'no' before I even realize it. And the next thing I will know, is that they are all grown up. I need to practice saying 'yes' more!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! And great capture of motion.
Hey you played this week. And I didn't. LOL Great capture of motion.
ReplyDeleteWhat in the world is he playing with. It looks like a cows tongue. LOL
This is perfect. I've said no eight million times today and didn't flinch when Luke told me he wasn't happy.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to get Luke and Gray together. I think they both need it as much as we do.
You really do write beautifully, Steph. Perfect post for a perfect picture.
ReplyDeleteI have a lump in my throat.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
When have you ever liked when someone said something "for your own good", even if it was. He seems pretty smart to be able to say that sometimes he doesn't love you. He just isn't able to distinguish between love and like. Watch him! He may be your gifted and talented one.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and so true. And be a bit easier on yourself. I don't think you have to make anything up to him - you are a wonderful mother!
ReplyDeleteUgh, way to pull at the heart strings! I feel like all my 3-year-old hears from me is 'no' too. I need to go hug that kid now :)
ReplyDeleteOh. So beautiful. It's SO hard to be three.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard when they feel so much, you want to keep them in those moments and at the same time the moments go by so fast. Enjoy each one you find to share with him.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear. Sigh. This is so what I feel. I'm looking forward to next week, too - my first as a full-time SAHM! :) And I have 4 more months to cherish my first as my only, so I'll do just that. :)
ReplyDeleteoof! My heart!
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm going to do my best tomorrow to NOT say the word no!
So very sweet. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Hearing those words from my little boys would kill me just a little bit whether they meant them or not. Being a parent makes you appreciate your parents so much more.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. It's all of the tiny moments when you know them better than they know themselves that add up.
ReplyDeleteI sooo know what you mean. I'm a ball of emotions tonight crying even thinking about Lyndsee going to school. We have been attached at the hip 5 years now.. why does she have to go? I cried yesterday for my 6 year old's first day back sigh!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! Enjoy that pillow fort. ;)
ReplyDeleteLovely. Just lovely.
ReplyDeleteoH MY he is to FAST!!!
ReplyDeleteCUTE!
Oh good Grief! This guy is so cute!!! If my own weren't so cute I would say he was the cutest! Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is going to kindergarten tomorrow. Did I do enough? Hold him enough? Give him enough of myself? Keep my patience in check? Can I take back our time and start again?
ReplyDeleteOh how it hurts my soul to send him off.
simply beautiful!
ReplyDeleteCaden said that to me once, and when he saw the look on my face afterwards, he never said it again. I know they probably don't even know what they are saying at three, but still...it's hard to hear. Good for you for being able to discern what he "meant" and not take it personally!
ReplyDeleteIts very beautiful thanks for sharing its great to see thanks...
ReplyDelete___________________
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I so know where you're coming from here...
ReplyDelete:( You'll steal their pillows and make a fort... I love it.
ReplyDeletethere is still time. I have to tell myself that every day...
ReplyDeleteLove my Gray! He is one smart cookie to be in such a little body.
ReplyDeleteSo sweet. I say "no" alot too. It's hard with this age I think.
ReplyDeleteI told my mom once when I was little that I didn't love her. In fact, I told her that I hated her. Lets just say that's the only time I made that mistake.
ReplyDeletebeautiful.
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty for saying no-like last night when Giggles wanted to do to the next town over to visit with her friend-I just didn't feel like driving both ways, so she didn't go. I almost got up and told her never mind I would take her and drive at night (which I try to limit) But didn't.
Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI get this. Oh boy do I get this.
ReplyDeleteNell
Wow. I hope I will handle it as well when I hear those words from my child. I think you must be much more zen and much less insecure than I. Because just like so many other things about being a mommy, that's so hard. I am learning these things.
ReplyDeletePrecious!
ReplyDeleteOhh.. no.. This is so beautiful and both happy and sad at the same time. I can sorta relate. My son is growing up into a "big boy" too fast, in my opinion! I wish I could just hit a pause button and savor every moment with him, but life seems to just keep on passing by so quickly... and then I'll look and he'll be 3 years old telling me he doesn't love me right now. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI'm at a loss, this is so beautiful. And so are you and so is he.... awww, I'm practically a weepy mess over here!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh I plead with the wind too. This blew right thru my heart, thank you...
ReplyDeleteOh, I so get this. But it still hurts my heart when my girls have said they don't love me. Can't help it...You're a good mom to let it slide right off your back.
ReplyDeleteWow!! exactly my thoughts and feelings!!
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully written. So wonderfully captured. As always.
ReplyDeletestephanie@metropolitanmama.net
ok this post made me cry. fyi. i have a little boy who's three and i feel exactly the same way, i've said it a thousand times. "He feels so much, so big, in this little body." I couldn't describe it better. What an intense wonderful age this is and I'm trying desperately to stop time. Thanks for describing it so beautifully.
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