August 16, 2009

At least I am wearing undergarments.

I am a praying woman. I know God and I know miracles but I have just been delivered by a carbohydrate.

I'm dressed in a black tee, my comfy black gauchos that are finally too big on me but I am still wearing them, pulling them up every time I stand, and black flip flops. It's my normal uniform but not what I'd usually wear outside of the house as it is pretty much pajamas. At least I am wearing undergarments.

I've burrowed into a two-person booth at Panera Bread so that I can get some work done and possibly summon my sanity to GET IT TOGETHER.

I started to hear the sound of a hundred old corroded rubberbands crackling as they were pulled, even ever so gently today, within my mind. Throughout my entire body crickcrack-lesnap.

The kids have been sick, I was sick, then we were all well. Then last night I had just gotten deep into a sleep that was hugging me so tight in a warm cozy blanket and you know... the kid in the TOP BUNK who was JUST SICK EXACTLY ONE WEEK AGO was sick again. This time he really outdid himself his pillowcase went straight into the garbage.

I bathed him. I loved him. I washed his hair even though it was disgusting and I smiled and caressed him. I made him sleep in the hallway by the bathroom.

I washed his bedding. I felt sorry for myself. I went to bed.

This morning I cleaned and did more laundry and decided I was going to leave! I had to get out of there! I nursed the baby and should have left then when she went down for her nap but I did more laundry and straightened up and then it was lunch time and I fed people and when she woke up I fed her and then it was clean up time and I can't leave all those dishes in the sink.

I will make my escape after I do all the dishes, I promised myself.

I showed those dishes who's boss.

I am savoring this frozen caramel drink that's pretty good. All I care is that it has whipped cream and this really huge straw. I am setting up my Real Moms Guide account, joining the community there, as part of my new position.

Things have been so tight sotight, as I know it is for everyone right now. I'm feeling guilty about buying this chocolate pastry. So guilty I might need to go up and get another one. We've actually been trying to think of ways I could go out and get a part time job without having to wean Ivy. In a flurry blur of morning events yesterday I got a job. Writing for the Real Moms Guide starting like, now.

I know- another community to join and register for... but there are articles there (that I'll be writing!) and it's also a way for you to express yourself and offer or seek advice apart from Twitter or your blog or Facebook, keeping it from the eyes you might not want to see it (like your in-laws or "friends") and hopefully away from the drama.


I'm just starting out right now, joining the groups and such, and I think you can submit stories of your own to be featured and stuff. So if that's your kind of thing, make your way over there and find me (I'm AdventuresInBabywearing). I'll let you know when my articles are published, too.

The restaurant has cleared out immensely and I am tempted to crawl into the booth across from me and take a nap. But I have to go to Target and get more laundry detergent. And I'll probably pick up something easy there to make dinner for the kids. And then feed them. And then clean the kitchen. And then put them to bed and you know what, it isn't feeling all that overwhelming to me now.

I need to step outside more.

Deep breaths.

It's all going to be ok. And I'll take another chocolate pastry to go, please.

edit: PS I added a Babywearing Moms group at RMG and that would be a great place to ask me your babywearing questions!

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  1. FIRST! woot!

    I'm so so so glad you got out today and yes, please do so more often. Even Super Woman needs a break sometime.

  2. Aww STeph I have totally been there! Keep your chin up!

  3. I'm thankful for the writing gigs. It's usually really good for the heart anyway.

    You are so good at what you do - a good mama, a good writer.

    I'll follow you wherever you tell me to go, friend.

    Excited for your first piece,

  4. Taking a break away by yourself is good for your soul. Don't ever feel guilty about doing it.

  5. You deserve that chocolate pastry and that frozen drink and a big fat hug.

    AND, I'm so so so excited for your new job! I will be joining the community!


  6. I just read Beth's comment and we both really love the word "so". And you. :)

    Hugs to you, Steph!

  7. Good on you for taking a break today. Praise God for your writing gig! Big hugs from Virginia!

  8. Some quiet time, a yummy frozen drink (too bad it wasn't a margarita!) and something chocolate... Sounds divine! I know you'll do great at your new writing job!

  9. Isn't it amazing how even just a little time to yourself, enjoying a drink or a snack UNINTERRUPTED is so healing for the soul? That's usually all I need to get a little recharge. Hope the icky-sickies leave your home for an extended time--you are due for a break from that!

  10. I had a frozen chocolate drink today too, and I sit here alone b/c they finally all left at the same time. I don't know what to do with myself now, except listen to the train and the rain and be happy for His grace.


  11. I was in the same boat as you last weekend, having just a few hours to yourself is blissful isn't it.

  12. I'm so there with you... my indulgence tonight is a glass of good red wine :) But normally I'd take a chocolate pastry any day!

    I'm glad you got a break, and look forward to checking out the new site.

  13. I agree with Beth. You need those breaks--and a chocolate pastry. I will always testify to the healing powers of sweets.

  14. What a wonderful thing that you are able to write and earn some money! I pray it will be fruitful for your family.

  15. I love Panera :)

    I'm glad you got out - it's good for you!

  16. First, I am so excited for you and your new venture. It is so great to have a way to make some extra moolah. And the fact that it is doing something you love, double awesome!
    Second, good for you getting some time away. We all need it and don't do it nearly enough.
    Third, I miss Panera. Go have a chocolate pastry or an orange scone (my favorite) for me :)

  17. Congrats on the new gig!! And for getting out to have some time for yourself, every momma needs to carve time out for herself.

  18. I totally understand about the needing time for yourself. I make it a point to keep Z in his crib until I'm mostly ready for church, because there are some days I just NEED to have my hair fixed!

  19. I'm so proud of you, for your patience and your new gig and your too-big pants. And I miss you.

  20. I always feel guilty when I spend some bling on myself or catch just a few moments of silence...

    But if I continue to pour into others without being poured into, it's a nasty, toxic combo...

    You deserve a break.... xoxo

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  22. Congratulations on your new job and you too big pants! I am proud of you for letting yourself go and get out when you need it. I need to take a lesson from you.

  23. Sometimes we all need to step away. The sad bit is that I think we moms rarely do it nearly enough.

    I'm glad to hear you've got a new gig, and I hope it works out well for you. The tightness may be nearly universal, but it is crazy-making. So crazy-making.

  24. Congrats on the new gig! You must be so pleased.

    I am definately feeling the itch to be making my "own" money again, but I definately don't want Sierra in daycare full time.

    I'm exploring the possibility of my own business, but well, there's a lot to do there.

  25. So sorry your little one is not feeling well. But, honestly, you rock!! You seem to have it all together - where as I always feel like I am barely keeping my head above water.

  26. A safe place to hang, I'd love that!

  27. Congrats on getting out of the house. Our lives have been so busy for the last week that I know exactly how you feel. Why is it that moms always feel guilty for needing some time alone? I usually end up leaving by myself only to try to get errands done, like Trader Joe's or Target, so as not to waste the time. Why is it that I think taking time for myself is a "waste of time?" Anyway, thanks for the post. And congrats on the new gig! :)

  28. Congrats on such a wonderful opportunity and I do hope you snuck another pastry to celebrate!

  29. (Chocolate anything + Alone time) sounds divine- relish it! Congrats on your new writing gig! There can't be enough writing coming from you! ;)

  30. Oh fun! And I understand being so busy. I've back off on my blogging and social networking just because my other job is so busy. (I work from home)

    I'm excited to read some or your work and when I have time I'll have to join the new site!

  31. Congrats on the new job that'll keep you home with the kids.

    I know how it is to have money tight and need a job. I got a new client last month and it still isn't really cutting it like it needs to be.

    But I know that Gods will is to keep me home, so I have faith everything will work out.

    Just like it's for you!


  32. Busy as always Miss Steph. Glad you got a little break...

  33. i heard those same sounds within me on saturday. i finally got to sneak out that afternoon. after a pedicure and haircut, i recharged at panera. oh, did that feel good. glad you got some of the same!

    congrats on your new job!

    hope you're all well again....SOON!

  34. God always provides, sometimes right in the nick of time. He knows even when we don't. I love that.

    Congratulations on your new job. They definitely picked the right person for the position.

  35. I am so glad you got away! We all have those days where we need it more than anything!

  36. ((HUGS)) and Congrats on the new writing gig! God is good! Recharging is such a key thing as a mommy, isn't it!?

  37. Great post! Panera is my go to place also!


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